Thought Catalog
May 19, 2017

You Have To Be Truly Ready For The Right Love To Finally Come Along

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What is the issue?
Nathan McBride

You’ve taken time for yourself. You’ve worked through a lot of issues. After going through the hell of heartache, you built yourself back up stronger than ever. You are the most confident and strong and powerful and sure that you’ve ever been in your life. You don’t need a man or anyone else to tell you that you deserve wonderful things. After a long, hard, self-reflective journey, you know your worth. You aren’t desperate for love, but you are finally ready to accept the kind of love you previously could not.

You are waiting with open arms, but it is nowhere to be found.

You become frustrated. You didn’t rebound. You didn’t jump into yet another relationship that you knew would be horribly wrong for you. You took the time to heal and recover and take a good look at what went sour and why. Still, you go about your daily business and feel entirely invisible. You’re content, but where is the man who truly appreciates this amazing, complex, grounded woman you are? Why doesn’t anyone see the work you’ve done and want to be with you? It drives you absolutely crazy, even as you try your best not to care.

The answer is simple. You think you’re ready … but you’re not. Not quite. Not yet.

If you were ready, you wouldn’t be bothered. You’d sit back, live your life, and trust that someday he’ll come along. Honestly, you might not even think about it at all. Your life would be so full and satisfying that it’d be irrelevant.

Yes, you’re human. You miss companionship, physical touch, and affection. You want an equal partner who will stand beside you rather than someone who fills a void inside you that you can’t fill yourself. You feel good, but you want someone to share your growth, someone who cares about his own journey also. Haven’t you stayed strong long enough? Isn’t it time that someone appreciates you?

The answer is no. Not quite. Not yet.

When it finally happens, trust that you will look back and understand why he didn’t come along sooner. It’ll be the right time and not a second too soon. You’ll know that if you had met him any earlier, it wouldn’t have worked. You weren’t ready for him. He wasn’t ready for you.

This doesn’t mean it’ll be perfect – in fact, it might be quite rough. As much as you think you’ve grown and changed, dating is an entirely different game. Suddenly everything from your past rears its ugly head no matter how you try to manage it. The good news? You recognize it now and you’ll work through it because you know that this person is worth it. You know that you’re worth it. You know you deserve a happy, healthy, mature relationship with someone who fits the woman you’ve become and the woman you strive to be.

You’ll have bumps, and misunderstandings, and fights. It’ll be okay. You realize now that a fight doesn’t have to be a breakup and that the two of you are allowed to be your own separate people. He will force you to reevaluate your vision of what a relationship should be and instead take a relationship for what it is. You revel in your individuality and the freedom he gives you to be yourself. In turn, he provides you with the security of knowing that despite the time you spend apart, his feelings for you will not change.

He is mature, evolved, emotionally open man you’ve imagined. You always wanted him, but you weren’t developed enough to choose him. When you do find him, you will understand. You will know that years, months, maybe even days ago, you never would have found him. You didn’t understand. You didn’t see.

He’s just like you. He’s worked on his issues. He’s grown and changed and bettered himself. He’s been living his life, quietly, happily, passed over by the women who don’t understand the value of his worth. The world has kept him safely hidden so that when you are ready, he is there patiently waiting for you. He doesn’t need you, but he wants you – and that makes all the difference.

You finally understand what choosing someone to love really means. You learn, because of him, that love is not, in fact, something that takes hold of you as you fall helplessly into its grasp. It’s a choice born of finally understanding what you desire from yourself, from a partner, and from your life. Your bond is strong and secure because you want him and he wants you. As long as the two of you choose to be together, you will work to make your love successful.

The pitfalls of your past relationships are no more. You do not lose yourself. You do not abandon your own life. You do not forsake your independence, your true feelings, or opinion. When he accepts you, he accepts all of you as you are. There is no need to hide or pretend or perform. He may not look anything like what you pictured, but suddenly it doesn’t matter. You accept him for himself in kind. He sees you. You see him. You love freely because it is born of mutual respect, trust, and understanding.

You must believe that as long as you continue to move forward and live the best life you can, it will happen. You will find your match. No matter how long it takes you to get there, the results will be worth the wait. TC mark

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