10 Things I Miss Most About Chicago

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1. The Pilsen Art Walk

How I miss walking through you on a crisp, dark night while very drunk and looking at all of the strange and amazing works of art you have to offer. Do you remember me? Probably not, but I miss you.

2. Crackheads

I miss the really crazy crackheads who outshine all of the other crackheads with the bizzarre things that they do. I miss the shaky guy from Lincoln Park who walks into traffic, and I miss the guy in The Loop who has an extremely large bundle of shoes. I miss the omelette lady of Lakeview, and I miss the guy who told me he wasn’t going to rape me at the bus stop one afternoon. You’re sweet. Thank you for not raping me. I’d give anything for your entertainment once again.

3. Bad Decisions

I miss waiting in line to get into Berlin only to hate the next three hours of my life. I miss waking up next to leftover Flash Taco. I miss reading drunk tweets I sent the night before.

4. Pizza.

God, I miss the pizza. Pizza slices so big that I could roll myself into them  and take a nap.

5. Estelles.

Estelles will always have my heart. And my liver. And probably some of my puke behind the building. We had the best of times. We had the worst of times. I miss those delicious garlic parmesan fries, too.

6. Winter.

I miss thinking that all of my toes and fingers were going to fall off. I miss the sharp sting of frigid air stabbing me in the face. I miss my apartment being so cold that I had to wear a coat and boots inside.

7. Smiths Night at Dannys.

Are you still a thing that happens once a month? Do you happen even more often now? I hope so. I miss feeling the floor vibrate as sweaty hipsters danced their lives away.

8. Malort

I miss Malort, the most interestingly disgusting liquor of all time. I miss trying to invent gross mixed drinks and PBR/Malort bombs. You are the best and the worst thing.

9. The redline on game days

I hated riding the redline on game days because it’s so crowded and full of stupid people, but can you believe I actually miss that, too?

10. All of you comedians

I miss all of your great improv, and I miss all of your shitty improv. I miss laughing all of the time. I miss being able to be obnoxious but still know I wasn’t the most obnoxious person in the room.