October 18, 2016

How I Got Over You In 3 Days

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What is the issue?
Allef Vinicius
Allef Vinicius

I absolved you of your accountability because I knew how important it was for you to not have any.
And even at my lowest I considered your soul.
That eternal damnation that you were so afraid of.
You don’t deserve it. But I went ahead and gave it to you anyway.
No I don’t recant you. No it’s not your fault.
I took the blame and you walked away unscathed.

And then I cried.
For days.
3 days to be exact.

The first day were bitter tears. For myself. Not for you.
I was in pain. The kind I knew I did not deserve.
Because you had no idea how awful it feels like to bare yourself open–
walk around naked and exposed–
be toyed around
and then shelved because, hey– you’re no longer wanted.

The second day were sad tears.
I wept for the man I thought you were.
And then I cried because maybe it really was my fault–
You see you made me doubt myself.
Maybe I deserved to be strung along and jerked around like a fucking rag doll
And no matter what I do, I couldn’t stop crying.
I cried for every other heart ache I had before you.

The third day felt like it went on forever.
And then it stopped.
And when it did, I felt numb.
Almost like and elation. You could have pierced me with a needle and I would not flinch.

You see, in your head things went on differently.
In your head you were a goddamn saint.
In your head, your intentions were crystal clear.
In your fucking head were delusions of a man who refuses to acknowledge he was and ass.

And that’s how you cured me of you.
I didn’t stand a chance against your prejudice.
I didn’t stand a chance against that holy fuckin halo you wear around like a crown.
You thought that because I was raw and exposed, I wouldn’t mind the ride.
You couldn’t have done that with any other angel.
Might as well play with the devil, right?
It’s not a sin to hurt a sinner.

So yes, in your head, I’d let you be the good guy…
I’d let you tell your friends about this crazy girl who fell for you.
Ha! But what you will never have–
Is a space in my memory.
Because I have erased you.
Yes. You don’t deserve to be counted.
You didn’t happen. Oh what was that again?
I’m sorry, have we met? TC mark

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