Within the first month of dating me, he told all of his friends he was going to marry me. I’m not telling you that to intimidate you. I want to get this out of the way immediately: he probably thinks you are his dream girl, if he hasn’t already told you that. I sincerely hope you aren’t. Let me explain.
There was one person before me who broke his heart. He told me that she cheated on him and I never understood why a girl would do that to someone so loving, so giving, so perfect on paper. I thought she must have been terrible, but I couldn’t help but love her a little bit for letting him go so that the love I shared with him could fall into place. When I think of those days, I remember feeling that the stars had somehow aligned. I wish she had written me one of these. I want to tell her that I’m sorry.
He has a five year plan that I’m pretty sure I derailed. I don’t remember it entirely but it involves moving back to Boston, getting married, having kids, living within a 30 minute drive of his family, all by the time he’s around 30 years old. He also wants a Bernese Mountain Dog, but he’s allergic, so…
I don’t know why I told you that. He could have told you that.
While we’re on the topic of the Bernese Mountain Dog thing, I always noticed he wanted things he just couldn’t have, or things that just wouldn’t have been good for him. Am I being too vague?
He’ll want you to be creative, and with that comes an innate sensitivity to emotion and the world around you. I guess what I’m saying is don’t take it personally when he tells you he’s in love with the way you see the world but sneezes uncontrollably at the first sight of your disappointment.
I’m sorry I’m assuming what you’re like. You’re probably nothing like me at all. When we broke up, he told me he’d make sure to never date anyone like me ever again, so I can only assume that you’re the exact opposite of me. I guess I forgot about that when I wrote #5.
The first Halloween that we were together, he threw a house party and got so drunk that he spent the latter half of the night peeled over the toilet while I rubbed his back. When he was done, we went to sleep and I woke up a few hours later to a sleepwalking boyfriend peeing on his suitcase that was in the corner of the room. I didn’t stop him. I guess what I’m saying is – next time he does it, you probably should.
This isn’t something you should know, but does it make you feel weird sleeping with a person in an apartment that used to be mine up until a month ago? I understand if it doesn’t.
He’ll love you really hard if you let him. Don’t let him. One day he’ll love you so hard that it won’t be love any more. He’ll squeeze you so tight for so long that it will eventually shatter you if you’re not careful. You’ll be left with a million pieces to something that was never supposed to be a puzzle. How can you be expected to put it back together on your own?
Let me tell you: the moment you start to recognize beauty in the individual pieces is the moment you’ll remember that the pieces don’t have to fit together like they used to in order to create a new masterpiece.
The biggest pill to swallow was realizing that he needs another person to feel whole. Do not confuse this for thinking that he needs you. He will think he needs you – that is something that will never change. But please don’t give up pieces of yourself to fill his empty parts. I read this quote once about the spaces in between your fingers being created so that another’s could fill them, which is entirely bullshit if you ask me. Your fingers were created so that you could grab your own life by the goddamn horns.
What I’m saying is, you could be his dream girl, but you’re more than that. And if you’re not more than that- I am sure you are definitely his dream girl. I wish you all the best, either way.