Thoughts I Have While Listening To Michael Bublé

Am I in Macy’s? Or any sort of department store? What about a gift shop?

Am I in a romantic comedy OR in a trailer for a romantic comedy? Is Amy Adams anywhere near me?

The chorus is starting. Am I supposed to do something? Obviously the chorus I’m referring to is the one for “I Just Haven’t Met You Yet.” Does he have any other songs? I could take a stab at any Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra song and assume that he covered them, but I don’t know for sure.

Did you see the “Saturday Night Live” sketch with Michael Bublé and Jon Hamm? Jon Hamm wanted to open a restaurant with him called “Hamm and Bubbly.” It was funny. I promise.

Well now I want champagne.

Oh Christ, it’s happening. I’m liking the song. How does this happen every time? How do I start rolling my eyes saying, “God not this again” and then wind up secretly enjoying it by the time it ends?

I don’t want these feelings.

He just seems so damn earnest. He sounds so damn earnest. Why hasn’t he done more stuff?

How is Norah Jones doing? Anyone checked in with her lately?

Good, it’s ending. I won’t ever admit to anyone that the piano chords at the end of this song remind me of The Beatles “Getting Better.”

Wait, are there even pianos in that one? Which Beatles song am I thinking of? Someone out there has to know. Someone out there has to feel the same way. Someone else had to have listened to this Michael Bublé song and thought,

“Hey, Carol, does this kind of sound like that Beatles song to you?”

And Carol said, “What?”

And they said, “You know. The song. I’m not saying Michael Bubleé is like The Beatles. I’m just saying this chord progression reminds me of their style.”

“Honey, I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

“Goddamn it, Carol, I am so sick of your bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine before 5 PM.”

“You’ve had 3 and it’s not even 4.”

“What are you, the fucking time police?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck YOU. You always do this. You always make me feel small.”

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“You sound like your mother.”

“Go to hell!”

I wonder if anyone’s ever referred to Michael Bublé as “the voice of a generation” and if so, which generation they were referring to.