February 14, 2013

35 Things That Are Worse Than Being Single On Valentine’s Day

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Mihalorel
Mihalorel

1. War

2. Famine

3. Disease

4. Death of a loved one

5. Euthanizing animals due to shelter overcrowding

6. Delivery guy bringing you the wrong food

7. That piece of skin that sticks up between your nail and finger and when you try to peel it it ends up tearing off more of your skin

8. Canker sores

9. Cankles

10. Getting your period in public

11. Having the zipper separate on your favorite dress

12. Ripping off a belt loop trying to pull your jeans up

13. Craving a sandwich and only having end pieces of bread left

14. Trying to be antisocial but your phone is dead so you have nothing to pretend to do

15. Being followed home at night by a whistling stranger

16. Clicking the ‘X’ instead of the tab of something you were letting buffer

17. Sending a very inappropriate Reply All to work/a charity site

18. Dropping your last piece of gum

19. Getting kicked in the face by a goat

20. Leaving a baby on a bus

21. Finding a random baby on a bus and then being forced to keep it

22. Not being able to press a letter on your keyboard because there’s food stuck underneath it

23. Racism

24. Inverted eyelash

25. Being hunted like The Most Dangerous Game

26. Finding food you forgot you microwaved 3 days later

27. Having to poop at your friend’s tiny studio apartment

28. Having that weird skin form on your soup

29. Pinching your finger in that spring loaded trap while trying to replace a roll of toilet paper

30. Being kidnapped by a cartel

31. Swallowing a pill sideways

32. Abnormal pap smears

33. Sneezing more than twice in a row

34. Accidentally drooling while speaking

35. Having to spend the day with someone you hate TC mark

Valentine’s Day eBook time. Buy “How To Tell If Somebody Loves You” on Amazon here and the iBookStore here.

how-to-tell-if-somebody-loves-you1

Ali Garfinkel

She’s a 24 year old former New Yorker turned LA schmooze working as a comedy/television writer. She earned her …

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