Thought Catalog
March 17, 2017

Read This If You’re Ready But He’s Not

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What is the issue?
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After an amazing date, the last thing you expect is for the guy you have insane chemistry with to disappear. When this happens, you catch yourself overthinking each detail, replaying every moment you spent with him in your head. From the first time you met to the steamy kiss you shared at his favorite bar. The connection was so strong you even stopped yourself from sleeping with him too fast because you felt that this time it was real.

Unfortunately, despite this exciting date, within days he went silent. There are three reasons as to why “prince charming,” disappeared. All of these reasons do not justify his actions or the pain he caused, but my hope is that you get a clearer understanding of what happened and why you should feel empowered in moving forward.

When a man leaves a woman with no explanation, her first thought is that she’s done something wrong. She asks herself, was I too forward? Did I give off that needy vibe? I must have said something to offend him, right?

While this might be a possibility, it most likely wasn’t her fault at all. It was him.

What is most confusing is that two of the three scenarios I’m about to discuss are understandable; we’ve seen and heard these things happen time and time again. But what about the third? The one I consider the most earth shattering, a type of experience that kills our soul and dims our self-love? Let me elaborate:

Scenario one: what you are probably already thinking is, yep, he vanished because he’s a player. This guy has been around the block. He is too young to think seriously, and too immature to even finalize his own life goals. This person was probably dating multiple people when he met you. He thought you seemed nice, pretty, and that you had enough sex appeal to entice him to take you out one lonely Friday night. It was never his intention to get involved, but he was too much of a coward to be honest with you. When you decided, like the respectable girl you are, not to sleep with him, he crossed you off his list for prospective hook-ups and threw you to the curb like all his other girls.

Scenario two: He stopped communication because he felt a stronger connection with someone else. He wanted a relationship, he really did, but that connection, which you thought was incredible, seemed much stronger to you than the one he felt. He met someone else, or had been seeing someone who made him feel like no other person could. This energy cord that attached to him was too strong for you to break. Therefore, with only a date or two under his belt with you, he thought it was an easy and quick getaway. He didn’t even think you would be that affected because to him there wasn’t much time invested (side note: this guy obviously has no sisters).

Scenario three (the confusing one): So this guy really does have feelings for you. He likes when you giggle, he likes your high energy and your love for adventure, he loves the face you make when you say something sassy and he enjoys how you stroke your fingers down his back when you cuddle on the sofa. He wants you. He truly does. But this feeling, a feeling he’s felt before, reminds him of pain – a feeling that is all too familiar from a previous heartbreak.

Not long ago it shattered…did he tell you? It broke into an unknowable number of fragments, but he didn’t want to bring it up because he knew you would see he was flawed. So instead he did his final act. Disappeared, like a magic trick leaving no remnants behind.

The rush, those words that you thought were an affirmation of his feelings, are now gone. And there you are, crying, confused about the situation, replaying those soul-enriching times you had in your mind. You thought for a moment that he could’ve been that next guy, maybe even the man you married. But he left.

What’s most mind-boggling is that you did nothing wrong. You were perfect, but he was imperfect. He let fear overcome his mind and senses. He let the thought of you turn into a future memory of pain – you leaving, crying, yelling at him for fights that you haven’t yet had.

Fear embraced his body and let it consume his being, leaving you blindsided.

He thinks he’s saving you. I hope you know that. He thinks by cutting the connection, he is somehow letting you find someone who is ready.

Sometimes we meet people to show us what we’re worth, some to know what it is to feel. But this guy was sent into your life for you to remember not to doubt your greatness, and the ability that you have to have someone fall so deeply for you that they can’t even handle it.

That person is coming, he’s closer than you know. He has been praying and dreaming about meeting you and has already asked the universe to bring him to you. Each turn you take, every person you meet, even the man who fell for you and disappeared, is one step closer to that.

My advice from encountering these three types of men in my own life is to allow yourself to feel the pain, allow yourself to sulk for a moment and then, when ready, pull yourself up; do something you enjoy and tell yourself that you deserve that love you have also been asking the universe to bring to you. All those thoughts and energies are being acknowledged and that day will come. Have faith in your future partner, he’s on his way, and he needs you to have your heart open when he does arrive. So please be open and remember that you are someone else’s blessing. TC mark

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