Thought Catalog
May 19, 2017

How To Get Him To Be The One To Chase You

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Twenty20 / @Leomacphoto

There’s a trap that I see for women in dating all the time.

Here’s how it goes…maybe you can relate:

We get caught up in the excitement that someone showed interest in us. He picked you! And we feel that we’ve finally got that validation that we’re worthy of love. That’s why we try so hard to make him like us, as if our lives depended on it, because for many of us, it really does. Without that validation from a guy we’re not sure of our own worth.

Well girl, not anymore.

I want you to have so much confidence, so much self-worth, that you’re going to turn things around.

I want you to remember that your worth isn’t dependent on whether someone chooses you or not. I want you to remember this: a woman who knows her own worth doesn’t need to chase after any man. She doesn’t have to make anyone want to be with her. She knows all that she has to offer and therefore won’t buy into someone else’s lies that she’s not good enough without a man in her life.

It’s time for you to understand that you are the one doing the choosing.

You always were and continue to be far more powerful than you even know. And you have the power to choose the kind of love you want in your life.

The key is to remember that you are the one doing the choosing, not waiting or hoping for someone to pick you. This isn’t meant to make you arrogant, but to take him off the pedestal that we all too quickly put him on, sometimes from just a photo and a few paragraphs in an online dating site.

You have to remind yourself that you don’t know anything about him yet. You don’t know how he treats people, what his values are, or if you want the same things out of life.

That’s when you’ll begin to change and how you act when you’re with him begins to change. If he’s in it for the real thing, he’ll recognize that he’s going to have to work a bit to win you over. That’s exactly what you want.

Guys actually love this! They want to have to win you over. They want to have to work hard to prove that they’re worthy of you. Men are wired to be chasers.

When you’re working so hard to prove your worth to him, it completely changes the dynamic away from one that works to one that most of the time simply doesn’t work.

This doesn’t mean be arrogant or standoffish when you meet a man. Allow yourself to be attracted to him, to smile, to feel those butterflies. Those are all natural feelings and they give him the green light to pursue you.

Remind yourself that you really don’t know anything about him yet. Remind yourself that you’re the one doing the choosing here, and that you’re raising the bar. I created a free video series to help you end dating frustration forever here.

You’re not going to accept just any behavior. You’re not going to accept him texting you last minute on a Friday night to “hang out”. You’re not going to accept him leading you on and never calling. You’re not going to accept casual hook-ups with no follow through.

It’s you who has to teach him how to treat you. Each of us teaches each and every man out there how to treat us. And we’ve all been putting up with this stuff for too long. There was another woman before you who put up with less than she really deserved.

We’ve become so proud of being the accommodating and understanding “cool girl” that we never knew in our heart that someone needs to earn the right to be with us.

I get it…we crave on every level of our being that feeling of being chosen and lovable, and we give up everything to have it. So we’ve lowered the bar, and we keep lowering it until we’ll settle for crumbs and endlessly check our phones or jump when he texts.

We then do ourselves the greatest disservice by holding off on living our own lives and blazing our own path. Our own missed opportunities come and go. Our own dreams never see their fulfillment. In the end, he has no idea what you’re capable of, and the amazing, beautiful woman that you really are.

Knowing now that it’s you doing the choosing, that it’s your choice too: are you going to choose a guy who isn’t going to call you? Are you going to choose a guy who texts you at the last minute? Are you going to choose a guy who’s going to treat you like a convenience when it’s convenient for him? Hell no!

You’re going to make a stand for real love. An old-fashioned kind of love that takes time, and risk, and commitment.

So next time you find yourself constantly checking your phone for a missed call, text, or email – just stop. Stop. Breathe. Remind yourself that you don’t know anything about him yet. And if he wants a shot at all with an amazing catch like you, he’ll have to step up his game.

This is about loving and honoring yourself so he can see the real, gorgeous, confident you. TC mark

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