What IS the deal with squirting?
Larry: Many men consider it to be the “Holy Grail” of sex – the pinnacle of ecstasy to which you can take your partner, and enjoy with her.
I think the rarity of it adds greatly to the intrigue surrounding it. It’s something I’ve only experienced with a woman a select handful of times, but boy, the arrival of that during the peak of some great sex raises the heat by a factor of 100 (at least for me)! Before I ever participated in a woman squirting, I saw my share of it in porn over the years, and the physical response of the particular porn actress always captivated me. Almost like her eyes were rolling back in her head. [Sidebar: There’s a fantastic scene with Pinky where she squirts like a geyser and shouts to the heavens, “MY JUICES!!!!!” A+]
My thought automatically became “I’ve got to get a woman to do that.” I saw it as a natural extension of causing a woman to orgasm. In my mind, the ideal sequence of events was to: 1. Start with prolonged foreplay – going down on your woman, patiently easing her into the experience (and possibly bringing her to orgasm this way); then 2. Engage in actual intercourse in a variety of stimulating ways/positions aimed at her pleasure; and finally 3. If possible, make her squirt. I assumed that was the ultimate release of the climactic, multi-orgasmic crescendo many women are able to experience, so in the rare event that has happened while I’m having sex, it has been both enormously satisfying and mind-numbingly HOT!!!
Alexis: It’s one of the very rare things that makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because guys ask about it and I am like um? I don’t know? Who cares? Why are you asking about squirting when there’s a million bases to cover before that (it’s always been guys who i havent had sex with, possibly as a result of their asking this question.)I don’t really get it because it’s like, I am already worried about performing on so many different levels with sex, do we REALLY need to have another one?
It’s also counter-intuitive for a woman to *want* to be messy. I read something the other day about a girl surprising a guy with being a virgin right before they had sex, and they had sex anyways. She bled and stained his mattress and he was upset about it. I think it’s wrong for him to be upset, but all my friends have had a similar experience being embarrassed with a surprise period or something. That’s part of sex, I think. In the contract of having sex with someone you are saying yes to the human element of it–it’s not going to be a movie montage and you can’t demand that. If something goes wrong, you both deal with it in a supportive way, those are the terms of having sex, for every person.
“The contract of having sex”
Larry: That gave me remarkable insight into women!
The Contract of Having Sex is a real thing, even though it’s usually shredded by the one-sidedness of your average encounter. I came across a very good movie on Netflix, “Sacred Love-Making,” and it caused me to reevaluate my entire approach to sex. I’ve always put a woman’s pleasure first in bed, but it dawned on me that the execution of that approach has rarely (if ever) been INCLUSIVE enough of my partner. Having grown in conscious awareness, I accept the vast importance of stating your intention (even if not audibly) before ANY task, and I NEVER did that with sex! Other than proclaiming “I’m bout to tear this pussy up…” What has been missing is any understanding whatsoever of a woman’s MENTAL approach to sex. With practice, you can feel when your nature collides with another – it’s unmistakable, however our awareness of it is largely physical, even primal. In short, I see it’s counterproductive as hell to be jackhammering to try and make your woman squirt when all SHE’S worrying about is the mess it’s going to make. At least when you haven’t talked it through in earnest, as it is with everything else love- and sex-related.
Alexis: I think that’s a barrier for guys who want to do anal too. The mess factor. That and the fact that there’s no prostate there in women, so it seems like a gay dude thing to do, because there’s not a sex organ there in a woman’s body.
I know a lot of guys who are really concerned with a woman’s pleasure. I think it can backfire at the same time that I know how it feels, cause I feel sexiest when the guy is having a great time. Maybe that’s what you’re talking about, that the uncomfortablness of putting a person on the spot who doesn’t like being demanding cancels out your goal of focusing on her desires.
Any closing thoughts?
Larry: Thinking on your response though, and having discussed this with other women, I’ve come to the conclusion that squirting is NOT the end all, be all for women, and that many are openly repulsed by it. I don’t judge myself for having enjoyed the experience when it’s happened, nor for being turned on when I see a porn actress squirt, but I have deemed it utterly ridiculous to try and cause a woman to do that if she has no interest in doing so. A simple dialogue like this BEFORE sex – one in which both partners discuss desires, expectations, hangups, whatever – goes a LONG way.