September 13, 2016

Why You’re Wasting Your Fucking Time Trying To Be The ‘Chill’ Girl

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What is the issue?
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We spend so much time pretending.

We pretend to have passion for our job. We pretend to love ourselves. We pretend that we’re doing great when really we’re struggling. We pretend we don’t have feelings for that person we really do. Because pretending is so much easier than the truth. It’s so much easier to go through life pretending to not feel rejection or pain because pain and rejection suck. So bad.

Rejection is crippling. It will keep us from so many things. Our goals. Our loves. Our true potential. All because there’s a chance we could fail. And failing would be the worst thing.

Instead of seeing the beauty in failure, we see nothing but the negatives.

When we’re lying bloodied and bruised on the ground, we let life beat the hell out of us. And then we wonder what the fuck we did to deserve that.

But many people stand. They stand after getting their ass kicked and get another serving of it. And then another. And they keep getting back up. They keep fighting because there’s nothing else we can do. Life is a cage match and we don’t get out of it alive.

And we’re force fed so many images that cater to our own self-loathing. We’re constantly shown people we’re never going to be like in a million years for one reason or another. We’re told to keep our feelings in and play hard to get because telling someone how we feel would make you weak. It would give the other person the power. It would leave everything up to them because you were the one who was vulnerable. Instead of celebrating someone who’s brave enough to express how they feel.

As someone who has a problem with exploding their feelings all over people, constantly, I can tell you that it’s worth it. So many of us go through life believing we’re not worthy of love. That some of us are destined for it but for the rest of us, we’re just unlovable. We’re unlovable for which ever reason we’re telling ourselves. Whether it’s we’re too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too pretty, too smart, too independent, too whatever. There’s a reason that we’re not good enough.

But fuck that. Fuck all of the things that you tell yourself. Fuck the fact that society makes us feel like we need to pretend in order to succeed. Why does living authentically scare the shit of us so much? Why is it that people being happy and who they are makes us look at them like they’re the insane ones?

Why is it the people who love themselves, truly love themselves, conceited and vain?

I’ll never be cool. Cool enough to play hard to get. I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I fall for people constantly. Not just romantically. I fall for people all the time because I believe this world is short of love. We’re not letting ourselves love each other as human beings. We’re too busy competing. We’re too busy hating the differences we see in each other. We’re too busy to just stop and try to understand each other.

What the world needs, what humans need, is pure, unadulterated love. That’s it.

If you’re like me and you can’t help but let your love bubble over people like volcano lava, don’t listen to your friends when they tell you to reign it in. Don’t take advice from those books that call you a doormat because you’re willing to tell someone you give a shit about them. Just love people. And continue to, without worry of how it might make you look.

So maybe I’ll lose people because of my inability to play it cool and not tell them how much I love them in one way or another. Maybe people will think I’m weird for telling them how great they are on a regular. Maybe I’ll be single forever because I will never be able to play the games. Maybe or maybe not. Who knows.

But what I refuse to buy into is not telling people how amazing they are.

Because you are so incredibly beautiful no matter what reason you tell yourself you’re not. TC mark

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