Thought Catalog
March 11, 2017

You Must Love Yourself Before You Can Love Mr. Right

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Brooke Cagle

To find real love, you must first look at yourself. Take a deep, internal note of who you are, and see if you know who’s really there. Some hide from themselves; they are like foreigners in their own conscious – never knowing anything about who they are, or what they want out of their personal life. Life is supposed to set you off on a journey of self-discovery.

Along the way, one finds passion in a number of things, and the passion emits a sense of purpose for our existence. However, to live the best life possible, you must love yourself.

When you love yourself, you know who you are and what you are about, which assists in forming your purpose. Through the eyes of passion, we have the power to see ourselves so clearly, which leads us to feel our purpose to love ourselves and others, and help them in any way we can. When we are made up of joy and love, we embrace and appreciate those around us on an infinite level; making our world an authentic, peaceful place. If you do not love your identity, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give someone else that you aren’t even giving to yourself.

When you love yourself unconditionally, you’ll be able to love others the same way; making you incapable of hurting another. Loving your identity will result in endless happiness. Moreover, nobody can make you happy until you’re happy with yourself first. Achieve this mindset, and your union with another individual will surely help you grow. It is unreasonable to care and love someone else, if you cannot do so for yourself first.

When the time comes where you no longer fear mistakes (for, lessons are made out of them), you are able to compassionately observe yourself (be mindful of decisions), you know that happiness comes from within, you stop worrying about what other people think and you no longer judge others, you have the courage to let go of all the toxic things that no longer serve you, you no longer feel lonely when you are alone with just yourself, and you finally feel free in the present moment; this is the epitome of what self-love is. Now that you have so much love for yourself, you have even more to pour onto another’s human soul.

Love from another may come as easily as it did when you’ve discovered it from within. This is because from self-love, comes emanating happiness, confidence, peace, positivity, and playfulness. These qualities are a powerful attraction to others; making your close-to-ideal (perfect does not exist) partner intrigued, enticed, and ultimately enchanted, by you and your aura. So relax…love is not something you can physically grasp, or go looking for. It is much more troublesome, complex, and unpredictable. ‘The one’ will come to you in some form, whether it be by attraction, or coincidence.

However, when you do feel like you’ve found someone you can really believe you can potentially continue on loving, always think about the whole situation. Most importantly, when you love yourself, you know who you are, and what you want. This makes it easier to know what qualities you desire in your ‘Mr. Right’.

Keep in mind, Mr. Right should be respectful. A real man treats a woman with respect. He proves his good intentions, respects all women, and he is faithful. Essentially, he respects his woman’s beliefs, motives, and goals.

Mr. Right is empowering – he enriches your life. He enhances your strengths, and tells you you’re amazing. He is motivating, uplifting with his words, and would never dare to belittle you. At your lows, he will give you life and vitality and never let you give up…because he is just that cool, and desires the best for you.

Mr. Right is totally supportive with all that you do. He wants to be there through the journey of your success and be there for you emotionally, for advice, etc. A woman wants her man to support her decisions, not because she isn’t confident enough to do it on her own, but because she would feel so proud and appreciative that he is there with her.

Mr. Right is above all, rational, and emotionally intelligent. You are able to have a stimulating conversation with him that really draws both of you in; connecting both humans even more. He is able to listen, and carry on the verbal communication, and not always agree with his partner. Keeping things interesting is important. He must be able to perceive emotions, use emotions, understand emotions, and most importantly know how to manage them. He shouldn’t be a dramatic, problem-seeking disaster. They are balanced and self-aware.

Trustworthiness is required for long-lasting relationships. For a relationship to mean anything, trust is a must. When we begin a relationship with someone, we’re making the choice to trust them. If you feel that you aren’t able to trust anyone else right now, you might not be ready to be in a relationship. But trust can be a beautiful thing; it brings freedom and security to experience the full potential of intimacy, love, and vulnerability the relationship has to offer. Without trust, the couple lives in fear and insecurity, which blocks and basically limits the relationship’s, possibly amazing, potential.

Trust is needed for a relationship to thrive, and if the person you are with is not trustworthy, they are not worth your future if they can’t stop playing games.

He doesn’t just love you, he also values you. You will know this because after you have taken the time and invested in yourself, you’ll know the value of who you are, and will not accept anyone who takes you for granted. Mr. Right will know your worth. He feels complete with you; you’re each other’s better halves.

Do not stay with someone who doesn’t fully invest in you and the relationship. Do not be with someone who doesn’t fully trust, respect or love you just because you’re scared to let him go, in hopes he might change. If you’re wondering what you’re doing wrong, or why he is not as involved as you are, you’re letting your values down, and lowering your self-worth.

You hope you can be a positive impact in his life, but love should not change a person into the idea you want them to be. They are who they are, but as long as you know your value, you will be treated right; as you should, and deserve to be treated.

Finally, Mr. Right should have self-love too. TC mark