Forthcoming Episodes Of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ Probably
“Jennifer Love Hewitt is producing a modern-day TV adaptation of Pride and Prejudice for Lifetime called Darcy’s Town.”
– New York Magazine
With minor modifications to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s oeuvre, a series is born.
Episode 1: I Know What You Did Last Summer
Elizabeth’s sisters visit Darcy’s Town. The Bennett girls, accompanied by Darcy and Bingley, go out on the town to celebrate. Returning in Darcy and Elizabeth’s new carriage, they hit and apparently kill a mysterious stranger. After dumping the corpse in the lake, the group agree to never again discuss what had happened… until a year later when Elizabeth receives a note ominously declaring “I know what you did last summer!”
Episode 2: Can’t Hardly Wait
Kitty tries to lose her virginity on the last night the militia are in town. Charlotte Lucas’s younger brother plans to proclaim his love to his four-year secret crush, Caroline Bingley. On a bet, Wickham transforms the bookish and plain Mary Bennett into the most popular girl for the last ball of the season. Freddie Prinz, Jr. guest stars as Ms. Bingely’s jock boyfriend.
Episode 3: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
The murderous stranger, revealed to be Lady Catherine de Bourgh, is back with a vengeance. She stalks the Bennett gang, causing even more murder and mayhem, this time at a posh island resort, interrupting Elizabeth and the girls’ booze-fueled spring break.
Episode 4: Heartbreakers
After the death of Bingley at the hands of Lady de Bourgh, Jane and her mother pair up as a con team to seduce and scam the wealthy men of Darcy’s Town. Jane develops feelings for one of targets, Colonel Fitzwilliam.
Episode 5: Ghost Whisperer
Elizabeth discovers an ability to communicate with the earthbound spirits of the recently deceased and overcomes her skepticism and doubt to help send their important messages to the living, allowing the dead to pass on to the other side. Will Georgina Darcy believe her missives from beyond? Darcy struggles with his feelings toward a flirtatious secretary at work.
Episode 6: Party of Five
Mr. and Mrs. Bennett are killed by a drunk carriage driver, leaving their five children to fend for themselves in Darcy’s Town. The siblings take over running Longbourn, desperately trying to keep it from William Collins.
Episode 7: Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber
Charlotte Lucas, nearly thirty and with a new taste for the luxuries of Rosings, will stop at nothing to climb her way to the top of the Darcy’s Town social ladder.
Episode 8: The Client List
Lydia, abandoned by Wickham, is a single mother living in a small village near Darcy’s Town and leading a shocking double life.
Episode 9: SVU – Behave
Haunted by the memory of a vicious sexual attack at a neighbor’s ball, and convinced that her anonymous assailant has made it his life mission to hunt her down again, Elizabeth has become a recluse who spends her days doing needlepoint in the Bennet’s home. Jane Fairfax makes a shocking guest appearance as the sensitive but iron-willed detective who gets Elizabeth to open up and reclaim her life.
Episode 10: Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties
The Bennets’ heart and rustic housecat gets in a spat with Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s refined British Shorthair, Guinevere. A lively battle of cat wits in British accents and some light kitty litter humor ensue.
Episodes 11 – 22
Pending series pickup.
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Dear Liam, I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills.
18. It helps if your cat can grow a mustache.
Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is.
By its very nature as a rigorous athletic sport, basketball discriminates in favor of the young.