Thought Catalog
March 15, 2017

10 Red Flags You Should Never Ignore When Dating Someone New

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What is the issue?
Christiana Rivers

It is a messy process to invite someone into the innermost parts of your life. It involves taking two completely separate lives and finding a way to intertwine them in a healthy way. For some this process happens very easily, for others it takes a little more work and intentionality. A lot of relationship simply don’t work because there were clear signs that were ignored at some point during their time together. If your significant other shows any of these signs, it may be worth taking an honest step back and evaluating the relationship.

1. They are their own biggest fan.

Arrogance is never an attractive quality (or shouldn’t be). If they are only able to see the best qualities about themselves, there is usually some insecurity they are avoiding or lack some level of self-awareness. If they broke up with their last significant other because they were not good enough for them, chances are they will eventually feel the same way about you. People like this usually have unrealistic expectations for their significant others and an over-inflated degree of self-worth.

2. You are the center of their universe.

Companionship is not bad until it becomes codependency. If a person doesn’t know how to see themselves as a complete person without a significant other that need will often be projected onto whomever they date.

3. Their problems are always someone else’s fault.

If they are unable to acknowledge their own mistakes and shortcomings, they will make you the bad guy at the center of every confrontation. They will also be more like to end the relationship rather than find common ground and feel completely justified in doing so.

4. They expect you to fit into their busy schedule.

Being busy is not a problem, but if someone perpetually expects you to work around their schedule, they are generally looking for convenience more than a relationship. People prioritize what they care about and relationships are about being more than a bullet point on a to-do list.

5. They do not communicate with you well.

Shallow responses to deep questions, avoiding conflicts, unwillingness to open up. If you feel like your significant other is holding back from you, they are probably looking for a relationship they can have on their terms. Not everyone will open up at the same pace, but eventually your SO should feel comfortable sharing the less than pretty parts of themselves with you.

6. It feels like they are not being completely honest with you.

This goes along with communication, but there is a distinct difference between a bad communicator and a dishonest person. If they give you half-truths or are not forthright about where they are, who they are talking to, or who they are with, this should give you pause. Especially if you have been in a relationship for a while, trust your instincts.

7. They don’t want “labels.”

This is fine in the early stages, but at some point there needs to be a clear definition of the relationship. A person who is not willing to call you their significant other, especially months into a relationship, usually doesn’t want to commit which can get confusing very quickly.

8. They do not have ambitions or goals.

If your significant other cannot tell you what they are trying to accomplish with their life other than their plans for the weekend, take a step back. That will be fun for a while, and there is definitely a time and place for it, but there is more to life than living paycheck to paycheck and hitting that next party.

9. They cannot verbalize why they are with you.

In any relationship, partners should have some idea of why they are with the other person. If your significant other cannot tell you what value you bring to their life, you are probably just a placeholder to ease their own loneliness. Even something as simple as, “I just enjoy your company,” should not be hard to convey to someone a person genuinely wants to be with.

10. You have been warned by multiple people about them.

This should be a given, but it is worth saying. People have reputations for a reason. If multiple people, particularly those who have known them for a while, are trying to dissuade you from getting involved with them, it is worth taking note of. People are creatures of habit, and despite how genuinely we feel things, they are not always easily broken. TC mark