Thought Catalog
May 5, 2017

Please Be Patient, I’m Still Learning To Open My Heart

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What is the issue?
Cynthia Del Rio

Some days you are more familiar than the lines on my palm. But I only know how to keep you tucked away like my favorite love letter hoping one day you’ll find the ghost of your presence in these words.

You say I carry too many metaphors in the pockets of my mind, nothing I ever say is binary, when given a choice between yes or no my palms always reach for maybe. That’s why I never really learnt to say I love you, instead I say, I like you. a lot.

We keep watching the slow drift of the seasons from our windows in different cities. Some days this distance feels like a weight on my chest that won’t let me breathe till I see you and some days it is like a safety blanket. Because you see, I never quite learnt how to pronounce intimacy.

So when you try to make a home in my padlock heart, my fingers still tremble to give you the key.

I’m not well versed in the intricacies of love, all I’ve learnt about it has been through heartbreak and disappointment so I’m so sorry , I know on most days it feels like we keep dancing between a platonic friendship and love never quite sure where our feet will land.
I can never quite call you mine, but my dreams are still haunted by you your eyes like trapped sunlight. I keep hoping one day these walls will break between us and I’ll be the one holding the axe.

I keep hoping one day I’ll learn to hold your hand  without it feeling like a free fall without a safety net, without my brain calculating the ten thousand ways I could die.

I’m learning to open my heart, and I want to learn with you. TC mark