When A Girl Struggling With Depression Begins To Love You

I’m just a restless mind full of fleeting thoughts and half lit emotions that come in changing waves of devastating intensity or quiet numbness.

I try to love you somewhere between the shadows of my impatient soul and a heart in desperate search of love. But I only stumble and fall through the crooked lanes of our consuming romance. Somehow I don’t belong here.

Our lives entwine like vines, we live on shared sunlight and everyday is an adventure when you’re around.

But I’m terrified of this intimacy.

I’m terrified that someday I’ll be robbed of this closeness that’s grown on me like second skin. How will I live with all the empty spaces you’ll leave behind?

The ghosts from the haunted house of my soul find a way into our conversations and I watch the light drain out of your eyes.

You know my sadness better than anyone else after all it is the silent but consistent companion in our relationship. There more good days than bad since I’ve met you but there are still times that I feel like the walls in my mind are closing in, the uncertainties and darkness that sink its teeth into me until I can’t breathe and I imagine our love slowly withering away.

How am I supposed to make you stay when I’m struggling to find reasons to love myself?

Finding you was like coming home after war and relearning all things familiar after days of endless darkness. Like you’ve been a part of me before I even realised it. You’re like waking up to life, apathy replaced by electricity in my bones.

However somewhere in middle of all the things you are and all the things I can’t be ,I find that I don’t know how to love you and I’m terrified I’ve been doing it wrong all along.