You Are My Favorite ‘What If?’

You are my friend and I’m thankful because I have you. You saw me both in my ups and downs. You’ve been a really good friend.

I know what you feel about me is as cliché as it could be but I never once doubt your feelings. I know you’re always there for me not because you expect me to return the feelings but because you want to be there for me as a friend because you know I needed you.

You saw me when I had my heart broken and even though you tried too hard to mend my broken heart I have to admit that I have to mend it myself. I’m thankful because you are my Angkor, you keep me afloat.

I want you to know that if I can teach my heart to love someone again it will be you and I will forever choose you. When I can finally learn to love someone again I want it to be with you because I know you’ll never hurt me. You’ll never get tired of me and will forever be my other half but until then I want you to know that for now I want you to be happy with someone else, someone less hurt, someone who’s complete enough to love you because you deserve that. I don’t deserve you now and I don’t know if I will ever deserve your love.

I’m broken now and I don’t want you to wait for me to be whole again. I don’t want to make you wait for the uncertainty of a future with me. To be honest I don’t know when I will be okay again. I’m not saying this because there’s no chance that I’ll love you the way you love me in the future. I’m saying this because I don’t want for you to wait around for something that will take awhile to mend. You deserve better than that.

I perfectly know that when I let you go now there’s a chance that you will never come back to me again. I’m honestly afraid that you’ll find someone better than me. I’m afraid that you’ll love her more than you ever loved me but I’m done being afraid.

For once in my life I don’t want to be selfish.

I want you to find someone worthy of your love, worthy of your time and effort. I know she’s out there somewhere and waiting for you to take a look at her. I want you to be completely happy even if it’s without me.

I’m thankful because you keep up with my hang ups and late comings. You never get tired that’s why I’m letting you go now. I want you to be free.

I need to find myself and I need to heal my broken heart. I need time to fix myself so I can be ready for someone like you. I need to be with myself and not rely on you. I need to be independent.

I want you to know that if ever faith leads us back to each other again I’ll be okay and I’ll be ready. I want you to know that you’re my “the one that got away” and my favourite “what if.”