Some people do not like change, and I am one of them. Once you become my friend, or I consider myself your friend, I am not very likely to want to let go of you. I’m like a monkey hanging off of your back until you pry me off. Long term friendships are what I aspire to. This being said, I miss the signs of a deteriorating friendship until after the fact. Some things then that seemed a little strange are now big red flag warning signs.

1. She doesn’t make time for you

This doesn’t mean that she is just busy, because some people just genuinely are. I mean those times when it seems like she is making up an excuse not to hang out with you, or it seems farfetched. Another indicator of this is when she cannot seem to make time for you unless it is on her schedule (And even that seems like she is checking off a chore.)

2. She outwardly bashes her other friends often

All friends do this. I’ve had entire friendships based on mutual hatred. It’s also a great way to get off some steam and work out dilemmas with others if your friend is trustworthy and willing to lend an ear. But if that one friend is constantly negative and constantly gossiping about and putting down other people, she probably talks just as negatively about you to all your other friends. And if that’s not off-putting, then you’re a robot.

3. She has nothing in common with you

Yes, the two of you probably had something in common at one point. You took the same science class in high school, you were on the soccer team together, and you both loved the same boy band. But, people do grow apart and change as they age. You may go to college hours away, and she may live at home. She may get engaged while you are living the career driven single life. Both of your paths may be right for you, however those two paths may not intersect. Having nothing in common doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t be friends anymore, on the contrary having new experiences away from each other may liven up your friendship and spice up your conversations.

4. She never contacts you first

Some people just don’t like contacting others first and that’s okay. People do get busy, too. But if she never contacts you first that normally means that she never thinks about you. I love when I get a random unsolicited text from a friend saying that she thought of me when she ate eggs because she remembered that I hate them or when they reminisce about a shared experience that they remembered over the course of their day. Friends don’t always need to be in constant contact, but it’s nice to know your friend is thinking of you. If they never text or call you first, then they obviously aren’t thinking of you, so why should you be thinking about them?

5. She starts drifting towards other friends

It’s fine that people have other friends. Newsflash, you have other friends too. Having other friends is definitely okay. But what really rattles me is when all of a sudden that person’s friend group changes, and this is the red flag. If your friend all of a sudden starts really bonding and hanging out with others while neglecting your connection that may have taken years to build, your friendship is on the line because they’re pulling away from you and possibly your other friends.

6. You start hitting below the belt

You both start making subtle digs when you talk to each other. Maybe it is like a joking that you two used to do before or maybe it’s just little comments that make you both feel superior to each other, but you both are saying things that when you were friends that you normally wouldn’t have thought of or wouldn’t had said. Because, in reality, those things never truly mattered before. You talk to each other behind the other person’s back, however you are saying things that you wouldn’t have said before, because they are your friend and that secret wasn’t yours to tell or that comment was just downright mean. If you catch yourself saying things like this it is a red flag because they are saying the same kind of things about you and you are not friends if this is happening.

7. You start to feel spiteful

The moment that I knew that the friendship was over was when I started to feel spiteful. Spite is never a good feeling and makes you feel truly ugly inside. Feeling envious over someone’s achievements and happy moments isn’t right, especially when you used to be their friend. But, in a way I was envious that I wasn’t the one to be there with her doing all those cool things like visiting local attractions and travelling and it made my life feel boring. But, being spiteful is toxic not only to yourself but to your relationships with your other friends. Who wants to wake up in the morning, see an Instagram selfie of your ex-bff at the ocean, and then spitefully text another friend about how fake that other person has become?

8. You think that your life would be better without them

This is a big red flag, and definitely the last step in any friendship breakup. If you find yourself thinking that your life would be a better and more positive one without them in it, let them go. This is your life, and you don’t need toxic people that will drag you down. You need people in your life who support you and make you feel positive about your life. And if that person no longer makes you feel that way, this friendship isn’t worth your time.