My New Life In New Myspace
I’m ready for my new life in New Myspace.
I’m ready to graduate from my old life and make the move.
I’ve heard it’s safe but not like too too safe to move to New Myspace.
I hear it’s a cool/hip place where you don’t find too many parents just yet.
I want to make sure to move before it’s too late.
I don’t want to move there after the inevitable, “20 Ways You Know You’re A True New Myspacer” posts come out.
I already missed New York.
I already missed New Orleans.
I don’t want it to seem like I’m just following a pre-established path to be a twenty-something with meaning in my life.
I want my meaning to be considered real/authentic meaning.
I want my existence in New Myspace to have purpose.
I already went on Amazon and subscribed to The New Myspacer.
I don’t really know anyone there yet so I went on Craigslist to see if someone with a lot of friends is subletting their profile.
I’m worried my first few months in New Myspace will be lonely.
My college girlfriend won’t move with me to New Myspace.
I’m worried I’ll spend a lot of time in New Myspace talking to myself.
I’m worried I’ll get desperate to find new friends and fall into some weird circles.
I just want to find some quirky-but-not-too-quirky people to have a good time with.
If anyone wants to hang out in New Myspace let me know.
We can talk about music together.
I hear there is a good music scene in New Myspace.
I hear it’s all free right now but I’m sure a few months after moving I’ll end up getting priced out of the New Myspace scenes I helped create.
I know gentrification is inevitable.
I know I’ll be part of the problem.
I will end up spending all of my money.
I won’t even be able to afford a 40 of Miller High Life anymore.
I will probably have to move back to the Facebook suburbs where my parents can keep tabs on me and make sure I’m healthy.
I will probably have to move back again but I think my authentic/real time in New Myspace will be worth it.
I will be able to tell people I lived in New Myspace, even if it’s only for a couple months, for the rest of my life.
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Bonus points if you actually use different voices/accents for the different people in the imaginary conversation. That is a prestigious level of shower insanity.
I had a number of other essays I wanted to write tonight. There were other topics that deserved attention, essays I humbly felt might shed light on the human condition, on the difficulties and odd experiences we all deal with on a daily basis. But here I am, writing a defense of pubic hair.
6. The Usual Suspects
By Ed Herro
When your audience is this big, how can you really “know” it?
By Liz Colville