Are You A Carrie Or A Carrie?

Feb. 4, 2013

By Rachel Klein info

Rachel Klein is a comedian and writer living in Boston, Massachusetts. Her writing has been featured in the Canadian ...

Read more »

You drink a glass of white wine:

A. To calm your nerves after a stressful real-talk convo with the girls about fellatio and trying to “have it all” in the Big City.
B. To calm your nerves after a seven hour interrogation of an international terrorist bent on doing harm to the United States and its allies.

When you’re “doing the walk of shame,” you’re usually leaving:

A. The apartment of a handsome, young-middle-aged Manhattan millionaire.
B. The suburban home of an international terrorist bent on doing harm to the United States and its allies.

If someone opened your medicine cabinet, they’d find:

A. Your birth control pills, a half-finished bottle of valium, and an expired box of Dexatrim.
B. Seven different kids of anti-psychotic medications with your dad’s name on the label.

Does the carpet match the drapes?

A. You’re a strictly “hardwood flooring” kind of girl.
B. What the hell are you talking about? Don’t you know that there are international terrorist out there bent on doing harm to the United States and its allies? This isn’t some joke! I’m out there trying to stop Abu Nazir from killing innocent civilians and you’re asking me about my pubic hair?! Who gave you clearance for this? Was it fucking Estes? I swear to fucking God…

What’s your idea of a perfect Saturday morning?

A. Morning sex, pilates and a mani-pedi followed by brunch (and Cosmos!) with the girls.
B. I’m not sure if you understand that gravity of what I’m trying to tell you! There is not much time, and we are this close to nailing Nazir and his whole operation, but all you can think about is some bullshit questionnaire?! You want to know my idea of a perfect Saturday morning? It’s smearing the blood of Nazir’s corpse across my face like war paint and running through the offices of CIA headquarters yelling, “Who’s crazy now, assholes?!” Is that what you wanted to hear? Jesus Christ! This is a fucking mess!

Gingers — hot or not?

A. Not.
B. Hot. Very hot. TC mark

You should like Thought Catalog on Facebook here.

Tagged , ,


View Comments

Add Yours »

Cataloged in

Text Size:

A | A | A

  • http://www.howsweeteats.com/2013/02/tuesday-things-85/ Tuesday Things. | How Sweet It Is

    [...] that indulges often in both Homeland and Sex and the City, I got a little giggle out of this “are you a carrie or a carrie” article. I’m a… [...]

  • http://inbrookesshoes.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/chapter-2/ Chapter 2 |

    [...] Are You A Carrie or A Carrie? [...]

  • http://lucialijtmaer.net/2013/02/14/fuck-yeah-amor-total/ Fuck yeah amor total « Lucía Lijtmaer

    [...] 9.Además de lo básicamente emocional o algún despiporre político , es muy divertido: uno de los hallazgos de la web es haber explicado el salto generacional de una Carrie a otra Carrie.  [...]

blog comments powered by Disqus

Recently Cataloged