4 Rap Videos That Built Me
Rap music it seems like is our last uninfected cultural bloodline. Every surrounding vein is filled with TMZ glam-hack actor-smallpox blood and Ebola style strands of reality television. The yellow, Jaundice ridden American culture corpse still has half a soul thanks to rap music. What makes me most proud of my national origin is that we originated rap and the rest of the world looks and sounds stupid when they try to do it. The latter doesn’t stem from my xenophobia, but from the well of logical nationalism that resides deep inside my patriotic heart. I’m not saying that the genre is completely garbage free, but on the comparison triple-beam there’s still some substance and weight to it.
It is the soundtrack for those without trust funds, for those who have to respect a boss that doesn’t respect them. Rap celebrates the victories in the full contact Lord of The Flies blood-sport that we call capitalism, which is basically the core of who and what we are as a nation. In the United States nobody cares how you get rich, all that matters is that you get there. Jay-Z is a perfect example. Sean Carter is the American dream. This dude sold dope to beat the odds and we love him for it, and rightfully so. I am a huge advocate of the “by any means necessary” approach to winning the America game. Basically rappers magnify our core national values; greed, success and materialism.
The following are songs and videos that have been integral in the development of me and my personality.
2Pac – I Get Around
This was the first video that I saw 2Pac in. This was the making of a legend. The energy, charisma and ambition emanating from my family’s shitty television set captivated me. The party in the video is better than any party that I’ve attended to this very day. I doubt that I will ever be a guest at a get-together that fun and I’ve accepted that. There are several references to beepers/pagers in the song and that alone is all I need. (I want to take a moment and give a special shout out to anyone that owned a pager in their life.) What I learned from 2Pac was that we have to have confidence. He shows no signs of insecurity being surrounded by all of those women. I’ve always wanted to model my social situations after this video.
Eazy E – Real Muthaphuckkin G’s
I mean if I were Dr. Dre I would have been scared. Eazy E got his entire city to be in this video and they all looked really mad at Andre Young. His friends are holding baseball bats and every so often someone brandishes a blur which is really a hand gun that MTV couldn’t show! This song taught me to stand up for myself. If someone messes with you, bury them. Beef is healthy and the need for retribution is deeply embedded into our red, white and blue DNA.
Naughty By Nature – O.P.P.
The title is an initialism for “other people’s pussy” and “other people’s penis”; when the song asks if the listener is “down with O.P.P.”, it is asking if he/she is willing to have sexual intercourse with a person who is known to already have a significant other.– Wikipedia
What a smart approach to a healthy sex-life. This school of thought opens up a whole new market of unhappy people in unhealthy relationships that we can sleep with. I’m a firm believer in the neighbor’s pear tree bearing sweeter fruit. Plus if you pay attention, Queen Latifah is in the video singing along. I trust any philosophy that she endorses.
Warren G – Regulate ft. Nate Dog
This is story telling at it’s best.
“It was a clear black night, a clear white moon.”
Warren starts the track off with such powerful Walt Whitman-esq imagery. Once the scene is set we see Nate eye a car full of beautiful women which leads him to believe that the night is going to be great. But then all of a sudden Warren thinks it’s a good idea to jump out of the car and play dice with a group of strangers. This is not smart. What I learned from this video was the golden rule to life and business; DO NOT TRUST ANYONE. These guys took his rings and his Rolex. But little did these idiots know that Nate had sixteen in the clip and one in the hole. (A loaded firearm with sixteen bullets and one in the chamber.) He let his gat explode.
Nate and Warren went back to the women in the car and they all ended up making love at The Eastside Motel. The moral of this story is not only do not trust anybody but also help women when their cars break down.
Line of the decade: “If you smoke like I smoke, then you’re high like every day”
As an added bonus there are scenes from Above The Rim interspersed throughout the video.
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You basically have to walk a perfect straight line at all times in Japan because if you veer off at any moment you will almost definitely get mashed by a Japanese lady on a mamabike with three kids strapped to it.
Come on people, as if other people’s choices of love affected you in the least. Penguins don’t pull this crap on fellow homosexual penguins.
3. You’ve searched Etsy or eBay for a cute and inexpensive fez.
This is the first part of a book that I am writing for Thought Catalog. This is a fiction book about young people in New York City. A lot of it is not fiction, and not made up, because I am not sure if I am very good at making things up.