When You Miss Someone Who Lives In A Different State

Jun. 4, 2012

By Todd Clayton info

Todd lives in New York City.

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When you miss someone who lives in a different state, someone whose phone has a foreign area code and whose city’s weather you check every morning when you wake up, someone you’re learning to love but you can’t say love yet so you say, “really, really like,” and, “think the world of,” and, “more than I’ve ever liked someone before,” someone who stumbled into your life by surprise, the missing can be particularly pernicious. It pries open your fingernails and crawls underneath, swimming just below your skin and settling like cement in your heart.

You spend all day trying not to think about it — about what his breath feels like on the back of your neck while you’re sleeping, about how his eyes wrinkle when they laugh, about how his hands were sore from holding yours for so long, about that dinner, about Owen Street and the night you spent there, about how you smiled when your laundry was all mixed up, about not caring whose clothes were whose, about the way he sang in the car, about the time he stood behind you in line, snuck his hands around your waist, and locked his chin over your shoulder, about how it belonged there, about the conversations, and the silence, and how they were both just as full, about, about, about. You busy yourself to forget, at least for now because the remembering hurts like woah. You write. You cook. You travel. You laugh even when you don’t feel like laughing. You run. You say yes when your friend asks you to go to the mall after work.

And then Brandon Flowers comes on while you’re standing in H&M — the song he sent you months ago — and, like an army of guerrilla warriors hell bent on foiling your resolve, the missing invades your consciousness, secures its flag in your otherwise preoccupied mind, and holds you hostage. A neon-green V-neck in hand, you steel away to the accessories section so no one else sees when your eyes start to warm. You cry next to the goddamn jewelry display, the one with the feather necklaces and owl rings, and curse the radio for reminding you of what you were trying so desperately to ignore: that you wish he were there to eat the rest of your pretzel because you’re full and don’t want to just throw it away, that you wish he were close enough to hold. You resent the people that rolled their eyes and told you this would be hard.

When you miss someone who lives in a different state, you fall asleep holding pillows and learn to decipher the cracks and catches in his voice — the ones that tell you he really cares — because you can’t always see his eyes when you talk. You learn to trust him. More than anything, you remember that he’s worth it — worth the mental gymnastics, worth the handwritten letters, worth the waiting ‘til next time.

“Sleep soundly,” you’ll say every night, “and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” TC mark

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  • A.

    I’m crying

    • Guest

      glad im not the only one. its like the author actually knows me. i live 10 hours away from someone i really liked and he stopped talking to me. he lives near an owen street. fml

      • B.

        Omg me too. It was just came to a complete abrupt stop. I really liked him and he just stopped talking one day and it was as though nothing ever happened. fml X 2

      • F

        fmlx3 )”:

  • Helen

    HOW DO YOU REMEDY THIS.

  • Guest

    As someone whose boyfriend lives on literally the opposite side of the country, this article hit home. It’s on point.

  • Retha

    I literally was just thinking about this today….you hit it on the nail!

  • Melissa

    My long-distance boyfriend just broke up with me today. This is difficult to read, but it’s beautiful.

  • http://twitter.com/AliPants Nosilla Remarc (@AliPants)

    I like the last paragraph a lot.

  • http://twitter.com/callme_ralhi raal he (@callme_ralhi)

    Life sucks people.

  • Becky

    If I didn’t already adore you, this would’ve have done the trick! *sigh* I cried a bit…
    Steady on, Mr. Clayton! He’s worth it!

  • http://elizabeers.wordpress.com elizabeers

    I’m right there. Right there.

  • k10

    and sometimes you lose it at a concert, when his favorite band plays his favorite song. you don’t even like that band, but you went because he does.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandonwhumphries Brandon Humphries

    I’ve been here. The sad part is when you start to have the relationship in your head, which makes for a nasty slam of reality when it ends.

    Long distance suuuucks. Especially if there is no set limit on the distance (like “We’ll move in together next year after I get my degree/license/save up enough money”).

  • DC Chica

    Nailed it. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 4 years. Timing, ambitions and education have kept us from being in the same place.

    To most people our commitment seems crazy, but “More than anything, you remember that he’s worth it — worth the mental gymnastics, worth the handwritten letters, worth the waiting ‘til next time.” And I’ll keep waiting as long as I have to.

  • guest.

    dead.

  • guest

    I’m leaving on a trip for 7 weeks soon and I just realized that the person I’m going to miss the most is the guy i’ve been dating for a few months! I haven’t gone more than a few days without talking or seeing him, its crazy! And i can’t even say that I love him, i’m just not sure, but I know that feeling because i can honestly say that i’ve never ever like anybody this much in my life, ever. What a coincidence that this was written right now describing how I’ve been feeling this week leading up to my trip. :( gonna miss him

  • Lauren

    Thank you. I’m missing someone in another country and you put in to words exactly how I’ve felt for the past 5 months.

  • Jo

    So cute.. and So true..

  • M.H. See

    And sometimes you miss him so bad that when you see couples on the street you just want to throw your shoe at them.

  • Lucy

    I was holding it together until the bit about the pretzel. It does tend to be the everyday things like that that hit you all too suddenly, like a punch in the stomach. Beautiful.

  • G

    123

  • Amrita

    So wonderful…thank you for this. Nailed it.

  • http://gravatar.com/beatricekanikatechawatanasuk beatricekanikatechawatanasukicekt

    Lovely. Worth the handwritten letters that you’ve written to him but never passed, a way to handle the throbbing pain etc. You start to imagine too much in your head as your mind wanders into what his hands feel like or how his gaze will be frank yet determined.

  • Sasha Alamo

    the mental gymnastics! exactly! this is awesome.

  • http://borrowingwords.wordpress.com shwnsoh

    i am 26 and have only had 2 relationships (of which are long distance)
    i experienced a “story of my life” moment :/

  • Ed

    Interesting article

  • http://inourwordsblog.com/2012/06/12/when-you-miss-someone-who-lives-in-another-state/ When You Miss Someone Who Lives In Another State « In Our Words

    [...] Note: This piece originally appeared on Thought Catalog and was republished with permission. You can read the original here. [...]

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