What’d You Do Last Weekend? Me? I Got Dumped.

Aug. 6, 2012

By Christopher Hudspeth info

Arizona based writer. Email me at Hudspeth@thoughtcatalog.com or follow on Twitter @CEHudspeth

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I got dumped. This wasn’t the first time, but I like to think it’ll be the last. I have a firm no dating unless marriage is a real possibility rule. So in all likelihood I’ll remain single for a lengthy stretch. Twenty-three is still young, but I don’t want to be that 40-something year old dude at the club, trying to pickup the freshly legalized gals. I know I’m exaggerating and being ludicrous with that worry, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it.

It’s frustrating because I really tried my best with this relationship. I had failed girlfriends in the past, but this one I considered different. I learned from the past (or so I thought), and applied special treatment in areas that I knew needed it. I felt like I worked vigorously to show this young woman love, and I always did minute things to let her know of her importance to me. In her defense, she caught me during the stormiest years of my life — but I’d rather meet my future wife now than when everything is hunky-dory. The concept I always appreciated was someone sticking around, regardless of my often empty bank account, moody tendencies and constant setbacks. I was grateful for her; I was blessed to have her love. That being said, I feel betrayed. I know I shouldn’t, because I can be a handful — but don’t we all have our flaws?

So now I’m reeling, trying to figure out what to do. It’s the early stages of the breakup — you know, the ones we all hate. I removed her from Facebook, Instagram — any social network that will update me on her life. It’s out of fear that my feed will popup with an image of her, hand-in-hand with her new beau — who’ll probably look exactly like Idris Elba. I feel like a d-ck. I’m not trying to be immature, bitter or spiteful – but it really makes it easier to not know what your ex is doing with their day. The wounds are fresh. The lack of knowledge serves as a healing ointment. It helps. At least for me it does.

I’ll lose some confidence from this. When someone you care about no longer reciprocates the love, of course your ego is bruised. I’ll be a little more awkward and anxious around people for a while, until I rebuild that poise and shake the self-consciousness. When we just get out of a relationship, it’s easy to sulk and be miserable, but there is another option. I feel like it’d be easy to sit around and be miserable for a few weeks (or months), but I’m forcing myself not to. I want to be better. As much as I’d appreciate someone to stick with me when things aren’t picture-perfect, I wouldn’t mind whoever I meet in the future to never have to deal with the version of me that’s a complete mess. There’s a sense of motivation. Motivation to never not be enough to keep someone happy again.

As I finish up my self-loathing, rambling, vent session, one thing stands out. I’ve used the word “I” about 30 times so far (not to mention ‘I’m’ and ‘I’ll’.) Maybe that’s my problem? Me, me, me — and not enough about the other person involved. Regardless of the cause of my newfound singleness, it’s too late for fixing, so there’s really no sense in assessing the possibilities… right? At least, I think it’s right.. And now that’s 31 I’s. TC Mark

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  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/08/what%e2%80%99d-you-do-last-weekend-me-i-got-dumped-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment [...]

  • L

    Me too. Let’s go get wine and vent to each other.

    • Kara

      Haha, we should start a club. ;) We’ll be fine.

      • http://www.facebook.com/cherryket7 Ketsia

        Make that an international club please!!! :D

  • sal

    feels like most thought catalog contributors should be governmentally mandated to wear a shirt/ button/ embroidered ballcap at all times that says, “I WILL COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE UPON ITS DEMISE,” at all times.

    • Hiro

      Yeeeeep. Cringe worthy.

    • Asdf

      Why?

  • Jessica

    You’re 23. You’ve got plenty of time and you’re going to be fine.

  • michaelwg

    Happy to hear there will be less 40 year old competition in the club when that day comes. I want to corner the creeper market.

  • Jk

    You will so badly regret writing this article. It sounds like exactly what it is, the ramblings of an angry, spurned guy. It’s so far removed from everything else you normally write. She’s undoubtedly cringing at this article.

    • http://beautythatsurrounds.blogspot.com/ Erica

      Sometimes when I write things, it’s clear who it pertains to, and I get so ashamed that I can’t even REREAD the thing to myself to edit it. But in the end, I feel much better. It is what it is. I write the things for me. He didn’t write this thing for her. He wrote it for himself.

      • Jk

        I never said he wrote it for her, but she’ll still cringe for him when she reads this. Because, let’s face it, she will. And secretly, he hopes it’ll change her mind. But it won’t.

  • Tnpb7d

    I’m so glad you got to the “I” paragraph because it crossed my mind as early as paragraph two!

  • C. W.

    I could have written this, word for word, about myself and my boyfriend; we broke up a month ago, and I feel betrayed that he was not willing to work as hard as I was. Still, he put up with a lot. Time helps so much – hang in there.

    • J.

      Me too. Exact same position. Worse, he said he couldn’t deal because I was trying too hard. Uggggh.

  • http://menarcheintheuk.tumblr.com Liz (@cheezliz)

    Hey, I got dumped two weeks ago! Let’s commiserate together. Just don’t make a numbered list about it.

  • http://Rumblestripq.blogspot.com Doug Hart

    You’ll grow out of all the conditions you place on yourself. The I imagine i”l be this and I am counting on that. My first love was it, and I mean she was it until suddenly she wasn’t. Then if you asked me about number 2 I would have never described what she turned out to be. But I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
    Even we broke up and got back together.

  • Lauren

    I find myself to be in the same boat as you are. However, I have not been dumped recently but I have been single to better myself. Same age as you are you, we are still young. You’ll find that girl one day, hopefully sooner than later.

  • nightshaye

    I usually cringe at “aw it sucks so much” stuff, but you had a sense of responsibility here, in a good way.

  • ALM

    Poorly written. Your last paragraph was redeeming at least.

  • http://www.facebook.com/marilyn.n.luu Marilyn Nguyen Luu

    As I read your entry, I couldn’t help but be shocked with the fact that you are a 23 year old male who actually takes dating seriously. I am 23 years old myself and have yet to meet any guy who wouldn’t run at the sound of “commitment”. I guess I shouldn’t generalize so much, because a lot of my girlfriends don’t know what they want at this age either. Hang in there tiger, you sound like good guy. The next girl who’s capable of actually recognizing that will ultimately be someone who’s deserving of you.

  • Julia J.

    did you mean to post this on livejournal instead

  • JV

    “I’m not trying to be immature, bitter or spiteful” “Maybe that’s my problem? Me, me, me — and not enough about the other person involved.” then the girl probably left “YOU” just in time. What a pitiful article to post should be embarrassed actually.

  • AR

    I disagree with your hesitance about the focus on yourself. You got dumped for a reason, and most likely, it has to do with you and not her. Think about what that reason is, and what you can do to make yourself better for yourself. Think only about yourself and how you can be happy. I think you will find that in turn you can become a better partner and much easier to be with. Just my thoughts.

  • LM

    You look better than Idris to me so Mr. Elba would be a downgrade :). Feel better my friend and join the newly single crew. It’s not as bad after month two!

  • asdfsadfasdf

    As my recently dumped-self sat here reading this, I thought, “Holy shit. This guy = me.” And reading through the comments gave me a nice reality check about how self-centered I was the past 2 years.

    But don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m trying not to be. Go ramble your angry heart out. Reflect on those rambles. Learn from them.

  • Steve

    Why is marriage such a big deal to you? How about having a meaningful relationship instead?

    • Jessica

      For a lot of people, a meaningful relationship and marriage are one and the same. You can’t have one without the other.

      • Ola

        Umm that’s what she’s saying. Why concentrate so badly on marriage when you can’t even make a relationship work??

  • http://chopsticklady.wordpress.com fringster

    I agree. It would be better if you don’t know the whereabouts of the person you love just right after the hurtful break up. Sigh. I’m also thinkin’ of breakin’ up with him. I just don’t know when and how. And yeah, we should have a club. I’m even thinkin’ of making another blog for this!

  • http://laugraeva.wordpress.com laugraeva

    I have the same rule! Otherwise what’s the point?

  • Paulina

    I like this article…it’s refreshing to read such a raw perspective on the post-breakup mess. It’s probably pretty safe to say, too, that most of us have been on both sides of the equation. Good luck with the blues…hopefully, they’ll pass relatively soon. You’re right, life is too short to wallow…cheers!:)

  • http://harrisonwilder.com Harrison Wilder

    Sorry to hear you’re hurting. I love that you’re committed to be proactive about becoming a better person to a future relationship. Here’s a book that helped me learn to focus on others instead of my selfish needs. Many things that I thought were loving are actually selfishness in disguise: Gary Chapman’s the five love languages

  • Ashley

    Reading this it felt like I’d written it myself post break-up a few months ago. I’m 21 and resigning myself to “No dating unless marriage is a serious possibility” also.

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