What Your Internet Browser Says About You
You are over the age of 40. You have to be. You don’t really care about you or your browser’s appearance. You Google “cute cat pictures” and send them to your grandchildren in mass email chains. You’re not really sure what a GIF is, but you love the image of the panda dancing and bookmarked it on your browser so you can watch it from time to time. A member in your senior citizen book club recently discovered StumbleUpon and shared its wonders to you. Now you’re addicted. You have the most diverse web history because 95% of your time on the internet is spent stumbling randomly into various sites and sending the cute and inspirational findings to your various email pen pals. You don’t have a Facebook profile.
Favorite Website: Digg
You go with the flow. This internet browser came preloaded on your Mac, and in all honesty, it’s cool with you. Your home page is still the Apple Store, and you see no reason to really change it up. If you ordered a plain bagel with butter at a diner and they brought you a ham and cheese omelette, you’d probably eat it and have no problem with the mistake. When life throws obstacles and choices your way, you’ll choose the path of least resistance. You post song lyric statuses on Facebook.
Favorite Website: Yahoo!
You like to have things your way. Never satisfied with the status quo, you are weary of becoming too stagnant in life. You also love a good protest. In college, you were the president of the “Students Against Teacher Parking Spots” coalition, leading the fight against premium parking for non-tenured professors. You love a good soapbox, and use your personal blog with a witty URL to share your edgy thoughts. You actively waged a personal war on SOPA, and changed your Facebook profile picture to one of those “Security Through Censorship” images. You post extremely long, polarizing monologues about politics on Facebook.
Favorite Website: Reddit
You are part of the 99%. You use the most popular web browser on the planet, and believe there is power in numbers. You love to feel relevant and as up-to-date as possible. Everything is constantly being upgraded in your life. As soon as your iPhone 4S has an upgrade in the App Store, it has to be downloaded. You have seven different Gmail accounts and comb the internet for the next big social media site. You respect name brands and don’t trust knockoffs. When the new iPad is released, you have no problem camping outside of the Apple Store the night before to get it first. You post links to Mashable, CNN, and The Huffington Post on Facebook.
Favorite Website: Twitter
According to the Opera website, you want loading web pages to be “really snappy.” You are the type of person that responds positively to words like “snappy.” You like the idea of being off the grid. You enjoy cross country-skiing, extreme pogo sticking, and the occasional glacier climbing because all of those activities are extremely isolating and no one else does them. You once took a trip to eastern Utah so you could “get away.” You pitched a tent off I-70 and made pigs in a blanket on your portable propane stove. When searching on the internet, you use DuckDuckGo instead of Google Search to remain free from the stranglehold of Corporate America. You post about how invasive Facebook is on Facebook.
Favorite Website: 4Chan
You are the hippy of internet web browsing. You are a communal thinker and love the idea of a browser that is made by a group of people. You eat exclusively free range food products and always (always!) bring cloth bags to your local food co-op. You long to live in Montana on an expansive, yet humble, plot of land. You love words like “organic,” “nourishment,” and “holistic.” You got rid of your TV in 2006, and enjoy lying on your couch cross-stitching scarves as a mindless pastime. You collect cats and are open to the idea of starting a B&B for feline-friendly couples. You post links to vegan food recipes on Facebook.
Favorite Website: Kickstarter
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i inhaled deeply. your scent, your deodorant, your cologne, even your morning breath. i know these scents so well and the familiarity is comforting.
This video of a puppy watching a scene we’re so familiar with and evoking the same sentiments we once felt is oddly heartwarming, extremely precious and a dash of funny.
You died, and the hope that you would one day love us back the way we loved you died with you.
Weight Watchers likes to say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Which I guess means they’ve never tasted Cinnamon Toast Crunch.