What 20-Something Has Their Dream Job And Dream Relationship?

I’m 23, I have my masters and my dream job that pays extremely well, I have friends, I have a great boyfriend I’ve been with for 5 years. Stop making excuses, its possible to be completely happy. 

thank you for that last paragraph. i am so happy with where my life is right now and how i’ve grown up in the past 5 years. really happy. and my job is awesome. and i LOVE my friends. i have amazing friends. but i haven’t been able to have a great relationship and that sucks. and it sucks even more when people say “YOU need to make yourself  happy”. but you can be happy and still upset that something is missing. so, there.

This is the story of my life right now, so that last paragraph was nice to read. Also, Kylie, congrats on your happiness. For the rest of us – chin up!

suck a fat one, kylie

yeah, except everyone fucking hates you.

how’s that secret eating disorder working out?

stop bragging, moron.  have a little more compassion for those going through something, as you undoubtedly will sometime in your life.

Thank you for this post. I’m sure a lot of people in their twentysomethings are always wondering where and when their jobs/relationships are going to happen. That last paragraph is exactly what people should be thinking about.

Kylie has been with the same person since she was 18, hello snoozefest

Wow, judge much? Consider yourself lucky. I’m 22, have a top-10 undergrad education, amazing job, amazing friends, and no relationship to speak of. People can be perfectly happy with their lives, and pleased with their trajectory, while still hoping for more- some kind of fulfillment that just hasn’t been found yet. Be a little more kind next time you speak.

It is funny how people in their 20s dare to say they understand the concept of happiness while people in their 50s -60s etc. are still trying…

Happy or content? I’m 24, got a job that pays decent yet has nothing to do with my Masters (which in turn has put me about 30K in debt), only just found myself in a really good relationship and while I have friends, I don’t necessarily see them all the time which isn’t always a bad thing. And I’m pretty content.

I don’t think this as the checklist of what’s defined as ‘happiness’ cuz as far I can see, happiness is a work in progress for life. 

Pretty Sure Alexander the Great had both of those things…

Pretty sure Caesar had both those things.

This was SO nice to read. Thank you for writing it!  

I often feel stupid for complaining since I, unlike many, have A job. But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one looking towards when I might get to have it all. 

I majored in art and education (oh, an applicable. college degree….) I got the dream job right out of college.  I decided to move cities and found a second version of the dream job.   I was never searching for love, instead it found me by way of my best friend.  We have long-term goals together. We will be moving overseas in the next few years (since my dream job grants me this flexibility). It’s all about perspective.  It’s not hard or impossible; instead, it is amazing.  I am 27 years old.  GL :)

why is everyone hating on kylie?  because she didn’t answer ryan’s question  (the title of this essay) they way they wanted to? smh..

I’m posting anonymously because I have all three and have never been happier with life :)

“Is it strictly meant for thirtysomethings — a reward for enduring a fun but punishing decade?” Right now at 31 I’m asking myself if it’s something meant for fortysomethings. See, we can do this forever!

0/3.  I’m doing well!

#humblebrag

Ellie, you’re just setting yourself up for disaster.  This is how Lifetime movies always begin…you’re going to be diagnosed in cancer in a month, your plane is going to crash and you’re going to have to resort to cannibalism, or you’re going to discover your man getting a little something with Ryan.  You’ve been forewarned!

“They say the key to finding happiness beyond romance and your professional life is to find happiness within yourself.  But I also think people can be happy with themselves and still get sad
when they aren’t in a nice relationship or have a great job.”  

MY THESIS STATEMENT, by Ryan O’Connell:  anyone is capable of getting sad.

Really groundbreaking piece of work you have here, Ry-guy.  Someone give this guy a Pulitzer!

I finally have my dream relationship. but I do find that my dream career (which is, um, writing for internet blogs since magazines are kind of over) has started to suffer. I’m not a good writer when I’m this happy, and I want to spend all my free time doing romance stuff with my dream boyfriend instead of working on becoming a better writer.

Dude…I don’t think ryan is trying to write a “groundbreaking piece of work.” I enjoy ryan’s writing because he speaks very honestly about things that everyone can relate to and in a way that IS relatable. The simplicity in his writing is what makes it so fantastic.

Isn’t it like, more about the journey, man, rather than the destination?

so easy to hide behind anonymity!

I don’t have my dream job or a dream relationship, but I’m happy as can be… Don’t let exterior parameters determine your happiness…

I’ll remember this, and you, Gregory Costa!

J…My life hasn’t been without the curled-on-the-floor-crying moments.  I was handed some pretty shitty experiences in HS and early college. #whateverhashtagfitsthisstatement

you’re assuming nothing bad happened to her. why?

Daniel Radcliffe. LOL.

But a girlfriend provides effortless sex (and so much more :p).  If Kylie’s happy, then good for her; she deserves 100% to be happy.  In the fall of 2010 when I was going through job recruiting, I didn’t get any offers and was turned down by my dream company to work for.  I was still dating the now ex-gf at the time and was so caught up in getting rejected career wise that I was so stupid to let that bog me down.  Even though she was awesome, I wasn’t ever completely happy with myself because I had no job.  In the April of 2011, I landed my job as a junior in college and felt this sense of accomplishment that I landed my dream job AND I had an awesome girlfriend.  It was the best feeling in the world.  But she broke up with me four months ago and today was the first day of work at the dream job.  I had nobody to call after to say how my day went after I would always call her after my interviews.  I would still trade my dream job away for her in an instant.  Money is just money but I’m a big believe in love and relationships as corny as that may sound.  Money is nothing after I’m dead but what is something is to spend your life with the people you love most.  Thank you Ryan for always writing pieces that reflect exactly what I’m going through.  

and what if someone has no work life (job), no social life (friends), and no significant other/hasn’t been on a date in over six months (forever alone)? I think if you addressed THAT demographic your article would come off less naive.

Not being forgotten means a lot to me.  Thank you. 

I hope this dream does come true for as many people as possible. I wouldn’t say everything in my life is as perfect as it could ever be, but it’s pretty awesome. I have an amazing job that I look forward to going to every day. I love my work and my coworkers. I make great money. I have a wonderful family. I have an almost too busy social life, but it doesn’t get in the way of my ambitions. To top it all off, I’m in a 5.5 year relationship that still feels brand new. My sex life is great. The love and the spark is still there.

Don’t listen to nay sayers. Just try harder. 

Maybe it’s a gay guy thing… (haha)

Honestly, if I see ONE more article with ’20-something’ in the title…

and I’m 24

A lot of these are just socially constructed standards. As they say, do what you love and fuck the rest.

To all of you posting how great your life is, I think I speak for many when I want to ask you to stop.  I prefer my salt on…things…other than wounds.  I’d much prefer hearing how much people’s lives suck so my life seems a little more dreamy.
 Go ahead.  Who has the suckiest life here?  Liberal arts majors, where are you?  You start this off.

Personally, I have ONE more year left. Then I must go on the “Logan’s Run.”

I am a 28 year English major. I quit my job December 1st. I had a decent paying job (which has enabled me to live off some saved money for a few months), but I couldn’t take it anymore. I have one friend whom I put the weight of my world upon, 
no love interest, no work life, no work prospect, I keep waking up around 3pm and I’m insanely irritable if I don’t, and I am deeply introverted.

But know what? I quit smoking 40 days ago. 

So say we all.

Life isn’t done with you yet.

Did I say it was??  Ryan asked a question about 20-somethings, not… forever-somethings.  I know how shitty life can be.  I’m not oblivious like a few commenters might assume.

Some people prefer sugar….maybe it’s good to see that it is possible to achieve some form of what Ryan defines as happiness while in his 20′s.  Even if the first 1, 2, 5, 9 years of the 20-something decade treats you like shit.  

The important issue here is t is really all about perspective.  There are a lot of commenters who have said they have none of the things Ryan mentions but are still happy.  However, I don’t think Ryan was looking for that.  His title asked a pretty specific question.

Congrats on the quitting smoking.  I hope your situation improves. Are you happy, besides the irritableness? Have you considered teaching esl in Asia where there is a plethora of schools interested in native English speakers and our language?

Thanks. The though has crossed my mind. I know people who have done that. I still have some time to weigh my options (not done with school just yet – will be by end of summer ’12).

I LOVE this! The perfect words to describe what I have been agonizing over for months if not years. I’m about to turn twenty five and things seem to have been heading downhill for sometime now. But alas I still have says with a little ray of hope where a small voice tells me it gets better and I have to keep working hard to get there because it doesn’t come free. Things are often sh**ty during these twenty somethings but we can’t feel sorry for ourselves just keep pushing forward. Reading this was awesome thank you author for the blog… I am not a big blogger or social networker myself but I happened upon this and I’m glad I did. Thanks again everyone and for those of you doing wonderfully keep this in mind if you should ever fall.

This piece is so spot on. I feel reassured, though, that I’m not the only unsatisfied twentysomething. Phewf. (Not that I enjoy other people’s suffering…)

As someone who is graduating from college after this year, I am wondering if the rest of my 20s will actually be downhill (or is it uphill?) from here (things have been good so far)…. I’m sort of picturing it as a flat coast. On one hand, I feel like everything in my life will be pretty much exactly the same, except I will pay more bills, meet some more people, have new moments of great joy, and continue to have a new crisis every 6 months. And then I will wake up one day, be 33 and holding my 2 year old child, wonder whose baby it is, and wonder why I am living with someone that I just met one stupid day and how are we in love? Or he is just a random man in my house and I have a random baby?

But then on the other hand when I think about the day-to-day experiences I think they will all feel very singular and big: there will be lots of intense ups and downs. In hindsight it will seem like everything flew by, but in reality it will be like high school with money for grades, bars for cafeterias, and no amount of social media that can compare to the thrills of AIM.

In high school I would think about being in college for 4 years and then becoming a “real person”. In college I just question the reality of this person and think about the rest of my life. And that’s a big fucking chapter!! It’s too big! All of this twentysomething general mayonnaise malaise would go down better if we could have an idea of the chapters ahead –– something more specific than decades. 60 is basically the new 40, 30 is the new 20. 20 is the new 12. I’m fucking 14 years old, bout to be a freshman in a school called LIFE.

Cancer and car accidents were invented for the people striking that fine balance.

Ambition: obsessive worrying about eating and fucking.

I find that, although I am 23 and find myself in the same position as I was six years ago (I moved back in with my parents after college, and hang out with many of the same friends I had in high school,) I have come back a changed person. Okay, well, not entirely– I’m still me– but I no longer think of my at times extremely stressful, frustrating, and sad family life as an inevitably life-ruining situation. I find that I am simply happier here than many of the days I spent living with random roommates whose habits and personalities drove me crazy (at least here it’s people who I love driving me crazy!)

Bottom line is, I am in debt. I do not love my job. I am very detached and have trouble forming intimate relationships with people– But I make it work because I don’t put all of my eggs in one basket. I know myself well, and I know that I need plenty of time and space to myself to achieve happiness or the closest to it. That is the one thing in the world that gives me the most joy, is simply having the time to be. This, to me, is what everyone should strive for– it’s the closest to perfect that I’ve felt.

Hi, your story sounds very inspiring. Common, but inspiring. Also, yes, I’m with Ellie on the gratz for quitting smoking. I know it sounds tough, but at twentysomething, I’m pretty sure time is not of the essence and you’ll find your feet again. And an English major too? I never got that far. I would hope that you’d do things that makes you happy, and you’ll see it’ll all pay off.

Hi its like Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece! You think there is something not really complete with your life so you go rolling around looking for some sort of filler. Really you find the piece, and then what? You’re still not satisfied! This is my fave piece Ryan and have you googled yourself yet? Er….I have….

I LOVE THIS!!

somewhere – ”What will it be for dinner tonight, safe sex or soup? I can only afford one!”

I’m working on my trifecta right now. Just hammering out some of my deep and strange issues with the relationship and it should be all done. Then I can become a fat, dumb idiot.

My boyfriend has an ass like Michelangelo’s David (I win).

You should read a book called “Generation Me” – very interesting and totally supports the idea that our generation will never be satisfied even if we get the trifecta. 

“Liberal art majors, where are you? You start this off.”

Posting in Thought Catalog’s comments.

Well done on quitting smoking. Also, well done on having the courage to leave your job. Now, then, I’m going to take the liberty to tell you *my* favourite Final Fantasy VI character. 
I can assume where your loyalties lie, so I’ll lay mine out as a toss-up between Celes — especially if you off Cid in WoR — or Clyde (nee Shadow). Suppose it depends on where your views fall on being able to move on from the past or dying by it. Either way, tragic characters, those. What’s more: this is not at all off-topic.

I have been unemployed for a year and I am constantly dodging 800 numbers, but I have a good relationship and friends so IDK.  

It’s really easy to say ‘it’s all about perspective’ from, what, the point of view of someone whose life is working out on multiple important fronts.  

I mean, what does that even mean?

One of the many things I like about reading the articles on this site is what it is like to be in your twenties now.  I’m in my mid 40′s and its interesting because once you DO get all those things you’re wondering if you’ll ever get you may then say “is this all there is?”  I was a liberal arts major myself and I think the perpetually wanting more is not limited to a certain decade of your life… it never ends for many people.  You’ll want to find new mountains to climb, etc.  Good luck in your journey and keep up the great writing.  I love reading all of the articles on this site:-)

happiness isn’t dependent on age.

A whole book?!?

The real Carrie Bradshaw replaced “good friendships” from your trifecta with real estate. ;)

“In New York, they say, you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend or
an apartment. So, let’s say you have two out of three and they’re
fabulous. Why do we let the thing we don’t have affect how we feel about
all the things we do have? Why does one minus a plus one feel like it
adds up to zero?”

I have a lot of friends faced with this dilemma as well, but I also have those friends that are like me as well. Happy and content with life.

I’m in my mid 20′s and I’m completely content with what I have. I think it depends on how you look at things in life. Yes, it’s true that the grass is always greener on the other side, but I don’t need what others have to be happy. I’m healthy, have loving caring family and friends, a steady job that brings in six figures and I have a fiance who loves me and getting married soon. It did take me awhile to figure out what I wanted in life, but the key is to be a go getter. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I’m never afraid to make mistakes because that’s when you find out who you are and what your made of. What your likes or dislikes are. You learn from that and you go from there and figure out what you want to do with your life. What makes you happy? I am the type of girl who needs the luxurious things in life, but I can also live in Africa and not have what I have and still be happy. It’s all about the experiences you get in life. I have always lived life with no regrets. I honestly live by this quote ” Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the
people who treat u right & forget the ones that dont & believe
that everything happens for a reason.If u get a chance,take it. If it
changes your life, let it.Nobody said life is easy, they just promised
it would be worth it.”

good luck everyone! whatever your heart desires/wishes for, it’s out there. You just gotta go get it and take risks! xoxo

Has anyone ever heard of Abraham Maslow and his theory of the Needs Hierarchy? The idea is that you have to satisfy each level before truly moving on to the next. As any pyramid you start at the bottom and work your way up in life. I think it’s pretty spot on.
 

I love the way you write, you should catalogue your thoughts.

This made me smile big.

For the most part, I’m happy with my life as it is. I’m 23 and I am in a wonderful relationship with a man I love and am confident I want to spend the rest of my life with (even though there some things that need to be worked out). I have a good job that I can handle (it’s not my ideal job, i.e. owning a bakery), but it pays the bills and allows me to have quite a bit of spending money. I go on lots of adventures and explorations every week and I feel so alive. This has been the best part of my life, even with all its ups and downs.

And to think, less than 6 months ago, my life plan was to get married to a boy (not a man) who was completely wrong for me (and deep down I knew it), quit my job and have 6 or more kids. That life plan may be right for some, but for me it was so wrong and thank goodness I realized it before it was too late. My life is so much better now. I don’t think I’ll make it through my 20s unscathed, but no matter what happens, I’m looking forward to it.

You know, I have neither at the moment. I moved abroad got sick and ended up spending all my money on medical bills. So, I am back at home, working two OK jobs, and getting myself back into school (for a second undergrad degree in something more practical). I didn’t ever think I would be in this situation, but life happens. I thought I would have a great job by now or at least have a great relationship. Still, I have great friends and plenty of love in my life. Plus, I go on adventures. The challenge isn’t getting everything you want. The challenge is learning how to make the best of  situations that won’t always be in your control.

 You know, sometimes things happen to people that are out of their control. They get sick, loved ones pass away, life steps in and does as it feels. Telling people to stop making excuses lacks compassion for people who may be on a different path, perhaps had unforeseeable adversities.

As cliché as this may sound, this is exactly how I feel right now. 22, good job, good friends, no relationship on the foreseeable horizon. Your last paragraph made me feel okay for often feeling upset about that missing link. And I wholeheartedly thank you for that.

I really like what you wrote. But I just turned 30 and I honestly felt that I let my 20s pass me by. I really recommend enjoying your 20s right now before you hit 30 and settle down. I have been told many time – 40s the new 30s. So 20s should be the new 21 everyday. Good luck.

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The world doesn’t owe anyone a great relationship or job, like anything else you have to constantly work at it your entire life or bank on getting lucky. Derp

I’m not sure how you are criticizing kylie because you seemed to say the exact same thing as her

FIDELITY IS BORING

If it makes you feel better, I think 99.99% of people feel like they have wasted their 20s. I know I did because most people always expect themselves to have done better than they did.

so Cheer up!

Your 20′s are meant to be wasted so by the time you get into your 30′s you know what you do (and more importantly, DON’T) want to have going on in your life.

A friend posted this on Facebook and I can’t help but add my opinion. My husband and I are 25/26, he is a helicopter pilot in the Army and I was a teacher, but am now stay at home Mom. After sharing this with him just to see what he thought, he read my mind saying ” tell that blogger they are wrong!” Now I’m not saying that this post seems to sum up a majority of friends my age, but to say that your 20′s can not be completely fulfilling is incorrect. We make decent money, both have dream jobs, are very happily married for almost 3 years now, with an awesome 1.5 year old and our last addition due in a month. There is much more out there than people our age think or see, it’s all about getting off your ass and making the best of what you have got. Not saying it has been an easy ride but it’s definitely possible to have the well rounded happy life we all want. 

Fact I’ve learned: You will never get that dream job and dream life and dream relationship because it is all relative to who and what you’re comparing it to. When you see your parents and you think they have it all, they just learned to love what they have! We always live with this mindset that life has to work out the way we wanted and in the “end” we will get what we dreamed of, when in reality life will never be exactly the way you planned it out to be and we all just have to learn to love what we are given. 

This was a much needed end to a shitty day at work. Thank you 

You hit the nail on the head by saying that we will always be chasing after something. That won’t change in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s until you hit your ideal work-relationships balance, which is difficult to attain if you factor in many events beyond your control such as losing a friend, losing a job, etc. We will probably never have it all together for more than a short period at a time; I’ve learnt to draw contentment, strength, joy, peace and consequently happiness from a source that transcends ever-changing circumstances. My source is an excellent, resourceful God; you might choose to draw from another external, permanent source.

I’m in a similar situation – living at home with my parents after college, still looking for a “real” job and lacking a decent social life, but while I dreaded this situation my entire senior year I’m surprisingly happy.

Always loved your insights Ryan.