What 20-Somethings Want

You make me cry a little.
I say this in a good way. Once again, great job.

Does this count if I am 20?

How do you know what’s in my soul? Always!

This is absolutely fantastic.

Ahhh that whole last paragraph it the best. Ever.

What if all that applies to you and you’re 42? Crap.

made me happy and sad at the same time. why can’t everything just be how we want it?!

This is so so so true. 

Also, you forgot cuddles. We want cuddles.

All I want is you, transcribing my thoughts and making them sound like this.

Thank you, Ryan. I really enjoyed this and it’s v relevant. I feel like I just read what’s in that invisible, inescapable thought-bubble-HEAVY-rain-cloud continuously hovering over all of us in our twenties.

Last two paragraphs = My thoughts exactly. Loved this piece. (:

“for everyone to like you even if you don’t like anyone”

lmfao..this is me

Ryan, always love your pieces. 

get out of my head, dude!

nah, well…stay in there…at least one who understands my thoughts…<3

hell yes :]

Found a typo – missing word.

I must be a late bloomer. 
I didn’t some of these things until I hit 30 :~)Nice article.

I love, love, love reading your articles! I can’t help but laugh (in sadness?) at how much all of this is true for me.

“for everyone to like you even if you don’t like anyone ” – wow that’s me lol

Every time I read one of your articles, I hope against hope that it will be (for once!) a little less masturbatory than the one I read before.  And I am always disappointed.  We get it: you are we and we are you and LIST LIST LIST!  I don’t see how any of it is at all original.  To read one of your “pieces” is to read them all.

I just want a couch even from IKEA and a job. Either I am overqualified or they’re not hiring. And scoring a residency position in the matching program over here (Bolivia) is just as hard as hell.

I want all of this.

RYAN!!!!! When are you going to start Ryancatalog dot com?!?

Jeebus.  I am 39 and still looking for a good portion of that shit.

Yo!  You there in your 20s – ENJOY IT!  It is *not* going to get any easier than this.  Trust my middle aged ass!

Wow. I washed up on this shore and am a little breathless at the lack of scope of “what 20 somethings [apparently] want.” Are you kidding? American 20 Somethings are the most connected, soon-to-be-powerful, privileged, and promising (promised?) demographic, perhaps on the GLOBE. How about something a little beyond “a job . . . sex. . . and flirty text messages?” Jeez. Your elders are swiping your birthright from you as they line their pockets and oil-slick the gulf and you want “to abolish catch-up lunches?” We. Are. Doomed.

i like your writing most times ryan
i don’t even mind things written in second person, i like them generallybut like, NO, not this time
i am in my mid-20s and fuck if i know anyone who can afford IKEA couches
must be nice not to be kind of living in your parents’ cold-ass basement crushed by debt (and yea yea i realize i am lucky)
must be nice to afford a fucking plane ticket, a taxi, a brunch with a friend you don’t care about

there are many people in their 20s and fuck, they are all very very fucking different

life isn’t all IKEA and plane trips and brunches for everyone
this country is shit for a large number of 20-somethings

I AM SORRY I FEEL ANGRY TONIGHT AND I AM TAKING IT OUT ON YOU

I THINK 2012 WILL BE THE YEAR I GET A REAL HAIRCUT IN A SALON

Thought Catalog has clearly gotten too mainstream. Dear commenters who think 20-somethings are spoiled and self-indulgent- we already got the memo. gtfo.

usually what we want is what we don’t have. Sadly everything here is what i want so much

On behalf of 20-somethings outside the USA, wow is it really that bad there?

Are there other 24 year olds who have never been in a relationship? Cause I thought I was the only one.

Wish I could go back to my 20′s and have a redo. Make the most of your life, kiddos!

haha, I thought I was the only one too; this article kind of reassured me I’m not alone.. :P 

The last paragraph sums it up very eloquently. I personally enjoy your writing style, Ryan. It’s very zany. 

Great article Ryan! I definitely agree. 

As an American: yes, it can be.
It depends on a lot of stuff though like what kind of debt you’re in after college, what you study (profitable? hirable?), where you live, whether you owned a home, etc.
But things are bad in general for many young adults.

Hmm. In India, we’ve never really had it very good. I still like this article though.

From a 20-something in the US; I’m assuming you’re straddled by debt because you spent your own way into it. Nobody wants to hear your whining. America is the land of opportunity, and you’re too couped up in your shitty little basement to realize it. Complaining about not being able to afford a plane ticket isn’t going to magically create a charity ticket.

Why don’t you try working for it, like the rest of us.

wow, what a great realization

“it can be”… Go fuck yourself! America doesn’t hold anybody back. You people are so full of shit it’s unbelievable. And yes, I said “you people”, referring to you idiots who think everyone’s out to get them and the world’s holding them back. If you think like a peasant, you’ll live like a peasant.

I’ll remember to work extra hard so I can also afford your welfare checks, you fucking leeches.

there is not one human being who has all of these things, do you need to be reminded that this isn’t a movie?  also, marriage would solve some of these things, that is, if you get married to someone that you love and that also has lots of money..HA HA!

yeah, i spent my way into debt via an education

i have no credit cards to my name

fucking asshole

i work nearly full time at a fucking retail job, you fucking retard

so that people like you can try on 50 different suits and ties

FUCK YOU

oh, i should’ve read further… troll

“America is the land of opportunity”
I’m sorry but those of us who live in industrialized countries that aren’t America would like to have a word with you. You must be extraordinarily lucky, privileged, or dishonest to be able to maintain that kind of naiveté.

I’m an upper middle class white male who accepts his upbringing as lucky privilege but also wants more.  The anger directed here at Ryan seems to come from people who want more than what they have also, and the lesson is probably that no matter how much we have, we always want more.  Including a blog space of our own.  So desperate are we for human contact and validation that we fill out comment boxes in the void of blog space, praying that we aren’t the tree in the forest.  That we matter.  We all need love.  Love comes in many forms.  sometimes it’s pride [self love] and sometimes it”s someone picking us up from the airport.  I liked the article.  I loved it, actually

i didn’t have my first relationship until 25….i thought i was the last person in the world! i promise it will happen, i never thought it would!

Just because you aren’t starving to death doesn’t mean everything’s perfect.  It’s hard to be a young American who worked their ass off to get into a good school, worked their ass off to graduate with little-to-no debt and good grades, still can’t get a normal job and therefore can’t afford to live near and see their parents, pay their bills, or pay all their rent.  My saintly mom and dad can and will support me, but that doesn’t mean I feel no guilt that they have to do so.  I’m a lucky, lucky kid, but all I want is to be able to support myself and maybe start paying my parents back for everything they’ve done for me.

I haven’t been in a relationship and I just turned 25 this week, so yes.

Hear, hear!

you probably should have gone to a more affordable college, hon. or planned ahead and worked on getting scholarships..

wtf. no, it’s not bad. these morons are complaining about having to live in their parents basement and pay back student loans? wow. who gives a fuck. it is the price you pay for going to college and not paying out of your own damn pocket. they could have gone to a more affordable college, i bet.

yup. and everyone wonders why the country went into a damn recession. i wonder what contributed to it. let’s think about it real hard.

Yes, times are tough and all that is sad, but there are people who are in situations way worse than this. The economy has affected everyone, the main difference though is that those with college educations will be able to improve their situations once the economy begins to recover. We forget that some people are trapped in poverty because they have no education and no opportunity regardless.

People who work in retail can still afford an acceptable living given that they live within their means. The other day, I was talking to a friend who works at a coffee shop, he was complaining about how times are tough and how he’s had to move back home, he also showed off his shiny new iPhone. Hmmm…

not being generalized and told what I want…that’s one.

Ryan, just because this is what you’re going through, doesn’t mean we all are…please remember that

i don’t think he gives a fuck about you. he just wants to make money.

maybe something to do with the country starting a(nother) war that’s lasted nearly a decade and cost billions of dollars?

So only those with absolutely nothing are entitled to bitch? Sorry, but I don’t buy that. No matter how much you do or do not have, you’re never going to be happy 24-7. Seriously, people who just say “Well, it could be worse” need to stuff it. It’s hypocritical, because I’m sure you’ve been in bad moods too and, at one point, the world even felt like it was collapsing around you. Sometimes we just need to vent. 

where do you think student loan money come from? the sky?

Check into a therapist, that might help. Or maybe, just maybe, you could get a second job. You wouldn’t be the first to do so. I work 60 hours a week. Thanks for your help with the ties :)

Actually, I’ve had a full-time job since I was 15. I paid for my own college, working my way through it and earning two degrees. Is that what you refer to as “luck”? I work hard, play hard, and have ZERO sympathy for complainers.

You obviously don’t live here, and therefore don’t understand that America IS the land of opportunity. I’m sorry that you weren’t dealt the privilege of growing up here, but keep you ignorant peanut gallery comments to yourself.

No, I know where it comes from thanks.  So you think that student LOANS that get paid back with interest, sent the country into a recession, rather than the cost of a war? Brilliant.

…and I wasn’t suggesting it’s the only “land of opportunity”, that’s just a common phrase in America. Great opportunities are present in many countries of the world.

There’s nothing wrong with people venting, there’s nothing wrong with people soothing their difficulties with the words, “well it could be worse.” But there definitely is something wrong with being caustic and name-calling when making a point.

I realize that I have most of these things. I have a person to pick me up from the airport. She even let’s me sleep overnight when I’m commuting. I moved back home with my mom to help put a sister through school and contribute to her house in tough times. I have a job, health care, and have been on a free vacation a cruise thanks to a best friend where we had dinner parties on the boat. I have several exes that still text me, a place where I get my hair braided, and until Sunday at 34, I sat with my grandmother and talked to her every night. I’m not in a relationship with kids but I can travel, take exciting classes and a trip to see my best friend from high school graduate with a masters.

I didn’t grow up rich. In fact there were days when the only food I had to eat as a child was whatever the kind pizza delivery owner let my mom take home after work. I watch my mother set on fire by my father. I saw people get shot. I was emotionally abused by my stepfather and sexually abused by a neighbor. I have been treated with contempt because of my skin color. I have been embroiled in a horrible racial discrimination suit at my job where people want me to take sides and were willing to resort to cutting my breaks to encourage my prompt decision. I have been in the words of an old negro spiritual biked and scorned. One of my good high school friends bled to death on her father ‘s floor during a hidden pregnancy. I wish I could have one more lunch with her. Despite it all, I’m still blessed and I thank God, because people have it worse. Twentysomethings, a word of wisdom: be thankful. You have no need to be ashamed of your blessings or your pain if you live with gratitude and love. A 34 year old former twenty something.

….a lot of students that get financial aid don’t have the money to pay back the loans when they get out of school..

do you know how many students in the United States are getting student loans from the federal government? also, do you know how many people apply for welfare and get away with it, even though they don’t really need it? A lot of people take advantage and feed off the federal government. the recession wasn’t all about the fucking war.

Ryan if it weren’t for you, I would be a twenty-something who also wanted a writer on thought catalog that could always peg exactly what I was thinking & feeling. Thanks for being honest, ironic, and awesome.

I think this is a great post and nailed exactly how I feel.  I don’t think this was meant to complain about what one has in life, it was just to express feelings and concerns for the future.  All you angry people are taking this way too seriously – we are allowed to express ourselves and have concern even when there are worse off people in the world, which I am sure everyone recognizes.  And it was wonderful, glad I read it.

hm

Love your writing style. Humorous and accurate, especially for the optimists. :)

Loved this post. You totally got it. And it’s nice to know that I’m not the only 24 year old that’s never had a real relationship. Thanks for this! :)

Childish. Immature. Laughable. A mewling journal entry from a generation that, despite its obsession with social saturation, can’t stand its peers or itself. Woe to the man who dismisses his brothers-and-sisters-in-suffering, and then despairs at his own profound loneliness. In his portrait of “stable adulthood,” deeds and character have been replaced by the contents of an L.L. Bean catalog: furniture as a substitute for purpose; safe, predictable sex for self esteem. While the author’s floundering sense of security is pitiable,     perhaps he and his generation should have made more of an effort to nurture their character in college, rather than submersing themselves in a generation-wide hookup culture of chronic self-annihilation.

And you are how old? Im sure when you were 24 you were thinking the same-ish sorts of things.  

STFU Upper middle class white man! llooll

Sorry to debunk your “That’s like… your opinion, man” fit of hip indignation, but I’m 22, and I’m facing the same shit-slippery slope of economic malaise and social atrophy as you. After hearing the same, endless litany of woe and entitlement from my peers as I’ve read in this article, I felt obligated to point the author and his readers in a different direction. Yes, times are tough and the future holds no promise of pleasant prosperity, but we’re young, and we’re Americans. If you don’t believe that we can transcend our situation, either through fierce discipline or honest introspection, then you had best go back to chugging Smirnoff like a jackass and howling at the moon.

loved this. some parts were hilariously true for me, and even the parts that weren’t true were still hilarious.

i love how u always know, but hate how fucking true that all is.

we’re not all in the exact same situation, but one can very much empathize w/ the message.

really enjoyed this, and looking forward to reading more of your work

 I like catching up with old friends. :/

You are my hero.  Thank you for saying this.

I’m 29, male, single, and my parents live overseas. I don’t have friends. I have a C- job (C on a good day).  No one picks me up from the airport. I still think about my one previous relationship that ended 7 years ago, every day. I should either stop relating to “20-something” posts real fast, or realize that the list of things in this article will shrink and expand with time. Life is not a linear progression, or a series of checkpoints through which a person must go. I think it’s a messy composite of relentless disappointment, stabilized by the rare experience of contentment.

So what?

You’re most welcome! A manifesto 22 years in the making. I’m glad to know my words fall on eager ears. Now let’s all go kick some ass.

This whole article is disgustingly stupid. If this actually accurately reflects someone then they sound like a totally self centered, childish, and all together petty person. Seriously. How could someone not know how to build a friendship stronger than wet paper. Well, this would affirm how i feel about my generation. I just always assumed I was wrong. I hope I am wrong.

I LOVE that line at the end of your comment, “not a linear progression…” It pretty much sums up what I’ve been feeling lately and though some might say it’s a pessimistic view, it can definitely feel like that sometmes. Nice thought.

PEOPLE. Sure, perhaps this is not your experience. However, if not, take a deeeeep breath in and just close out of the page. No one wants to read your paragraph on how Ryan, a single imperfect human being (jk Ryan, I do think you’re perfect!) somehow “generalized too much to include my experience.” It’s not his job to represent you. He’s not a politician giving you an update on the state of the union. He’s blogging about HIS experience and that of those he cares about and knows. If you don’t get it, fine! Write your own blog! Get YOUR voice out there! Don’t sit around and bitch on other people’s blogs about how they don’t understand you.

Ryan, I love this. I do want all these things. You’re marvy and your voice is a beautiful representation of you and I can identify with it. That’s all I could ask. Just keep on being you!

Some iteration of this comment needs to be posted in response to every diary entry on this site. 

Your last sentence is spot on.  Most people go through life putting on a front of happiness in public because they want to be seen as happy.  When in reality most people rarely are.

Perhaps you should question why your life has to be that way. There are happy people out there – not happy-for-a-moment-in-the-abyss people, but genuinely-most-days-happy people. Someone in the world is doing something right where we are not, and I still believe it can be learned if you’re willing to actively seek it out in the right places.

“…if you ever felt lonely and needed to just sleep in a home that felt warm and loved” –> I teared up.

And now I’m really curious about you!  Are you reading my diary or stalking me somehow? I hate saying things that are cliché. But this sounds so much like what have been going on my mind all these days. Does this mean that I should feel secured because there’s definitely someone out there who are equally crazy or even crazier than me?? Even small details like “never getting too drunk and vomit on taxi drivers”. I have never got too wasted basically because I kinda have high tolerance and I do stop when needed.  And everything else is just so true it feels like talking with my inner self!   This is scary!

 Hi, I understand what you are talking about here and I am currently pushing through this with “fierce discipline” and all. But I think everyone is allowed to have their moments and to express their desires, wants and needs. It’s alright to admit that you want something and it can be hard to get it sometimes. I don’t know what voice you read this in but to me, this article is definitely not about whining. Despite the emotional way it was written in, it’s about what we want, something like a goal, I guess.

“Submersing themselves in a generation-wide hookup culture of self-annihilation.” Wow. That’s a lot of reeeeal bitter talk there champ. Maybe you’d feel a bit differently if you had a little more skin in the game? Try being less insensitive, oh, and maybe a shitload less pretentious and some cool girls might actually WANT to hook-up with you. Trust me, self-annihilation feels great.
You feel “obligated” to point us in the direction of a person who guides others via mockery and meanness? “Childish. Immature. Laughable.” I might ask you to taste a bit of your own medicine and chug a little Smirnoff yourself, but honestly? I doubt you’re old enough. Perhaps you think that cruelty is a proper mode of adult communication, but by reading your words here I have trouble believing you’re 22. You seem 7. Especially since you refer to Ryan with a “he and his generation.” Oh, you mean US? 

Thanks for this. I dream of some of these things too. I think certainty is the biggest dream but it is also the biggest myth. The commenter that suggested character development were very important is quite right but I don’t dismiss this article because it really is heartfelt and echoes what many of us desire. Certainly it takes a lot of character, a lot of persistence, a lot of patience, a lot of work, and a little luck to find it, but I also think that stability and certainty are different for each person… a state of mind perhaps. Pardon my ramble! Thanks again for this honest and empathetic piece.

You last line is so right. I say once in a while that life is a series of heartbreaks strung together by something positive. Contentment seems to be the perfect word.