Watch This Video (It Hurts)
This video is painful to watch; it’s strange how watching it actually seems to physically hurt. It happens in your eyes but reverberates all through your brain, like it was happening to your own body. That, of course, is the appeal of television and videos: Vicarious living. You can feel things without actually living them. So watch this compilation of “fails” if you want to feel hurt.
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Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
I was 24 and, while not gay, ever since college I had been getting more attention from gay men than from heterosexual women.