Things You Need In Order To Stay Happy

best article I’ve seen on Thought catalog so far.

This is good except the internet is definitely better than real life.

Ryan, you forgot standards

ryan, you’re definitely my fave writer here!

Love this.

I love you ryan. haha

This has been one of the better pieces you’ve written lately, Ryan. Keep on keepin’ on :)

This is absolutely one of your best. Just read this aloud to a friend, this is really an article that leaves the internet and becomes something to share IRL. Thank you. 

I like this piece ^^

But I have a question: What constitutes a healthy amount of sex?

To the point that you’re not burning flesh from too much friction. 

Ryan, I thought I had you pegged. I was positive I could recognize your distinctive writing style, the use of the second person, etc etc.

And now there’s this. WOW. 

I was happy just reading it. Good job! 

why is getting stoned on a Tuesday a little forbidden?

you sir, are a machine.

On point. You are always so much fun to read

On point. Always so good to read your writing.

“I don’t know about you guys but when I find a new song to obsess
over, I’m like pretty set for the next three days. I don’t need a flirty
text message, a delicious meal, or an amazing night out. I’m pretty
much set with my New Favorite Song.”

yay. this is Me!

So many truths to this. I was nodding my head along in agreement the whole time. Thank you for sharing!

”
I don’t need a flirty text message, a delicious meal, or an amazing night out. I’m pretty much set with my New Favorite Song. ”

Oh Ryan O’Connell, you got it made.

RYAN YOU’RE THE F_ING GREATEST. you are the voice of our souls.

Ryan you’re awesome. I just got out of a relationship and your articles have really helped keep me sane. 

This is a great reminder – and somehow I feel less insane after reading it which is always a plus. Thanks Ryan. :) 

Apparently-unpopular opinion: I absolutely loved Eat, Pray, Love.

This article made me feel happy. :) Great article as always Ryan! :)

I absolutely loved it too. But I can understand it’s not for everyone. Nothing is though! 

”
 In fact, it seems like the more damaged someone is, the more likely they are going to be in a relationship. ” This is the truth I’m still having difficulty coming to terms with. Thank you Ryan. 

First of all, Eat Pray Love is wonderful, so don’t go knocking it. I can give an intellectual defense of it if you’d like. Second of all, you may know lots of people who aren’t self-confident but who are in relationships, but that doesn’t mean that’s the right place to be in. You may be tempted to use a relationship as a co-dependent crutch or a cast that will hold your splintered self until you get your emotional bone structure back. Don’t. Love yourself with compassion and endless forgiveness, and that will teach you to love someone else the same way.

I love Stress. I ALWAYYYYSS love stress. the pressure always bring out of me things i can never go for on my own. - 

”
You need someone in your life who excites you, makes you nervous, and forces you to question what you think you already know.”

“Oh, and you need to have a healthy amount of sex. Always.”

As someone just trying to find new meaning of my life after spending too much of it in unrequited love, I just wanted to say “fuck you!”

Hahaha, I like the bit about damaged goods always the first to be tied down (or up, depending on said damages). I suppose someone has to be a rock to tie these crazy balloon people to before World War Z is engaged. Keep it up!

The internet is like fiction, a fictional experience. Real life experiences are still better but the internet provides unlimited experiences whilst real life has annoyingly realistic limitations

My friends and I go to a trivia tournament every Tuesday night, have a few beers and pretend to be serious contenders. It’s the highlight of my week, and the twinge of mid-week-outing guilt makes it all the more fun! Thanks for a piece that celebrates the good we can find in the world! 

Not really connected to the topic, but still: Ryan, go read Gabe Delahaye’s takedown of the film Eat, Pray,Love,  on Videogum, It’s prett fantastic and hilarious:) Also agree with a lot of what you say here.

I feel like you can answer all of life’s questions, like an ancient sage or something – and I really do mean that!

this is fantastic. a road map for all lost, confused, possibly misguided 20-somethings. and it’s not things that we’re saying “i NEVER thought of that before!!” ..but it’s those little things we might have forgotten in the midst of trying to navigate our lives. this was terrific. thank you so much.

I always thought it to be a bit irritating when I hear the saying “love yourself before you love someone else.” Thank you so much for clarifying my own frustrations with this common theme in relationships!!

JB

Yeah, there’s nothing in this article I can disagree with or make fun of, so I’ll just say great job!

You’re good.You’re excellent! :)

holy shit. thank you for validating what i’ve believed for years – people who are more damaged, fucked, and baggage-ridden are way more likely to be in relationships. WHAT THE FUCK. cool. great.
sometimes i consider creating some unnecessary shit in my life just to test the theory.

You forgot absurdity.  nArF!

this is why wine wednesday exists for me. 

“We want someone who’s challenging, who we can’t figure out, and can tell us that we’re full of crap. ”  – absolutely. 

“So love yourself just for the sake of doing it, for being able to look in the mirror without wincing and to take yourself out to the movies and lunch and think you’re great company. Do it in order to stay happy.”
i found myself going “awwwwww!” at this. it’s so true!  i have often found myself being alone and thinking “shit, i forgot how good it felt to just be by myself”. stuff like that makes you happy.

Everyone tries their hand at the “how to be happy” piece, but this one really nails it. Nice work!

i soo love this! and i love you Ryan O’ Conell!!  you never fail to amaze me..

Ryan you’re my fav writter here in TC! ♥

this is my fave article by far :) I can relate to it, especially the 4th paragraph.  When I was still in college, I always tell myself I can’t wait to graduate so that I can finally experience a stress-free life. I’ve graduated from college last October, the first few weeks was fun. But then doing nothing here at home makes me feel useless. Been looking for a job for months now, hopefully I get a job ASAP 

Are you saying people who don’t love themselves “with compassion and endless forgiveness” should not fall in love? Or are you suggesting they are incapable of falling in love in the first place? Not everyone who is in love yet lacks self-confidence is using their relationship “as a co-dependent crutch or a cast that will hold [their] splintered self until [they] get [their] emotional bone structure back”.

Not everyone with a “splintered self” can even be put back together. Should they live the rest of their days alone?

This is exactly why I hate this kind of advice. It sounds good, it sounds like it should be true – until you actually think about it. Some people will never be able to “love” themselves. I don’t even like the phrase “love yourself”. “Accept yourself” is more appropriate, and makes more sense. I’m suspicious of those who love themselves. That’s narcissism.

Most importantly – and my biggest objection to the whole “love yourself before anyone else” – is that sometimes falling in love, and having that love returned, is the most effective way to help someone accept his- or herself and build their self-confidence. It is possible to be in a loving relationship and build your self-confidence while avoiding codependency.

Sometimes, a hug and a kiss can accomplish more than years of therapy ever could.

That “love yourself first” bullshit can be bloody dangerous. A person hears that, doubts their self-confidence & self-love, and avoids intimate relationships because they think they’re not ready – or, worse, not worthy.

I’m not saying a lack of self-confidence in a relationship can’t be dangerous. That’s beside the point.
ALL relationships are dangerous.

That’s life.

Being told to wait until you achieve some bullshit mystical peak of self-love and happiness before getting into a relationship? No thanks!

“Eat, Pray, Love” can suck it.

Love whom you want, when you want.

PS: “Endless forgiveness”? So, what, cheating is acceptable? How can you love yourself while “endlessly forgiving” your partner’s infidelities?

Empty words. Meaningless.

This is a beautiful & brilliant article. Well done.

Along with needing stress, similar to how free time is more enjoyable the less you have of it, the best things in life can only be appreciated if you have the bad to compare them to.

Keep up the lovely work, Ryan.

Your writing seems to clash terribly here. 

“You need someone in your life who excites you, makes you nervous, and
forces you to question what you think you already know. These usually
come in the form of a crush or a relationship.”

And

“In fact, it seems like the more damaged someone is, the more likely they are going to be in a relationship.”

that last paragraph was GOLD. i recently had a discussion with my roommates about relationships, and they believe the whole “love yourself first” thing. Loving yourself 24/7 is nice, but it’s not practical/attainable

I think one of the main reasons why people are unhappy is that they do not really like or love themselves enough. However, I wish I knew happiness.

funny definitely it very exciting condition cause of having great things which make your self  more happier is what we all need.