6 Amazing Songs That Are DEFINITELY About Orgasms
Studies show that Americans are a very horny people, and we want our music to reflect exactly that. In 2009 — forever ago, right? — about 92% of the songs that got into the Billboard top 100 made references to genitalia, sex, cheating, and other “reproductive messages.” Surprise! But is anybody really shocked about that? Listen, people want to get laid. The music industry knows this, and that’s why some of the most memorable songs constantly remind us how awesome sex feels. Here are 6 super awesome songs that are absolutely about orgasms. See if you can withstand giggling at the sexually explicit content.
Cyndi Lauper, “She Bop,” 1984
Somebody give this girl a vibrator, quick! This song has a feminist touch to it because Lauper is all, Hey, women get horny too! Women look at porn and masturbate even if people are constantly telling us it’s bad for us and that we’ll go blind if we keep touching ourselves. Yeah, right. Let this betch bop her mouse, please.
Donna Summer, “Could It Be Magic,” 1976
The scariest part about having sex with somebody brand new is when you have to hear their “O” sound for the first time or, even worse, are directly confronted with an ugly “O” face. How will they sound when they orgasm? Is it a light moan? Is shaking involved? Do the toes curl and the legs vibrate? When he shoots is he going to say something positive and uplifting, like “You Fucking Bitch! You Fucking Whore!“? On “Could It Be Magic,” disco queen Donna Summer leaves no mystery behind her orgasmic sounds. See also “Love to Love You Baby,” which was apparently recorded in the dark with Summer laid out on the studio floor so she could create a mood and get those moans out.
Prince, “Cream,” 1991
How could a list about orgasm songs not include The Purple One. Who knew that moaning could literally be music to our ears. Cream, cream — right there. He’s not asking — he’s telling.
Led Zeppelin, “The Lemon Song,” 1969
Did anybody else notice that this song came out in ’69? That’s right, squeeze him until all the juice is out. Squeeze him like a lemon. Seems kind of uncomfortable if you ask me. One thing’s for sure — just don’t get any of that juice in your eyes. It burns. A LOT — take it from a gay.
Peaches, “Sex (I’m),” 2000
Has Peaches ever written a song that WASN’T about orgasms? There aren’t any “O” sounds or anything, but it’s an awesome song anyway. Be sure to blast it loud the next time you’re driving through a nice, quiet subdivision.
Grace Jones, “Pull Up To The Bumper,” 1981
This one’s tricky, because at first listen it just sounds like a groovy song with a bit of funk. Personally, I almost never listen to song lyrics, I’m listening to all the stuff underneath. But holy shit this song is about doing it! Grace Jones wants you to take that big machine and pull up to her bumper, hunty. Race it, straighten it, let her lubricate it. And to think, I’ve been innocently singing this one for years. Get into this bumper, baby.
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You had perfect almond eyes that were colored dark chocolate.
It was excruciating. I was so bored. All we did was hold the throttle and sit there. All the coffee in the world couldn’t have kept me aware and upbeat. I stared at my odometer. Miles passed so slowly while time raced on.
He holds my hand in his lap, looks me directly into the eyes and says, “I love you more than the amount of sperm a blue robin makes.”