The Non-Chronological (Or Any Sort Of Logical) History Of Mankind
Do they believe in democracy?
- “Only if you are white, land-owning, and have a penis”: The Greek Empire/ U.S.A. 1865
- “No, make them”: U.S.A, since McCarthy.
- “Yes and we need that freedom to prosper”: Majority of African people, last 150 years
- “No but we do need some foreign-aid money”: African leaders, for last 150 years
- “Perhaps, too bad the king doesn’t”: Medieval
Does he trust the scientific method over religious doctrine?
- “Not necessarily, just stating the facts”: Darwin
- “Um, they are the same thing”: The Greek Empire
- “Yes, don’t you?”: Match
- “No”: ChristianMingle
- “We’re not sure, let’s just lock him up until he dies”: Galileo
- “One doesn’t believe science, imbecile”: Dawkins
- “Uh, they are the same thing”: Tom Cruise
Does he fuck men?
- “Tie him to the stake and burn him”: Most of history, much of the world today
- “Yes, but only if it is to thank him for intellectual stimulation because we haven’t yet medicalized sexuality enough to believe there is any great difference between the many sorts of physical romance”: The Greek Empire
- “Yes, give him a TV show”: U.S.A, about 8 years ago
- “Yeah but he is too afraid to tell anyone”: SNAFU
Do you like music?
- “Um, you mean poetry?”: The Greek Empire
- “Yay”: Elizabethan
- “Yeah”: Today
- “Probably”: Future
- “Totally”: 1960s
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The way I see it, every object you own is connected to you by a string like the house in ‘Up,’ and each string is tied to a fishhook embedded in your abdomen.
That’s right. I also drive a Ford Aerostar with no windows. It’s practical.
6. Get Blackout
I’ll rest there for as long as you’ll let me, for as long as I can.