The Most Perfect Legally Binding Facebook Status Update To Protect Your Facebook Status Updates From Being Stolen By Facebook
Being that everything I post on Facebook was not ALWAYS posted in sound mind and disposition, I heretofore claim that all the material on my Facebook wall will remain in ownership unto me, and will not belong to Facebook, YouTube, Google, uh, Instagram, Pinterest, and anything else that I have may have forgotten, NOR any of their subsidiaries, if they have any of those.
Now that I have heretofore laid out, I want to especially stick a special fat Privacy notice, heretofore referred to as “Double Secret Whammy Privacy Stamp” on any pictures of me chugging beverages which may or may not have alcohol in them, or using or being around any illegal drugs including but not necessarily entailing marijuana, cocaine, or any other illicit materials heretofore referred to as “stuff potential bosses would frown upon, probably, if I ever got a job.”
This notice does NOT take into consideration that by using Facebook, which is a free service, “The Guy Who Wrote This” is accepting their terms and conditions. That would be logical under the law, which this lawyerly notice is not interested in. Instead, this random Facebook post will presume to stand above the law, and ignore the fact that if I really wanted to protect my privacy I would just delete my Facebook account.
This lawyerly notice heretofore refuses to address the hypocrisy of using a company’s product and then perpetually complaining about said product. This notice also refuses to acknowledge the argument that using Facebook 10 hours a day and complaining about it for eight of them is akin to washing your hair every day with bleach and then screaming how mad you are that your hair is yellow-green and falling out in patches.
Vis a vis, heretofore this privacy notice is binding law, and by generating up to four “Likes” on this post, will enter into a binding legal judgment re: the Goldstein-Lebow Ruling of 1982. Adjudged, viewed, and bonded by a court-ordered viewer of all Facebook material, heretofore signed on this day, the twenty-sixth of November, the year of our lord two thousand and twelve.
You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.
A | A | A
Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
I was 24 and, while not gay, ever since college I had been getting more attention from gay men than from heterosexual women.