The Case For Former Fat Girls

While, as a young woman, I appreciate the sentiment of this: “ a woman of any size digging into a bacon cheeseburger, that’s god damn hot.”

…I must argue that there are numerous images on the internet which would surely change your mind, if not haunt you for the rest of your days. I regrettably conducted a Google Image search on the matter, and I will spare you the results.

I don’t get what’s so hot about people eating fast food. It’s NOT hot, get the hell over it. It’s just an excuse. Eating a kind of food is way out of the categories by which we should judge something as “hot or not.” It doesn’t have to do with anything. It’s not the type of food, it’s the manner one eats it that can be said “hot or not.” Licking fingers is hot, but devouring a double hamburger is hardly hot. Paying attention while eating is hot (for me). I am infinitely amazed how and why some people would say that “digging into a bacon cheeseburger is hot.” So why is that? So everyone’s hot then, cause everyone eats cheeseburgers? Or the person in question has some trauma with a “skinny” girl that wasn’t so keen on burgers and now tries to alleviate this by dating avid burger eaters? I don’t get it.

Sincerely,
A guy

P.S. And no, fat is not hot. A fat guy is not hot either, right, women?

Yeeeeah, that’s kind of the point I was trying to make – that it most certainly is not hot, particularly if you imagine a morbidly obese woman “digging in” to a cheeseburger (obese people of any gender “digging in” to anything makes me start to dry-heave). Maybe I was being too subtle.

That, you were. To be frank, being overweight is not healthy. I have been slightly overweight, I hated the feeling: it required extra effort getting out of bed and having a glass of water. I was getting tired faster, and so on. It doesn’t do any good in the long run. I have nothing against loving yourself – it is definitely the first step in accepting yourself as you are – both body and mind. But if  one actually likes not taking responsibility for their health and looks… Then no one can help them. Nor any one should. But frequent consolation about a genuinely troublesome situation won’t help. And I’ll just say this – if you have a guy that likes you and loves you despite your “perceived shortcomings” – appreciate that guy. Don’t make it harder on him by getting even more overweight or something. Cause he’s seeing (physically) “hotter” opportunities passing him by every day, and all you do is getting comfier and comfier in your comfort zone and take his love for granted… That won’t last forever. Men are visual creatures in a large part. Women too, if they weren’t, they won’t be putting all this “fat is hot” crap under our noses and compete with other women. It is defense mechanisms and double standards at best.

Peace out and apologies to anyone if I sound offensive, but I didn’t intend to, so, yeah.

If a guy wanted to leave me for a “physically hotter opportunity” because I gained weight, then I don’t want to be with him. This entire comment is a mess. Good luck to whoever you date.

Huh, look here. A “physically hotter opportunity” does not exclude “a more wonderful person.” It is a misconception that “hotter girls” have these awful personalities, Annie. But tell me: do you want a fat guy with a good personality? Or a good looking guy with the same personality? Or a good looking guy with an awesome personality? Which one would you choose?

There’s no way you can judge a personality based on looks. But you can compare looks, and yes, you can compare personalities too. I imagine, if you met a great looking guy with a great personality, you’d start liking him pretty soon and start thinking about dumping your boyfriend. But in a woman’s case, that is so so allowed… But if a man starts thinking that way, you all women jump on the “oh no he likes sluts and doesn’t appreciate my personality” bandwagon. That’s hardly fair or realistic.

No one is perfect. But we like some combinations more than others. Being with someone just for the looks (minus personality) or just for the personality (minus looks) ain’t gonna cut it. Both are necessary. And please go like a guy that dissatisfies you physically and stick with him for the rest of your life just because he has an adorable personality. (Or the vice versa, he being a hot jerk). Tell us how it goes. And how long it lasts. :)

“I imagine, if you met a great looking guy with a great personality , you’d start liking him pretty soon and start thinking about dumping your boyfriend” really? Are you serious? You must’ve known some real fickle assholes.

Look, we all know how relationships are. How wonderful, yet how draining at times. You have a fight, your characters diverge, you get back together, you fight again… This is draining. And yes people are surrounded by POSSIBLE opportunities (and sometimes definite opportunities) while trying not to fall apart with their partner. It’s not being fickle, it’s being realistic. As soon as relationships start to suck, people either try to fix things (and change themselves) OR they look for ways to jump ship and change their partners. Or just be alone for a time.This: ”I imagine, if you met a great looking guy with a great personality , you’d start liking him pretty soon and start thinking about dumping your boyfriend” works in every case EXCEPT in a perfect relationship where no one deals with bullshit. Or a very committed and loving one. As for the others? Oh people are tempted all the time. Not to mention people hitting on one of the partners… Sheesh. Etc.

An endless cycle of fighting, breaking up and reconciling is not a relationship, it’s co dependent bullshit. Please don’t mistake these people for those who are in actual stable relationships.  Jumping from partner to partner when things get tough is entirely fickle and demonstrate that these people lack the maturity to deal with being with someone. In which case, they shouldn’t be and shouldn’t hide behind the “but he/she got fat!” excuse.  I am fully aware that people are always tempted, oh wise one, but to act on these temptations based purely on the fact that your partner may have gained weight or whatever, shows a distinct lack of character and isn’t the kind of person worth being with anyway. Surely this idea also applies to the ageing process? When your partner starts to go grey or show signs of wrinkles, it’s time to pack up and move on right? Because they should use more hair dye and anti wrinkle cream damn them! I’m glad that these people,  whoever they are, are so assured of their own physical perfection.  I’m sure that you can appreciate that physical attraction is subjective and that therefore your idea of physical perfection is no doubt drastically different to what I, and millions of other people do. You only have to look amongst friendship groups to witness the diversity in attraction. If you asked my friends who their perfect mate (based purely on looks) would be, they would pick people I wouldn’t even look at, whereas they would think that I’m ten kinds of crazy for who I would pick.  So, when you say that someone better may come along, “better” subjective. Maybe the new “perfect” person isn’t better than the previous jilted partner.  It’s ridiculous to attribute people leaving relationships to something like this, the simple explanation is boredom and “grass is always greener” syndrome.  When, in fact, it usually isn’t. I imagine the  people who act in such a way as you describe end up very miserable and bitter indeed.  Peace x

Grammar errors attribute to iPhone with a mind of its own. Apologies.

It’s an unfortunate double-bind for women most of the time.  You only win if you can stay skinny while eating whatever the fuck you want.  If you have to try to stay thin, it’s unattractive.  

I’m not blaming. I have zero self esteem because of it, which has fed directly in to everything else. It’s a constant battle against how small and insignificant, and unworthy I’ve been told I am and have subsequently come to believe; you hear something enough, and like it or not it starts to stick. I only felt I had to mention it because people misinterpret depression and eating disorders due to poor and damaging media coverage.

You see, I too have suffered from depression and low self-esteem, but I’m not overweight, never were in fact. It’s all in the mind, and yeah, block all those self-defeating thoughts. You can’t stop people saying cr*p (well, sometimes you can), but take that power back. People are judgmental creatures, and under all that “you’re not worthy” lies a hidden message that goes something like this “hey, you are a worthy person, but I have no doubts that you could make it better for yourself”.

Similar, I get frequently ired about people taking issue with me smoking, but at the same time I realize they mean me no harm – under their reproach there’s a hidden message saying “hey chum, what you do harms you, and you should know it.”It is important to realize that most of the reservoirs of our low self-esteem are contained eep within us. People just give us the prompt to revisit those feelings. And give us the choice too: continue how we think about ourselves, or challenge the way we think about ourselves (and what we do with ourselves). The urge to identify ourselves with the negative side of the coin is strong though, and more often than not we resort to that by doing exactly what we were: smoking even more cigarettes, eating more unhealthy food and so on.Apologies if I come across as overly patronizing.

Last sentence: you do. What makes you think you have the golden key to dismantling somebody else’s problems? No one on the internet wants your solutions.

I didn’t say I have “the golden key.” I merely share my experience on these matters. And as far as I know, there are no laws prohibiting anyone for being “patronizing.” At least I apologize for it and take it into account, Goldglass. Most people don’t and act as douchebags. And, well, huh… a doctor would say the same things. But you won’t be accusing a doctor of being patronizing just because he insists on you eating healthily, right?

Cool off. But thanks for the comment. It is patronizing towards me though, and I appreciate it. ;)

Chill out. Someone is just trying to give advice, troll.

I’m fat, not even chubby, but FAT. I love my body. I love the ways my body fit into clothes, and the way my body has gotten me through every day of my life. I get laid, I go out dancing, I get hit on. There’s no “skinny girl inside of me” either. How I treat my body, and how other perceive it is entirely my and their business. 

 I think I love you, Laura! You go girl!

So if I made fat jokes around you, you wouldn’t get offended and we’d all have a good laugh? :) Jokes aside, that’s good to hear… no, awesome to hear. :D

not being okay with fat jokes =/= being comfortable with being fat

cool, you have one response to everyone, huh? Thanks for taking the time to tell me to “get over it” (the ultimate cop-out argument). anyway, there is no humor in this. it’s not funny, it’s offensive. And may I say– you, a man, really have no place to judge it anyway. It has nothing to do with you and you will never understand what women experience and how it feels to be constantly downtrodden by not only men, but by self-hating members of our own gender as well.  I see nothing in the article that states it’s a story about one woman. Every sentence refers to the “FFG” as a TYPE of person, not one singular person. it’s a generalization and you are wholly ignorant if you can’t see that. 

 Um, I’m a woman and a FFG and I liked this article, I didn’t find it offensive, but humorous and kind of true.  And so what if it’s a generalization, what isn’t knowadays?  She obviously succeeded in stirring emotion and getting a discussion going which is the purpose of these things, no?