So The Mormon Church Likes Gay People Now, If You Can Stand A Life Of Blue Balls
Known for making anti-gay remarks like erotic feelings toward a person of the same sex are irregular and that any sexual behavior of that nature is sinful, yesterday the LDS Church flipped the script and launched a new website, www.mormonsandgays.org. The site is a bold attempt by the Mormon Church to create dialogue within the Mormon community about same-sex attraction. We should love our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, the Church tells us. And it’s the truth, because without us there will be no one left to do anybody’s make up or to direct the Church choir.
But there’s a small catch. Even though this is a nudge towards acceptance, and it’s significance should not be overlooked, it’s still kind of a slap in the face. The Church wants its members to talk to and love people “who are dealing with the effects of same-sex attraction.” But like, it’s not an effect — it’s that dudes/chicks are fucking HOT, especially Mormon boys. Can we talk about that?
Here’s the Church’s new stance on gay people:
The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.
I have to hand it to them, it’s a pretty smart play on words. With all this ex-gay “corrective” “therapy” going around and the rightfully harsh criticism it has received from nearly everyone, the Mormon Church goes, But actually, being gay might not be a choice HOWEVER if you act on it, that’s a choice and you will burn in hell. HAHA!! GOTCHA!!!
According to Mormon principles, sex is only to be had between a married man and a married woman, and this is the teensy loophole that allows the Church to “accept” its gay members. Honey, if you can’t accept us with a dick in our ass, you don’t really like us! This “acceptance” is still a denial, a denial of one of the most basic facts of human existence. If you think about it, it’s kind of like saying, You queens can come over for dinner, but wear a chastity belt and just don’t sit on any of the furniture.
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What I said: “Oh yeah! I’m sorry I’m just really out of it. What’s your name again?”
What I meant: “I’ve never met you before and you just want pity in the face of tragedy.”
Fast & Furious 6 is incredible. I’m not even lying. Definitely go see it.
And I am not interested in torturing myself with questions of “What if he meets someone else?” I’m sure you will. And maybe you’ll manage to fool her for even longer than you did me.
You have to start thinking she’s average.