Let’s Be Our Best Selves

Jul. 12, 2012

By Jana Eleanor info

She lives in Boston and spends a lot of time watching Parks and Recreation and recounting past embarrassments. She's ...

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One Saturday morning last year, I found myself crying on the bus. I was hellaciously hungover and late to meet a friend for brunch, and I looked down at my hand and noticed that the ring I wear everyday — a gift from my best friends in college — was missing. I knew I must have left it at the apartment where I’d spent the night, the apartment of a guy who I didn’t much like or respect but who I’d gone home with because I was lonely.

I rested my head against the bus window and let the tears stream down my face under my sunglasses. How did I end up in this situation? What was I making of my life?

Here it is: we are in our twenties. This has been discussed. Our stage of life is talked about daily, it is fretted over, it is palpable in all of our actions and emotions. Who are we? What’s the real purpose, the true passion, the right place? When will we find the person who completes us and the job that fulfills us and the apartment with the perfect reading nook?

Who knows? These aren’t questions we can answer right now. This decade of our lives is one with unique difficulties and doubt, but we already know that.

Let’s put it aside. We are alive! We may not have accumulated a lot of money (by this I mean: I have accumulated no money), and we may not be finding the things we thought we were looking for. But we are not without choices. We can be active agents in the climb towards our futures.

Let’s be the best we can. Let’s work hard. Let’s work hard at the jobs that pay us, and then let’s go home and work hard at the things that make us feel excited and alive. Let’s not give those things up. Let’s support ourselves financially, move out of our parents’ basements when we’re able, and get running toward our passions.

But not just that. Let’s be good to ourselves. Let’s realize that we’re aging (yes, aging all the time) and make choices that acknowledge our ascent. Let’s stop getting totally wasted. Let’s hold on to the fun we’ve gotten so good at having, but adjust it accordingly. Let’s treat our bodies like entities that require proper nutrition and rest. Let’s preserve them so that they can accompany us on the journey ahead.

And, let’s be good to each other. In college, friendships were easier to come by and easier to keep — a fight would be resolved eventually just by virtue of living in the same house and getting drunk during a Project Runway marathon. Now, a misunderstanding or an unkind word can remain in the air for weeks while we each live our busy, complicated lives. If a friendship is deep, let’s honor that. Let’s take the time to fix it. Let’s learn to be truthful with each other and see what comes of it. We will need these friendships if we’re going to succeed.

In relationships, let’s repeat this mantra: We Don’t Have To Keep Making the Same Mistakes. Just because we’ve been terrified of commitment, or we run away whenever someone likes us back, or we treated someone we love poorly because we can, does not mean we have to continue to do so. Just because we’ve gone through periods of intense desperation and let ourselves do things we regret does not mean we have to cycle back to that when things get hard. Let’s think deeply about how we treat the people we are interested in, or the people we love. Let’s do it differently this time.

Finally, let’s like ourselves. Let’s put away the negative thoughts we’ve invited to join us for so much of our youth. Let’s accept the fundamental shapes of our bodies and the sounds of our own voices. Frizzy hair is ours now, to have and to hold. We know which clothes make us feel comfortable and which make us feel like imposters — let’s wear the ones we feel good in. Let’s settle into who we’ve become.

The work is cut out for us and it’s certainly not easy. There is pain and suffering ahead, for sure, but it will be more bearable if we face it with our eyes open. This is the time to set ourselves up for happiness.

Let’s be the best versions of ourselves, and lay claim to our little piece of history with vigor. TC Mark

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  • http://www.facebook.com/dalia.asfoor Dalia Asfoor

    EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS (sorry for the caps). This was amazing. Thank you. “Let’s settle into who we’ve become”. Yes, let’s

  • Rachel

    This is just amazing. Thank you, as always.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cole.michael.7 Cole M. Harrington

    This is awesome. Definitely going to share this among my people. I feel like so many of us are so downtrodden, we need a little pick up once in a while to remind us exactly how much of our lives we have ahead.

  • http://stuffmorganlikes.wordpress.com M

    I needed that today. Feels like a fresh breath of non-judgemental, unrelentingly honest and positive air. Thank you.

  • http://okbueno.tumblr.com Karen

    AMAZING. I have about 25 people in my life, including myself who need to read this on a daily basis. Thank you…

  • Zoe

    I really like whoever has written this. Why can’t I find people like you? Where are you? Can I come and visit? :)

    • http://didwedosomethingtodeservethis.wordpress.com Jana Pollack

      Thanks! I like you too. I’m right here :).

      • http://mangopeels.wordpress.com quantumtheory

        Real kudos to jana for the way she’s written this. We need more people like you girl :))

  • dainn

    This was lovely. Thank you so much.

  • Laura

    Hey, the picture with this article is done by my friend! (Aaron Rutten, Seattle artist) Just noticed while I was clicking through and got super excited – and it’s a great article too. Love the third to last paragraph.

  • http://twitter.com/heronkady10 Kady Heron (@heronkady10)

    yeah we really have to be ourselves.
    Saving Thousands of People Hundreds of Dollars a month. Join the club today. Just click -> http://www.saversclub.us

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/let%e2%80%99s-be-our-best-selves-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment [...]

  • http://theiiiv.wordpress.com chandlerstephen

    I’m gonna go ahead and second Zoe’s comment. I’m in love, do they make more people like you?

  • http://letmychildrenreadblogs.wordpress.com Pat Finn

    i liked this article. i have these types of ‘carpe diem’ epiphanies like once or twice a day but the moment always fades after a little while, when i get distracted or whatever, and then i fail to make the life-adjustments i had just enthusiastically plotted. my current goal is to try to find a way to live in that moment, that optimistic feeling, all the time, but so far it has always slipped away. i wrote a poem about this dilemma once but i am not going to post that here.

  • nightshaye

    You have wisdom beyond your years- (lol I missed the “y” key and it came out “you have wisdom beyond our ears”) Anyway, just to throw this out there- I got sick of thinking if the glass were half full or half empty, until I realized that for me at least, that it was neither. That rather I was simply given the glass. That was the gift! And what I put into it is what gives meaning to my life.
    It was a big ole’ relief as it let me stop searching and start doing. And put what I wanted in there. Not that I got everything, not near, and there were a few pretty big surprises along the way! But no matter. By just doing, I realized I was going in the right direction all along.

  • Kate

    Hey. Thanks for this. I was having a ‘crying in public situation because I felt utterly hopeless and pathetic’ moment today.

    I appreciate ya.

  • http://gravatar.com/overthatspilledmilk overthatspilledmilk

    Thank you for sharing this, you’re brilliant. This is helpful. I gotta read this every single day!

  • Laura

    Ugh, thank you. Seriously thank you for putting a positive spin on the ever scary twenty-something lifestyle.

  • cocokeevan

    Reblogged this on adventures in place and commented:
    This was, like, the resolution for the New Year I failed to write.

  • Grace

    you are amazing, I love this and have needed this oh so much.

  • http://charmanize.wordpress.com Char Wan

    Reblogged this on Charmanize and commented:
    “Just because we’ve been terrified of commitment, or we run away whenever someone likes us back, or we treated someone we love poorly because we can, does not mean we have to continue to do so. Just because we’ve gone through periods of intense desperation and let ourselves do things we regret does not mean we have to cycle back to that when things get hard. Let’s think deeply about how we treat the people we are interested in, or the people we love. Let’s do it differently this time.

    Finally, let’s like ourselves. Let’s put away the negative thoughts we’ve invited to join us for so much of our youth. Let’s accept the fundamental shapes of our bodies and the sounds of our own voices. Frizzy hair is ours now, to have and to hold. We know which clothes make us feel comfortable and which make us feel like imposters — let’s wear the ones we feel good in. Let’s settle into who we’ve become.

    The work is cut out for us and it’s certainly not easy. There is pain and suffering ahead, for sure, but it will be more bearable if we face it with our eyes open. This is the time to set ourselves up for happiness.

    Let’s be the best versions of ourselves, and lay claim to our little piece of history with vigor.”

  • http://yellowundies.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/lets-be/ Let’s be « jaune.

    [...] Let’s Be Our Best Selves, Thought Catalog Like this:LikeBe the first to like this. Filed under: Daily, Reflections [...]

  • Matt

    As a thirty-something I’d offer this advice: choose a plan and accept its consequences. Footloose and fancy free is a lot of fun, but many make the mistake of playing it that way yet expecting more from their encounters/encountered. Settling down might be “boring”, but if what you really want is open fires, pajamas and hot chocolate then don’t seek it in a club or the trendosphere in general.

  • http://doogen.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/free-drinks-friday-2/ Free Drinks Friday | life in the margins.

    [...] another Thought Catalog piecebut this time about how nice us twenty-somethings should and can [...]

  • http://dontbehelena.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/a-little-snippet-from-thought-catalogue/ A Little Snippet from Thought Catalogue | Don't Be Helena

    [...] a posting on Thought Catalogue this week, Jana Pollack discussed what it could mean to shed who you used to be and strive toward [...]

  • Fallon

    This is perfect – I want to print it off and carry it in my pocket everyday.

    • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.buchanan.31 Brandon Buchanan

      me too! :)

  • http://thesehappymiles.com/2012/07/tgif-x-1000.html TGIF X 1000 | The Happy Miles Blog

    [...] reads: Let’s Be Our Best Selves, Working for the Weekend, The 20 Best Things That Could Ever Happen to Someone, 25 Things I [...]

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