Glossary Of Key Terms For The Digital Age
By
Greg Levin is a professional writer based in Austin, TX. He has been getting paid to put words together since 1994, ... A.D.D. An increasingly common developmental disorder characterized by shortened attention all passengers, attention all passengers, please show your ticket stub to the conductor as he passes through.
blog. A daily or weekly web diary maintained by an individual with a grossly over-inflated sense of insight.
carbon footprint. What zombies will leave in the charred earth after Kim Jong-un torches the place.
chat. Once a casual conversation using the mouth; now a drunken conversation using the fingers.
ebook. A type of book invented by a group fiercely opposed to paper cuts.
email. A very short ebook that typically lacks any truly intriguing plot points.
Facebook. A social networking service that enables individuals to create a public record of their internal monologue.
green. An adjective placed before the word “initiatives” to help corporations create the illusion that they give two sh-ts about the planet.
iPhone. One of six acceptable responses when asked to describe what you do during the waking day; others include iText, iFacebook, iDownload, iConsume, and iCry.
Kindle. An electronic slab that fell on and flattened Borders.
Luddite. A person who doesn’t own an iPhone 4S.
Mac. Porn enthusiasts’ protection against computer AIDS.
MySpace. A dating site that died and was reincarnated as a musicians’ site that died and was reincarnated as a storage facility.
reality TV. A mode of entertainment starring individuals whose mothers couldn’t kick meth or crack during pregnancy.
Ritalin. Flintstone vitamins for children who were born after 1990.
SMS. An acronym for “Short Misspelled Sentences.”
smartphone. An apparatus clung to by humans to camouflage stupidity.
social media. A set of web-based and mobile technologies that have changed the face of marketing, entertainment and pedophilia.
tablet. A special computer for people who think Herpes comes from keyboards.
text. A noun that mysteriously turned into a verb after Y2K.
Twitter. An online extension of Ashton Kutcher’s ego.
Vicodin. Heroin for wussies.
Wikipedia. A pseudonym for the author of 95% of book reports and term papers written since 2001.
YouTube. The closest to porn that PC users can get without contracting a disease. 
You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.
-
Anonymous
-
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_R7GVNIKWG3S2UTHEQOMSZXT4M4 Anna B
-
Lady
-
Lo
-
Greg
-
Anonymous
-
Rishtopher
-
Dsfg
-
wawa
-
It_if_it_is
Recently Cataloged
-
Life Is A Highway, But You Shouldn’t Ride It, Part II
Try something today. Count how many times someone brings up some sort of mental illness in normal conversation. Add that number up and tell me it doesn’t strike you as kind of weird how many normal people walk around with the belief that there is something wrong with them.
Ted Winkworth is a former touring musician turned higher education professional. His current project, ...
-
Cologne
She assumed it was jewelry. Every year he gets her a charm for her gold chain or a pair of dangly earrings.
Kelcey is a Long Island based 20-something who is obsessed with Bloody Mary's and conforming the world to eating more ...
-
Everything Is Falling
Fall if you will, but rise you must.
Oliver has a MFA in fiction from a very expensive college, but has never published any fiction. He has written for ...
-
Sometimes You Gotta Live Más
You may lose what would have been the joy of the experience had you not been so focused on some fabricated idea or unrealistic expectation you had of how it was going to turn out.
Sarah has trekked through the nordic forests of Sweden, survived multiple floods at Bonnaroo and studied abroad in ...
View Comments
Add Yours »