Fred Durst’s 12 Most Inspirationally Awful Lyrics
By Ted Pillow
Pretty much everyone hates Fred Durst, for a variety of reasons: his personality, his utter lack of authenticity or talent, his pioneering of the embarrassing “nu metal” rap/rock genre, his penchant for so accurately representing the zeitgeist of knuckle-dragging frat boys.
All of which is pretty fair, since Fred Durst is probably the worst frontman ever. He lacks both vocal ability and charisma, and his lyrics are unimaginably, transcendently awful. So read the worst of the worst below, and remember that this guy sold 33 million records by writing this, these lyrics that literally anyone could have written. Well, anyone could have written them after significant head trauma, at least.
After all, that’s what’s oddly inspiring about Fred Durst’s lyrics — you could have written them, but you didn’t. It’s like patting yourself on the back for not crapping your pants.
Maybe life is up and down,
But my life’s been what till now?
I crawled up your butt somehow,
And that’s when things got turned around
Turned around for the better, or for the worse? What are you saying? You know what, I don’t even care. Just get out of my butt, dude.
11. Show Me What You Got
Comin’ raw with no corrections,
Savin’ all perfections for what I do with my erections
Say what you want about Fred Durst — apparently he’s perfect at sex. So, he’s got that to hang his hat on.
I got a little bitty question…
What the f-ck are you thinkin’?
You think you’re all that and then some?
Well you’re not.
I think you’re dum ditty dum!!
I take it back,
Those thoughts are kinda whack.
That’s Fred being all like, “Wow, that was really lame, even for me… can I get that one back? Let’s all just pretend I didn’t say that, okay?”
9. Livin’ It Up
Pay me no mind,
I seen the Fight Club,
About 28 times,
And I’m a keep my pants sagging
Guy #1: What was that!?!
Guy #2: Don’t worry, it was just the sound of Fight Club flying over Fred Durst’s head.
8. Show Me What You Got
I thank God, mom & dad,
Adriana, the sky, for the love I feel inside,
Jordan, my phat ass band,
Without ‘em I’d be nothin’ but a pumpkin shoved inside a can
Well that’s sweet, he’s thanking everyone for his success… wait, what?
7. Indigo Flow
When I walk out on stage,
All headaches go away,
Got the back from the sickest road crew,
Chris and Bobby for sticking to it,
Sugar Ray taught me life was all about drinking
Fred’s always rapping about the bands he’s been on tour with, which I think is pretty cool, since he always comes across as legitimately humble and grateful for the experience. Unfortunately, it’s kind of lame when the artists in question are Sugar Ray. Especially when he’s all like, “Woah, those dudes in Sugar Ray know how to PARTY!” since Mark McGrath & Co. seem more like the kind of guys who say stuff like, “Where’s the Coronas at?” and “Make sure you get light beers, I have a photo shoot tomorrow.”
Ain’t it funny how time flies? (Huh?)
Out of sight, out of mind (yeah right),
Once again back, it’s the incredible,
Subliminal, the inFredible D
He refers to himself as the inFredible D here, so… yeah, this one pretty much speaks for itself.
5. No Sex
It’s my ass and your perfume,
That make temptation hard to refuse,
So I guess we undressed,
To have sex…dirty sex
I’m going to go out a limb and say that I could steadfastly refuse the combination of Fred Durst’s ass and even the most intoxicating of perfumes. 10 times out of 10. And I could also live without the mental image of Fred having dirty sex.
4. Nobody Loves Me
Nobody loves me, nobody cares
Nobody loves me, nobody owes me a thing
Nobody loves me, nobody cares
Nobody loves me, maybe I’ll go eat worms
“No, Fred don’t do that… you don’t have to do that! We love you, okay? Put the worms down! We take back those things we said! Oh no, he’s really doing it — he’s eating the worms! Ah, gross!”
3. My Generation
Hey kid, take my advice,
You don’t want to step into a big pile of sh-t
Well, there’s one profession that Fred would have been even more ill-equipped for then lyricist/ frontman: advice columnist.
I did it all for the nookie, c’mon,
The nookie, c’mon,
So you can take that cookie,
And stick it up your… yeah!
Arguably the most commonly known of all the Durst lyrics, the chorus from “Nookie” is just lazy. Nookie and cookie? Really? And why I am sticking the cookie up my ass, anyway? Fred definitely wrote this down on a napkin like three minutes before they recorded it. Also, I’m not sure why one of the most profane bands of the 90s couldn’t say “ass.”
1. I’m Broke
‘Cuz now it’s time to pay the piper,
Bums are the type of sh-t that’s in a diaper,
Don’t make me have to call a sniper,
And wipe your brains off my windshield wiper you dirty bug
Even when I was 13, I felt embarrassed for Fred when I heard this song. And let’s just say that 13-year-old me didn’t exactly have embarrassment to be sparing for other people, so that’s saying something.
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Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.
When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.
By John Howell
“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”
I was 24 and, while not gay, ever since college I had been getting more attention from gay men than from heterosexual women.
By Ed Herro