Felix Baumgartner’s Inner Monologue From The Stratosphere, In Haiku Form
By
Nathan Savin Scott is a writer based in Washington, DC. He enjoys writing about music, sports, and was briefly a High ... I
Up in the balloon.
Remember Balloon Boy? What
happened to that kid?
II
Two million viewers
on YouTube? Eat shit, Bieber.
Can’t touch this flight man!
III
Asked mission control
if I get some in-flight snacks.
No laughs. Not my best.
IV
Contractually
have to drink all this freaking
Red Bull. Jittery.
V
Man, we are getting
HIGH. But, like, for reals, you know?
Like way the fuck high.
VI
Bet Biebs is watching
my YouTube viewer tally
and just getting pissed.
VII
Reached platform. What is
holding this thing up? Magic?
Note: asks nerds later.
VIII
Dude, Greenland is like
HALF as big as it is on
maps. What the hell, maps?
IX
Countdown begins. I
know not the right time, but I
really have to pee.
X
Time to jump. Do I
go with “Geronimo!!” or
simply, “Screw you, Biebs!!!!”?
XI
Falling now. I can
say the pee situation
has resolved itself. 
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