Choose Your Own Adventure: Cinco De Mayo

At the salsa bar, you feel silly about your dance abilities and so you order a Tecate and a tequila shot (a package deal). The music is really loud but you’re not having a bad time. Sure, it feels cliche to be at a salsa bar on Cinco de Mayo but you’re with your friends and you’re drinking just enough but not too much. This will be a fine evening. Not great. But fine.

Then, from across the bar, you spot your crush talking to someone. They must have headed over to the salsa club after the rooftop party — And oh wow, the person they’re talking to is Alison Brie, from the NBC show Community. She is gorgeous in person. You order another Tecate and tequila shot and decide you’ll bring it over to your crush as a present. As you get closer, clutching two perfectly-iced Tecates in your hand, you see that your crush must be friends with Alison Brie from the way they’re talking excitedly. You place your arm gently on your crush’s arm and say, “Hey. Fancy seeing you here! And look, I got you something.”

Your crush is super happy to see you and super gracious about the beer asking multiple times, “Oh my god, are you sure? Thanks. You’re so sweet!” Your crush makes the crucial move of opening the talking circle to you and now you can see that Alison Brie is with Donald Glover and Joel McHale. Nice.

“This is my old college friend and roommate Alison,” your crush says. “And these are her friends. Guys, this is my really awesome friend.”

You, effortlessly cool, shake all their hands. “Sorry,” you say. “If I’d known you were all together, I would have brought you drinks too.” You gesture to your crush’s Tecate with your Tecate. “They’re doing a special for Cinco de Mayo.”

“Oh, sweet,” Joel McHale says. “Let’s do another round of those. I’ll buy. For everyone.”

You spend the next few hours tepidly learning how to salsa properly from a very patient Alison Brie, laughing, sipping a cold Tecate or two and generally having an awesome time. You all order nachos around 10 p.m. and everyone eats just the right amount without being sloppy. It’s a perfect snack, and not scarfed down out of drunken desperation like you see someone people at this club doing. Yikes.

Then, it’s about 1 a.m. and you’ve exchanged numbers with Donald Glover and talked about going to see someone DJ nearby the next day and everyone hugs goodbye. You’ve got a nice little buzz on but you’re not too drunk. Your crush, super impressed by how awesomely you handled yourself tonight, asks if you want to come inside and listen to records for a bit.

Nailed it.

THE END