Choose Your Own Adventure: Cinco De Mayo

May. 4, 2012
Gaby Dunn is a writer, journalist and comedian in New York City. She is an editor at Thought Catalog and a ...

When you arrive, the Mexican brunch place is PACKED. Like, swimming-in-hipsters-and-baby-strollers PACKED. Apparently, everyone had the same idea to have burritos and heuvos rancheros for brunch on, wouldn’t you know it? Cinco de Mayo. You find your friends — there are eight of you, just too many to actually hope to get a table without some maneuvering — and of course, they just put their names down and it’s going to be a 45 minute wait. “Would’ve been better to just get Asian or something else nearby so it wouldn’t be a dumb madhouse just to get food,” you think, but you say nothing because you don’t want to spoil the holiday. Holidays are always stressful because of the pressure to do a template of things that EVERYONE else is also trying to do. It’s why you hate New Year’s Eve.

All this gets quelled though when you see your crush walking up. You shoot them a glance while engaging in conversation with another friend, in an attempt to be nonchalantly sexy but also you know, busy and unavailable.

“Oh, hey,” you say, coming up behind them as they’re looking at the menu. “Just want to see what looks good since we’re going to be waiting a while.”

They smile. “Nice to see you again.” You smile back. “I’m going to head down to the bodega and pick up a pack of American Spirits while we’re stuck waiting. You want to come?”

“Yeah,” you shrug. “Sounds good.”

The walk is nice, and brunch is nice. You all end up paying way too much, with no idea how that works out. You’re a little buzzed and everyone is heading to a rooftop party to drink Coronas from a bucket.

When you get the roof, which someone has decorated with little lights that look like sombreros, more drinking happens. You’re starting to feel super drunk, but not in a tired way from drinking all day, but in an amped-up, “let’s do this!” way. Your crush seems to be having a good time too. Well, clearly this party needs to keep on keeping on! You think maybe some of your friends and the people around you are doing some kind of hard drug, but like, whatever it’s Cinco de Mayo!

Someone mentions they saw something on Facebook about a stripper/mock-donkey show nearby and everyone’s on board. When you get there, a weird guy keeps buying you tequila shots with worms in them, but you take them all. The weird guy offers to drive you all where ever you want to go — and he’s got a bunch of tequila and beer in his Zipcar. You are too drunk to be sketched out.

Your friends are totally about it, but you’re not sure.

You: Keep drinking and everyone stays where they are or Keep drinking and everyone goes with the weird guy.


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  • http://www.facebook.com/addison.vawters Addison Vawters

    Damn you Gaby Dunn. 

    This was great idea.

  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    This is very, very cool.

  • http://www.about.me/tanyasalyers Tanya Salyers

    So fun, do this more!

  • http://twitter.com/pardimate Steph Carcieri

    Who cares about my crush, I just exchanged numbers with Donald Glover.

  • Anonymous

    xx

  • http://www.spoonfight.com/ Gunny Sack

    Why am I a girl?

  • Domino

    ahahahahahha, awesome.

  • Dogz

    can you please do a part 2

  • guest

    ahahaha Taco Bell

  • http://twitter.com/Amphx AnnamariaPhilippeaux

    This was a LOT of fun, I wanna see more of these!

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

    Amazing! I’m currently sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap with no plans at all, so I’m feeling quite #foreveralone but also strangely content with having no obligations [or friends] for the day. 

    • ObieGrrl

      I’m with you in solidarity! I’ve had a bong in my face for the past hour as I’ve been watching Gossip Girl. Whoa is me…perhaps I should be watching a Telenovela? 

      • Guestropod

        that sounds perfect and awesome

  • MadiCaruso

    This was great! ah I loved these kinds of stories when I was younger. So fun!

  • Anonymous

    Too bad there’s not an “It’s Also Derby Day in Kentucky” option. We Kentuckians have had two HUGE reasons to drink all day today! :)

  • Andrea

    I had no idea what this was, just thought it was some bad editing (Sorry Gaby!). Then I read the comments and realized! Oh! THIS. I know what this is. How clever. Loved it. :)

  • Guest

    Supermoon > Cinco De Mayo

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