Choose Your Own Adventure: Cinco De Mayo

While you’re still in bed, you pull your laptop onto your lap and start poking around Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Gawker, Thought Catalog, Instagram — soon you’re in a black hole Internet spiral that lasts until 1 p.m. You haven’t even sat up yet. “Fuuuuu—,” you think. Light streams in through your mostly closed window and you can hear people cheering and whooping on the street — already well into their drinking for the day. You feel super lame, like some sort of Salinger-esque hermit troll who gets their Vitamin D from their computer screen.

You text your friend to see what they’re doing now, but it takes an hour for him to write back and when he does it’s barely intelligible. You gather something about sitting on a rooftop with a bucket of Coronas. Aw, that would have been fun, but you’re a little bit glad to not be succumbing to the pressure of this ONE BIG DAY.

Before you text back, you look into your fridge and see you have a jar of salsa and one egg left in the carton. You quickly make yourself a “salsa egg” in honor of the holiday and consider your Cinco de Mayo food situation barely on track. Your friend texts you that they’re going to see a Mexican mariachi band play in the park.

You decide you’ll pick up a six pack of Negra Modelo and meet them there. You don’t ask if your crush is going to be there because you don’t want to seem desperate, but you definitely dress up a little just in case — throwing on some turquoise jewelry you got from your mom that time she went to a work conference with your dad in Santa Fe in the early 90s. That seems festive, right?

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