Can We Stop Calling Guys “Creepy?”

[...] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment [...]

I’ll stop calling guys creepy when they stop being creepy.

“Girls who call guys “creepy” are girls who solicit attention they have no intention of returning so that they can complain about it and feel better about themselves”.

Are you kidding me??????? You should be kicked out of womanhood.

Shit is getting old, TC.

When guys stop acting creepy, I’ll stop calling them creepy. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I only see creepy being used when it’s appropriately used to describe creepy behavior – like what that handsy guy was doing to you. Calling a woman crazy invalidates her emotions. Calling a guy creepy is a judgement call based on his actions and personal boundaries.

For what its worth, I’m a girl and I agree with you.

There’s a difference between someone checking you out/being interested, and someone who is aggressive, overwhelming, or relentless with his advances. One is creepy, the other is normal. Overusing the word takes away meaning from it. I think you summed it up well.

Great article! I was mentally nodding my head the entire way through.

I hate when I say something innocent amongst my co-ed group of friends and one of the girls responds with a “creeeee-peee” in that annoying drawn-out sort of way. No, it wasn’t creepy. It may have been silly or unfunny, but it wasn’t anything that would condemn me to the level of pedophiles and date rapists.

Thanks for this, Johanna.

I thought this was a thoughtful essay about a reasonable point, and I’m glad a woman wrote it.

this article is creepy.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Most of the over-privileged pretty girls I’m friends with will use the word “creepy” to describe someone they do not find attractive but actually has the balls to hit on them; as if they are too good for the attention from someone so “out of my league.” This human will be the topic of conversation, as they secretly and desperately hope that they continue to get this attention just to feel the self-gratifying feeling of turning someone down and feeling desirable. In most cases, these boys are not, in fact, creepy. They are just not on the physical standards that these women are used to being associated with.

Don’t get me wrong, there are creepy men, but a lot of women use the term to make themselves feel better about turning down a man, that actually have the confidence to talk to them, because they aren’t attractive enough. By seemingly protecting themselves from harm, rape, stalking, etc. they are also protecting themselves from the guilt of their own shallow standards.

You may think that just because I am a man, I do not have an appropriate opinion. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.

I think some people missed the point of this article… she’s saying that labeling guys creepy is overdone and loses it’s effect so when a guy is actually been seriously creepy (like the jerk at the party) her calling him creepy doesn’t have the effect it should. As a woman, I agree with her I do think we call men creepy too much even when they aren’t really being creepy but are just interested in us.

Better question: when can I stop calling myself creepy?

That ok cupid enemies blog is really depressing.

What people find “creepy” is subjective. I witnessed an older gentleman make inappropriate gestures at a school age girl the other day. He wasn’t necessarily being aggressive but his actions, to me anyway, would justify calling him a creep. I’ve also had men look me up and down in the street in the middle of the day while I was dressed fairly conservatively. I think women (and anyone, really) have the right to be in a public setting without being made to feel uncomfortable or wary of their surroundings. I can understand what you’re getting at and I don’t think men should be judged so harshly if they’ve done nothing wrong but labelling people who feel uncomfortable by the male gaze or certain actions is really disheartening. Especially coming from another woman. That being said, maybe you should stop referring to things as “rape-y” unless you’re actually talking about rape.

If a woman calls a man creepy, It’s 90% of the time just a man who shows interest in a woman that doesn’t find him attractive.. (he’s CREEPY) .. And unfortunately that gets tied into images of rapists / perverts / and child molesters..(who are more along the lines of SCARY).. it has a pretty profound domino effect of social exclusion. My heart goes out to the socially awkward men out there that probably endure this label 100 times before finding a partner.. and end up equating their own normal sexual feelings with “creepiness”.. Bring on the therapy!!

I promise to stop calling dudes creepy when they stop being all creepy (aka, acting like pervs and staring at my tits).

shaking with rage.

no. no no no. no. no. no. no. everything about this is awful.

‘creepy’ is a term that (in my experience) is used when a guy makes a girl feel uncomfortable, and usually this is because of a lack of respect for boundaries with women.

‘crazy’ is usually (again, in my experience and in what I’ve read on this) attached to ‘chick’ or ‘ex-girlfriend’ or whatever when a woman dares to react with real, unpleasant human emotions.

godfucking damnit.

SO MUCH FUCKING RAGE AT THE IGNORANCE & SUPERFICIALITY OF THIS WEBSITE. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. STOP PUBLISHING BULLSHIT.

Is it possible that many women use “creep” as a way to coverup their own inability to respond to a stranger who has initiated conversation? I imagine it’d be more ideal if every guy that approached you in a coffeeshop was Joseph Gordon Levitt’s younger brother but that’s fantasy. Men of all varieties reasonably could want to try to know you. It’s possible to respectfully communicate a lack of interest but do so in a way that is considerate and not smugly self-satisfying. Instantly whipping out a creep-o-meter doesn’t create a culture where strangers feel comfortable taking a chance on getting to know someone. Which could be why cities like New York are filled with single, educated, interesting people but no one wants to make a move. Obviously, no one is advocating not calling out criminal behavior or harassment. But calling someone a “creep” is almost entirely unproductive.

Creepers exist and I use the word it is a way to express my discomfort to my friends and warn other female friends that my gut is telling me this guy can’t be trusted. Because we don’t just toss the word around, we take the situation seriously when someone expresses their creeped out feelings. Instead of expressing your frustrations about the over-use of the word to the anonymous internet, perhaps you should sit your social group down and have this discussion with them. And please include the word rapey in this discussion.

Some guys are legitimately creepy, but that is precisely WHY we shouldn’t let the word be watered down by using it when a man is merely A) unattractive to us and B) interested in us. I believe that is what the author was saying.

So I should stop calling the guy that lurks in my alley outside my garage with a cigarette and a party hat creepy?

I understand the nuances of your argument (the word creepy should be not indiscriminately overused, no), but like most of the commenters, I am generally taken aback by this article. The paragraph that is most concerning to me:

“I think I really offended this guy by asking where the “least rape-y” area of his lake house was that I could sleep when my girlfriend and I crashed there after a party. In my defense, his friend had fondled me at least three times that night while i awkwardly laughed and pushed him off (who does that?) but I immediately felt badly, because that’s a really disrespectful thing to imply about a guy and all his closest friends.”

Why are you apologizing for being sexually assaulted in someone’s home? Don’t we want men to recognize and stand against dangerous/inappropriate/micro-aggressive behavior? I think so. You shouldn’t have to apologize to someone who should have been just as disgusted and taken aback as you and other women. If he doesn’t want his house to be labeled as “rapey” then he shouldn’t condone “rapey” behavior.

Jezebel published a really interesting article on the word creepy and men’s discomfort with it that foils your argument well. The last paragraphs summarizes the rest of the piece well:

“Though the word may be occasionally used unfairly (for example, to describe a physically unattractive guy’s genuinely respectful attempt at striking up a conversation), “creepy” serves a vital function. No other word is as effective as describing when a man has crossed a woman’s boundary; no other word forces a man to reflect on how his behavior makes other people feel. A guy can disprove accusations of being weak by displaying strength (often in foolish ways.) But a guy can only disprove the charge of creepiness by fundamentally altering his behavior to be more genuinely respectful of women.

This, of course, is why some guys hate the word so much; it forces men to reflect carefully about how they make women feel. No wonder then that so many guys are campaigning against “creep-shaming.” After all, the sooner the term becomes socially unacceptable, the sooner men can get back to not having to think about women’s boundaries.”

Of course, as with the use of any word, we should be careful with how it is used, but please don’t encourage women to turn off their intuition towards this type of behavior.

here is a link to the jezebel article, please read:

http://jezebel.com/5903883/why-guys-really-hate-being-called-creepy