Are You Going To Finish That?
…Are you going to finish that? I just noticed it, hanging off the edge of your plate like that so I just thought I’d ask if you were going to finish it? What is that, anyway? A spring roll? A potsticker? I mean, are you going to eat it? I’ll eat it if you’re not going to eat it but I’m not going to touch it if you’re going to eat it; it doesn’t have dairy though, does it? You know that I can’t eat dairy — I’ve told you a million times before that I can’t eat dairy, haven’t I?
“Why not make it a million and one?” What do you mean? What’s that got to do with what we were talking about? What were we talking about? Yum, this doesn’t have dairy, right? Do I ever listen to you? What kind of a question is that?
I was kidding last night when I said that I was never having sex with anyone ever again — you got that, right? It’s just that since I’ve stopped drinking, I never feel like sleeping with anyone, but you understand it has nothing to do with you personally? “Either way is fine with me”? …Sure, I don’t know; I don’t know, do you think it has to do with my meds? Meds can decrease sex drive, can’t they; and do you think it’s cold in here? Or warm? Or maybe it’s just nothing? My mother used to say that, a nothing kind of day, she would say — oh, have I told you that before? Look, just because my voice goes up at the end doesn’t always mean that I’m asking a question — are those people pointing at us?
Or maybe it’s a draft in here? Drafts, that reminds me: like, my father once told me that wind comes from France, did I ever tell you that story? I asked him, when I was a little kid, not more than five, I said: “Daddy, where does the wind come from?” You’d think that even if he didn’t know, he’d make up something about barometric pressure or clashing weather fronts or something, right? Instead he says, “It comes from fans,” can you believe that? And I say: “From fans where?” And he says: “Fans in the middle of France, they have these huge fields there, in central France there’s row after row after row of fans, like the windmills you’ve seen, and that’s all they do there, they produce wind, and then the wind blows all the way over here, across the ocean, does that answer your question?” And I said: “Maybe, I guess?”
Can you believe someone would tell that to a little girl? I mean, what he was trying to do there? Was he trying to be funny? Was he trying to mess me up for life? Or did he really actually not know where the wind came from? Or drunk? Maybe he was just drunk? No; I feel fine, why?
I can’t remember when his drinking got so bad, really bad — no, I don’t think that I want dessert, do I? Should I have dessert? Are you having any? This is so much like our phone conversations, don’t you think? I went here for a second date once, is it weird to keep track of things like that? He was a stockbroker I think; but he lied and said he was in a band; he was making crazy money, but he pretended he was just a slacker; I mean, how long can you get away with that for? That’s so American Psycho, don’t you think?
Dating is so weird, isn’t it? It makes me think of that song by X, do you listen to them ever? I guess they’re “retro” now — what are they looking at? Does anyone in this town mind their own business anymore? Where was I? “This is a game whose rules change as you play,” I think that’s it; hey, speaking of American Psycho, it’s in that book, um… The Rules of Attraction? No, right? They’re both by the same author though; they’re by the same author — Less than something? With Robert Downey Jr. in the movie and at the end he dies? …Less Than Zero; right, have you read it?! Or seen the movie? “This is a game whose rules change as you play” — you’re serious, you’ve never seen the movie? What are they looking at? Could our waitress be any more brusque, even; Jesus that’s the kind of person where you’re like “are they on their period”? What a stupid thing to say — these prices — are you sure that you’ve got it? You got it the last time, or didn’t you? What, really; do you really have to go? Look at that, it can’t be that late already, can it? You’re really leaving already, where? Oh and it’s sold out already — are you serious? Well, are you going anywhere after? Well, and where are you going after? Well, how will I know? …How will I know if you don’t tell me?
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This video of a puppy watching a scene we’re so familiar with and evoking the same sentiments we once felt is oddly heartwarming, extremely precious and a dash of funny.
You died, and the hope that you would one day love us back the way we loved you died with you.
Weight Watchers likes to say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Which I guess means they’ve never tasted Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Even when traveling alone, there will always be other travelers, or at least someone to talk to along the way.