An Open Letter To All The Men Who’ve Politely Informed Me I’m Not Wearing A Bra

May. 21, 2012

By Stacie Adams info

When she's not reading or writing she's at the bar telling people about the time she saw Queens of the Stone Age ...

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First of all, I’d just like to thank you for taking time out your busy schedule to express concern for the fact that I am indeed not wearing a bra. I do appreciate the myriad of ways you broach the tender subject, such as “Sure is cold in here!” or “Bras are soooooo uncomfortable, aren’t they?” and sometimes “I can totally see your nipples.” But, amazingly enough, I am fully aware that I am not wearing a bra as I almost always dress myself in the morning.

These days not wearing a bra seems pretty tame, considering you have celebrities forgetting to put on pants and calling it evening wear and 15-year-olds sending beaver shots that look more like gynecological exams to their class mates. It’s a sick world out there, bra-less women should be about as scandalous Bob Ross paintings or putting mustard on your French fries.

Most people have a stronger reaction to nudity than violence, which makes about as much sense as reaming your kid for smoking a joint but nary batting an eyelash when he pounds beers with abandon. There is literally nothing more natural than nudity. I hate to tell you this, but you are naked right now under your clothes. Terrifying, I know, but totally true.

But the fact remains that many of you are downright put out over my aversion to top floor underthings. I sometimes even use men’s reactions to this particular sartorial choice as barometer when judging prospective paramours. Mention it in the first five minutes of meeting me? Well then, you and I are probably never going to recreate that outrageous breast feeding Time cover. Bring it up on the third date with all the awe and wonder normally associated with mythical creatures? Then you sir may have won my heart, which incidentally sits between my unsheathed boobies. Also, I sometimes refer to my tits as Bigfoot in the throes of passion, but please don’t tell anyone.

While some may believe this is a political move, it’s actually a function of being on the small side breast wise. One of the benefits of being a proud member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (whose motto is ‘more than a mouthful is just a waste’) is the ability to go bra-less. My girls were born free and free they will stay. If large-titted women can showcase cleavage up to their eyelashes then surely I can let my fun bags flop about of their own accord. Just pretend we are in a French movie.

Also, bras truly are uncomfortable. I don’t much like manhandling my tits into some abomination of cloth and wire just to throw a tattered band t-shirt over the whole contraption. Who the hell am I, Hillary Clinton? Am I hobnobbing with heads of state? Actually, that might be a good ploy for female politicians to garner support. The men would be so transfixed by boobs the woman could get away with most anything.

While your concern for my breasts is truly touching, no, you cannot touch them. You can look at them if you so desire, but please don’t be offended when I make prolonged eye contact with your crotch. As far as talking about them, my breasts are rather skittish and would prefer that you don’t address them directly. Much like a startled deer they may dash away into traffic and get hit by a car. TC mark

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  • Susan

    “But the fact remains that many of you are downright put out over my aversion to top floor underthings.”  You are wonderful. 

  • http://twitter.com/vintagevixenCT Emma

    I have small breasts and really don’t understand the why I should bind them. I understand if you want to control your gazungas and support them properly but for us flat chested ladies… it doesn’t make sense. Great article. Loved ”
    Just pretend we are in a French movie.”!

    • Anonymous

      oh my jesus same! I hate bras so soso so so much. I rarely wear them at home and never wear one if I know I’m wearing something that won’t show my nips even if I get horny/cold in public. they fucking HURT and should be much more optional.

  • That Guy

    I couldn’t help but notice you weren’t wearing a bra when you wrote this.

  • jaybird

    “Much like a startled deer they may dash away into traffic and get hit by a car.” 

    This article is a masterpiece.

  • Beaver

    “15-year-olds sending beaver shots that look more like gynecological exams to their class mates”
    …LOL

  • http://twitter.com/alalalex alex

    I’m too ashamed of the fact that I have nipples to go around bra-less, but I respect and admire all of the ladies who throw caution (and nipples) to the wind.

  • Catherine

    I fucking loved this thank you

  • Eve

    I want to marry you and I’m not even gay.

  • Leah McKinley

    That was freakin’ hilarious! Now I wish I had tiny boobs just so that I could say I was a part of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee  :) lol

  • Guest

    More than a mouthful is just a waste… absolutely epic!

  • Asavva

    Hahaha, I was the same as you until I had a baby 13 years ago. My perky A cups went to a DD, then back to an A…except the skin didn’t shrink back and I ended up with banana peels with a small ball in the bottom of them. Destroyed, and they look terrible without a bra.

    • beatrice

      oh gosh. Not looking forward to that

  • http://twitter.com/LA2SF2NY Hugh Manatee

    “Pretend we’re in a French movie”? I’m exposing scruffy chest hair as we speak.

  • New Reader

    Hey there. I know you say it’s “not political” but actually this is very political. In letting it all hang loose you’re fighting the status quo, itself a political move. Politics may not be your motivator but don’t ever say that rejecting oppressive (YEAH I WENT THERE) feminine standards isn’t political.

  • http://twitter.com/nickguyrees Nick Guy Rees

    I’m surprised you get comments like that from guys. Usually I’m more along the lines of “Darlin, there are bad people in the world, and we live in the big city. So just this once, let me be a nice guy give you some advice: dress more conservatively before you get raped.”

    • A well-wisher.

      Usually I’m more along the lines of “Darlin, there are some intelligent people on Though Catalog, and we live on a big internet.  So just this once, let me be a nice girl and give you some advice: don’t use your full names (complete with links to a Twitter account) when you’re saying something that feeds into victim blaming and rape culture”.

    • darlin’

      I’m surprised you would say that to anyone.  Usually when people give me unsolicited advice regarding my body or clothing I’m more along the lines of “Hey buddy, there are some angry people in the world, and this is a big city.  So just this once, let me be a nice lady and give you some advice: go fuck yourself, sir, before I start exploring the catharsis of spitting on strangers.”

      Also, only my mom can call me darlin’ bro.

      • http://twitter.com/nickguyrees Nick Guy Rees

        I stand by what I said, which is why I don’t post anonymously. While I definitely agree that women should be able to wear whatever they want, that how a people dress (or don’t dress) shouldn’t affect how they are treated, I also realize that this is the real world. Dress provocatively and you will provoke someone.
        Also, I’m from the South, so it’s not terrible to call someone darlin when you have to be a bit patronizing.

    • matt good

       is that a threat?

    • Anonymous

      I’ll bet you’re a real hit with people aren’t you?

  • Anonymous

    Mustard on your french fries is gross…

    • ResonateTruth

      This is what stuck with me too :P

      • Anonymous

        I’m glad we were able to see the real fallacy of this article… Stacie thinks that this is an appropriate condiment for french fries!

    • Guest

      Ummm, false.

  • Resonatetruth

    Frankly, I’m jealous. I have far more than needed and my shoulders have small indentations from my bra straps. I dread the day I have kids or hit 40. I’m at the gym 4 times a week and honestly, don’t know if it’s going to make a difference. BE FREE. Right on. Seriously.

  • annonymous

    I will never understand the bra-free crowd. How, how, how is it uncomfortable? Please, lets go bra shopping together. I’m barely an A and I find it so uncomfortable to skip out on the bra. Live you life, no judgement here, but I am, and will always be, a bit confused. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/jess.hurst1 Jess Hurst

    38C speaking: not sure why people think bras are uncomfortable? 

    • Empty Sack

      Each to his or her own, I guess. ;)

  • Makahlig

    Feminism at its finest.

  • Sam

    fun fact: did you know that going braless is actually a good way to prevent sagging later in life? studies show that wearing a bra can cause the chest muscles that naturally support the breasts to slightly atrophy, and by choosing to forgo a brassiere will help maintain pectoral strength and slow down the sagging process.

    it felt relevant, thought i’d pass it along.

    • angela a

      hmm, but women in nat geo documentaries (you guys know who i’m talking about), don’t seem to benefit from going bra-less…

      also, being a C-cup, although I wish I could, but it just hurts to go bra-less

      • Sam

        different way of life, different diet, different ways of carying themselves as far as work life and posture etc, cant really be compared. in fact, those womens breast dont sag as soon or in the same way as westernized countries where bras are more common place.

        and yeah, it may hurt at first because if you’ve been wearing bras for a while you’d have less strength in the ligaments in your chest and back. as those muscles start to do their designed function it would hurt less (and improve your posture in the process). my girlfriend is a D and she’s bra free about 90% of the time. she told me at first it did sort of hurt but over time she actually felt like she had more natural support sans bra.

  • Anonymous

     meh. I’ll keep my bra on.

  • beatrice

    Part of the  Itty Bitty Titty Committee, and I totally empathize. I hate wearing bras. And I hate how I have to change into one at home when guests are over 

  • sassiel

    YES! I completely agree. As member of IBTC, why should I have to wear a bra if my boobs don’t actually need the support? For shape? I see that, and that’s the only reason I do wear a bra usually. But the natural shape of my breasts should not offend. The worst is when my friends are like “woah! you’re gonna put a bra on right?” 

    Um no. No I’m not.

    My favorite is when men hug me and feel around for the bra strap on my back to make sure I really am free-boobin’ it. 

    Bras are uncomfortable. They’re not the most uncomfortable thing in the world, but certainly not wearing one is more comfortable. I’m confused on why one Anonymous is so confused. It seems like pure logic. Something with wires and straps and buckles harnessing your chest, or nothing. Seems nothing should always win.

  • Birdy

    Love this. I’m braless 95% of the time and proud of it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    Psst, Stacie, you forgot your bra. 

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