A World Series Preview For Non-Sports Fans
Yes, me. The Managing Editor and Grand Poobah of Sports Coverage for Thought Catalog.
Did you make that title up yourself?
Do your editors know about this position?
They do not.
Alright. So, um, what sport are we talking about here?
Baseball. We’re talking about baseball.
Ah. Baseball. That’s the one with the diamond, yes? And the hot dogs? And the boredom?
Cool. So what’s going on in baseball?
It’s time for the World Series.
Ah, like the World Cup in soccer?
Well, the World Cup features teams from all over the world. This is just the championship of Major League Baseball.
Little presumptuous to call it the “World” Series, don’t you think?
I guess so.
Little hegemonic, no? Assuming the champion of the American league is the “World” Champion, no?
Are we really going to get into this?
Nah. You’re right. So who’s playing?
The Detroit Tigers and the San Francisco Giants.
Yeah. It’s a pretty exciting one, actually. The Tigers have the best pitcher in baseball, Justin Verlander, and the best hitter, Miguel Cabrera.
I believe you.
And the Giants, even though they won a couple years ago, are a scrappy group who play with heart, led improbably by recent addition Hunter Pence, who has taken to giving rousing pre-game speeches to inspire his teammates.
See, you say it sounds riveting, but your tone…your tone suggests otherwise.
Fine. Don’t be excited. And, well, yeah. That’s who is playing in the World Series, and I, for one, am pretty excited.
…Sorry. You have the right to be excited. San Francisco and Detroit, huh? That’s sort of cool.
Right?! I lived out in San Francisco when the Giants won their last World Series, and it was a blast. The Giants also have a lunatic closer named Brian Wilson, who has a huge beard and went to an awards show with Chewbacca.
That’s pretty awesome.
Isn’t New York in this every year?
The Yankees? Well, they lost this year to the Detroit. Got swept. Embarrassing, really. And it was a disaster because Derek Jeter got injured, their captain and leader. Plus there was drama with Alex Rodriguez, who got benched. It was exciting stuff.
Is Jeter the one who dated Minka Kelly?
What’s going on with them?
I’m not really sure.
Are you serious?
You know all this shit about some guy with a beard and another guy giving pre-game speeches and pitchers and batters and you can’t tell me what’s going on with Derek and Minka?
I think they broke up?
Oh. Too bad. I was pulling for those two.
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I love you for a lot of reasons but I love you the most because of how insecure you are, because you don’t see all the good stuff that’s inside of you.
5. Inadvertently ruin every relationship with everyone else because of him.
What is a usual self?
But that’s just the avocados, don’t even get me started on the strawberries. This is California. Second only to weed, Californians are experts at describing their tomatoes in hyperbolic terms.