A Working Script For Your Start-Up Pitch

Jan. 6, 2012

By Zachary McCune info

Zachary McCune is the former owner of an excellent ‘fro style haircut. He now aspires to be a supporting ...

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Good Afternoon. [COUGH, WINK, SMILE] I’m [INSERT NAME].

The _______ industry is broken.

It’s the 21st century, but the ______ industry hasn’t changed much since DICKENS/I LOVE LUCY/THE EISENHOWER ADMINISTRATION.

CONSUMERS/CLIENTS/BUSINESSES/PETS want a PRODUCT/SERVICE/IMAGINARY FRIEND that allows them to quickly [WHAT YOUR STARTUP WILL DO].

And that’s why we founded [CUTE, DIFFICULT TO SPELL NAME]. We’ve got a great team, a terrific product, and a big vision plan to DISRUPT/REVOLUTIONIZE the entire ________ sector.

Have you ever wanted to [OUTRAGEOUS CLAIM]? With [BUSINESS NAME] that’s easy. You can seamlessly engage CONTENT/CLIENTS with just a few keystrokes. In fact, it even works on your mobile device.

Here, [PREGNANT PAUSE] let me show you…

Meet [GENERIC PERSON/IRONIC CELEBRITY]. S/he has a problem. They want to [DREAM AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM] but instead they have to use [MICROSOFT WORD/THE YELLOW PAGES].

That’s where we come in.

[CUE VIDEO SHOT BY WILLIAMSBURG FILMMAKER FRIEND]

I know what you’re thinking. How does this brilliant little [PIPE DREAM] make money?

Well that’s the best part…

CONSUMER/CLIENTS/USERS of our product are always generating [VALUABLE BEHAVIORAL DATA]. And while we grow a base of customers we’re simultaneously collecting [SAID VALUABLE DATA] for our partners. It’s win-win.

We’ve also got a [FREEMIUM/AD-SPONSORED OPTION] that will return  [EYEBROW-RAISING FIGURE]. We’ve already been in touch with [SLIDE THAT LOOKS LIKE QUILT OF BRAND ICONS] a host of potential partners who love what we’re doing.

This [KOOKY IDEA] came from a [HIGH THOUGHT/TRAVEL ABROAD EXPERIENCE/PET PEEVE] I had when I was at [INSERT COLLEGE]. From there, I built a great team of [EX-GOOGLE EMPLOYEE, HBS GRAD, & RISD DESIGNER] that knows what success looks like.

We’re raising a round of [SECOND EYE-RAISING FIGURE] and we’re already [OPTIMISTIC PERCENTAGE] of the way there. That’s where you come in [CONFIDENT CHUCKLE].

Please come find me if you want to change the entire ________ industry with [BUSINESS NAME] today.

[CRACK OPEN THAT HONEST TEA BRO, YOU’RE ABOUT TO GO SERIES A]. TC mark

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image – Shutterstock

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  • Rishtopher

    I laughed the entire way through this, amazing.

  • http://twitter.com/cbrogan12 Colleen Brogan

    I know what success looks like — and it looks like this article. Win-win-win! 

  • Brian Dear

    #winning

  • Nightmove31

    Awesome.

  • Anonymous

    This must have been difficult :O

    Nice!

  • http://twitter.com/iamsubmerged Jordana Bevan

    what’s the copyright on this? can i use it IRL?

    • Zack M.

      Go for it. As my Best Buy salesman says, “it’s ready-to-go, out-of-the-box.” 

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