A Professional Golfer Explains His Choice Of Wardrobe To A Drag Queen
Well, first of all, I’d like to say that I completely respect and admire your work in the field of drag queenery. I think self-expression and breaking the gender barrier is really important in 2012. I watch the LPGA tournaments every year just to show support for these ladies really giving it their all in the spirit of athleticism.
Oh, so yes, back to your original question regarding my choice of outfit.
You see, in the grand tradition of a great sport like golf, full of class and history, it’s imperative for those of us who participate to really feel like we’re dressing up for the occasion. We’re not just going out on to the green as ourselves; we’re stepping out in different, more colorful, brighter clothing than we’d usually wear. It’s a celebration.
Right, so let’s start with the pants. When I saw that they were somehow able to combine floral, paisley and plaid, I knew I had to have them.
Naturally I also wore my very best orange and green argyle sweater vest over a teal short sleeve Taylormade collared shirt — with a bowtie the same pattern as my pants. Oh, you’re quite right. It was tough to get a matching pants and bowtie set, but I just managed to get a swab of the original fabric from the designer of these Loudmouth Magnolia Lane pants and had them whip one up for me. Of course, it was necessary. Was I supposed to wear a bowtie that didn’t exactly match my pants? Do you want me to look stupid?
What do you mean ‘Why is dressing up like this part of golf?’
Stop calling what I’m wearing a “costume.” It’s not a “costume.” Well, it’s insulting to the sport, that’s why. It’s a uniform. A very sensible sports uniform. Would you ask a New York Giant why he wears a helmet and elbow pads? Would you ask a Los Angeles Laker why he’s wearing a jersey and goggles? Would you ask a Boston Bruin why he’s got a mouthguard on his teeth? Oh, because those serve a purpose in playing the actual sport? And you’re wondering what the point of dressing up for golf is? Oh, erm.
No, no, come on. It’s nothing like being a drag queen. Drag queens dress up in colorful, flamboyant clothing that no one else would ever wear in public and parade around. They revel in weird patterns and gaudy, comical shades. No, I mean, yes I’m wearing bright pink pants but that’s…that’s different.
Anyway, naturally when I became a professional golfer, I could have used my real name but I thought it’d be more fun to have a traditional “golf” name sort of like “Tiger Woods” or “Boo Weekley” or “Jamie Lovemark” or “Notah Begay” or “Dick Mast” or “Fuzzy Zoeller.” You know, real manly, fun names. It’s important for a golfer to have a catchy, memorable name.
What’s that? You call yourself Sandy Trapp because you “usually require a ball washer”? And your friend is Trippa Bogey because he “takes more than one stroke?” Uh. Oh. Well, then.
Choosing a fitting name and outfit is all part of the fun of the game. An important part of golf is selling yourself — like the great Arnold Palmer did. It’s better to really push my own personal style as part of my golfer brand. When playing pro golf, it’s important for your clothing to stand out as much as your talent — maybe even more so.
No, no it is not the same as when you used the tulle from your niece’s old ballet outfit to make a tube top. Look, stop comparing us. What we do is not the same.
This morning, when I pulled my dark green socks up over the bottoms of my pants and threw on my lucky bright purple Kangol cap backwards, I was in the zone, like an athlete all right? The way God intended.
Yes, I know traditionally visors and hats in golf are intended to keep the sun off your face but I’m really going for more of a Sam Jackson kind of look — besides I can always turn it around into a fun, yet functional fashion accessory.
Okay. I guess I see your point.
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My ears listened to what they wanted me to believe.
3. Don’t get mad, get everything.
But I am here to talk about realities, realities that are based on experiences, guy talks (who cares about that?) and late night chats with good female friends of mine.
Many people know of Jack Kerouac’s fiction, but few know of his penchant for recording his dreams.