A Non-Disgusting List Of Productive Things I’ve Done On The Toilet

Jun. 11, 2012

By Kat George info

Kate George is the Managing Editor at Portable.tv. Lives like Die Hard but with a Katy Perry vibe. Follow her on ...

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The following is a non-comprehensive list of productive(ish) things I have done while sitting on the toilet relieving myself. Let no time go wasted, no task be completed in isolation from others; “Efficient” is my middle name. Right after “Effluent.”
  1. Brushed my teeth
  2. Online shopped
  3. Skyped my mother
  4. Skyped various other non-New York dwelling friends
  5. Ate a slice of ham
  6. Painted my nails
  7. Watched Seinfeld on my laptop
  8. Read a magazine
  9. Read a book
  10. Booked a hair appointment over the phone
  11. Contemplated the Sheryl Crow method of one-sheet wiping
  12. Contemplated the logistics of two females “crossing swords”
  13. Contemplated the logistics of a sitting female and a standing male “crossing swords”
  14. Wished I could cross swords
  15. Stripped myself completely naked
  16. Put on shoes
  17. Written a post card
  18. Moisturized
  19. Played Zelda on DS
  20. Played pretty much all of the games like Words With Friends and Drawing With Friends
  21. Squeezed ingrown hairs
  22. Plucked bikni line into relative smoothness with only a pair of tweezers
  23. Had a meaningful life conversation with a friend standing over me
  24. Drank a beer
  25. Drank some juice
  26. Smoked a cigarette
  27. Cleaned the toilet (requires pulling some interesting shapes)
  28. Thought about writing this post
  29. Wrote some of this post
  30. Checked my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Email/Formspring
  31. Responded to both personal and work emails
  32. Turned on the bath tap
  33. Killed a cockroach TC Mark

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image – Cravendale

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  • Emma

    Ja ja I know. “What the fuck has happened to Though Catalog?” “This is the ridiculous/shit/random”. But so what? Thought Catalog is just a site where people can share their thoughts. THOUGHT = CATALOG. Geddit?
    So shut up and submit something.

    • Julia

      “Relevant and Relatable”

      According to that thought, we’re all sitting on the toilet, heartbroken, and having quarter-life-crises.

      PS: I feel like Thought Catalog is Livejournal for the new generation. Except everyone posts their woes in the same place, since the new youngin’s were raised in the social network age. They be ready to put their angsty hearts on display!

  • http://amykitt.blogspot.com Amy Kitt

    Sometimes, I read Russian literature on the toilet. Helps me get in the right mood.

    But mostly, I just pray and swear I’m never going to drink again.

  • page

    so it’s kat effluent efficient george?

    that’s a very pretty name

  • amber

    *Ate a slice of ham…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/jamie.m.rice Jamie M Rice

    i have recently taken to sleeping on the toilet….. no on purpose, sleep walking in there, sitting down and waking up hours later lol

  • http://ericaconroy.com Erica Conroy

    Huh, I’m reading this while on the toilet. And number 11 I ponder often. I mean how does she do that? Is one sheet the size of a bedsheet maybe? Is she an alien?

  • M.K.

    putting on make-up! one of the best time savers i know when i’m running late

  • guest

    how the FUCK do you tweeze your entire bikini line? ouch

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