A Checklist For Your Breakup

Jul. 23, 2012

By Stephanie Georgopulos info

Steph is a former editor at Thought Catalog and a current writer at Gawker Media. Her work has been featured on ...

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Notify your breakup friend. It doesn’t have to be your best friend, it doesn’t have to be a mutual friend, it just has to be the friend who slowly and gracefully replaced your ex as they became less available, less involved, less in love.

Hesitantly allow yourself to feel relief for having escaped a relationship that only the darkest places in your heart know was wrong for you.

Have a passing moment wherein you believe that you could be friends, that you should be friends, that you will be friends, someday — even if it isn’t true, even if you were never friends to begin with.

Struggle with whether or not you should reach out and ask for the things you left behind, your watch or your earrings or your sweater. Don’t ask them to return your heart, you’ll get that back on your own.

Spend entire weekends running errands, learning how to be alone again.

Look up the romantic prospects your relationship prevented you from pursuing and feel a vague combination of excitement and despair.

Vow to become better, to lose weight, to get published. Vow to make them notice.

Realize one day that the person to whom you could comfortably talk all kinds of shit is no longer on your team.

Watch films that make you cry because wallowing in someone else’s grief is preferable to wallowing in your own.

Kiss someone new and notice how plastic and passionless they taste.

Orchestrate jealousy-inducing schemes even though they leave you feeling vapid and transparent every single time.

Oscillate between pouring every ounce of yourself into work and staring blankly at a computer screen, watching your ex’s chat icon turn red green orange grey.

Revisit the wooded cafe where you passed Saturday mornings with books and coffee and each other; partially because you still feel safe there, partially because a small part of you hopes they do, too.

Find an excuse to make contact, ask a question you already know the answer to, conveniently forget the name of novels and songs and restaurants.

Explain to your parents that they will never again see the person you begrudgingly introduced them to, the person whose business card clings to their refrigerator in case of emergencies, the person whose food allergies they cooked around.

Tell your friends the things you never wanted to speak aloud before, your doubts and worries and dreams — dreams your ex had no part in.

Mentally decide who gets custody over your mutual friends, over your favorite bar, over that patch of grass at the park just to feel like you have some control.

Tell yourself that you’re okay. Eventually start to believe it. TC mark

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  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/a-checklist-for-your-breakup/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment [...]

  • F.R.

    Currently going through a breakup of a long-term relationship.
    This is pretty spot on, and it may just be me, but I’m loving the breakup/love/moving on articles on here.
    Everyone at some point will fall in love, fight for love, and then lose love, so these articles are always relevant I feel.
    Very well written and accurate!!

  • http://twitter.com/dianasalier diana salier (@dianasalier)

    totally went through most of these a year ago — especially walking by old cafes and realizing you’re not on the same team anymore.

  • http://poppychix.wordpress.com Poppychix

    Reblogged this on Poppychix and commented:
    Yup. Just tell yourself that it would be okay. Tell yourself to forget. And you will. Be strong in the head.

  • Chantal

    That was great to read. Just got out of a relationship not because we don’t love each other, but because I want kids and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want more. Hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through. This was good to read though.

  • Sam

    I rarely comment on these articles, as they seem like a rehash of the same thing over and over. But this…is really, really good. The part about losing weight, getting published, etc—so on point. Glad I’m not the only one. It’s interesting how something so painful leads to you becoming a better version of yourself.

  • http://twitter.com/CopperCurls Elisabetta (@CopperCurls)

    I feel this can even be applied to a breakup with a best friend.

  • http://duskromance.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/a-checklist-for-your-breakup/ A checklist for your breakup | Richelle-Joy Chia

    [...] yourself that you’re okay. Eventually start to believe [...]

  • shreyashively

    It hurts. Really bad. And it’s amazing to read about it, and know, that it’s normal.

    Loved the article!

  • Laurel

    I just went through a breakup like this, and what made it so awful that the only reason was distance, and not because we didn’t love each other. We still do, but we know we have to move on. It’s so comforting to see I’m not the only one who goes through this, and this article hit it spot on. Thank you.

  • Sylvia

    I may not being going through a breakup right now, but gosh I love your writing

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    [...] Keeping busy and distracted is one way to deal with a breakup, but no one’s ever died from sobbing in bed for days, either (I don’t [...]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/10/17-truths-about-breakups/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    [...] Keeping busy and distracted is one way to deal with a breakup, but no one’s ever died from sobbing in bed for days, either (I don’t [...]

  • http://dindelmundo.wordpress.com/2012/10/11/17-truths-about-breakups/ 17 Truths About Breakups | going back to square one.

    [...] Keeping busy and distracted is one way to deal with a breakup, but no one’s ever died from sobbing in bed for days, either (I don’t [...]

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    [...] Keeping busy and distracted is one way to deal with a breakup, but no one’s ever died from sobbing in bed for days, either (I don’t [...]

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