A Checklist For Successful Air Travel
By
Justin Hook is a writer for the Internet, a large network of computers. He also occasionally writes for television. 1. Plan an exciting trip months in advance.
2. Wait until the last minute to buy an expensive and inconvenient flight.
3. Set your alarm for an ungodly hour; sleep through your alarm.
4. Forget to pack a toothbrush.
5. Get stuck in a 4:30 a.m. traffic jam.
6. Assume airport parking will be inexpensive.
7. Make no effort to remember where you parked.
8. Arrive, after a long walk, at Arrivals; eventually realize planes depart from Departures.
9. Pick out a middle seat in the last row.
10. Rush to board the plane as soon as your row is called; experience vertigo waiting in a long line on the jet bridge.
11. Attempt to cram your carry-on bag into the overhead compartment; check your bag in defeat; never see your bag again.
12. Sit between an obese man and a crying baby.
13. Assume every sound the plane makes is an engine failing; assume it’s because you left your cellphone on.
14. Fall asleep just as the obese man has to get up.
15. Wake from a micronap to suddenly realize you are 40,000 feet above solid ground, trapped in a metal tube hurtling through the troposphere at 500mph; freak out.
16. Hate a baby with all your heart; feel momentarily guilty about it.
17. Read SkyMall; become convinced the key to happiness is a dedicated hot dog toaster.
18. Develop a sudden urge to use the bathroom immediately after the beverage service starts.
19. Get reclined upon; fully recline your chair in retaliation; notice no gain in comfort.
20. Unrecline before landing; feel as though you’ve never sat so upright in your life.
21. Become convinced during landing that the plane should not be fishtailing this much; sweat uncontrollably from palms.
22. Arrive at your destination 40 minutes early; wait on tarmac for 40 minutes.
23. Hope your bag is the first one on the baggage carousel; hope it is the next one; hope it shows up at all; abandon all hope.
24. Realize immediately after stepping outside you are not dressed appropriately for this climate.
25. Have an amazing trip that is all too short.
26. Schedule a wake-up call for an ungodly hour; sleep through the wake-up call.
27. Forget to pack your phone charger.
28. Pack an expensive local wine in your carry-on bag; watch the TSA place an expensive local wine in the trash.
29. Repeat Steps 10-24.
30. Spend hours aimlessly searching the parking lot for your car; remember how much airport parking costs; wish you’d never found your car.
31. Arrive home feeling as though you never left.
32. Start planning your next trip; realize you are out of vacation days forever; think about adopting a cat instead. 
You should like Thought Catalog on Facebook here.
-
http://itsyowyow.com/2012/09/16/thought-catalog-roundup-16/ Thought Catalog Roundup « Yow Yow!
Recently Cataloged
-
How To Start Your Own Religion
The best thing about being a young adult right now is that you, more than any previous generation, have the freedom and the resources to create your own religion. So, let’s get started.
By John Howell
John is a novelist, writer, entrepreneur, and consultant, whose best consulting is focused on what he did that others ...
-
Nostalgia (The Pain From An Old Wound)
The apartment you lived in your first year out of school, the walk-up with a view of the street.
By Justin Hook
-
How To Quit Your Job
I wanted to quit my job. I hated my boss.
James Altucher has written nine published books and one comic book. He's created a web series for HBO and is working ...
-
I Was Sexually Assaulted By A Registered Pedophile
His eyes widened, he became angry, and backed off of me. I told him he could leave now. Now. He said “With you being a good Christian girl, and me studying to be a priest, I think it’s important we not tell anyone what we did.”
By Katie Arnt
Katie Arnt keeps her diploma around to remind her of better days when she studied English Literature. She is afraid ...
View Comments
Add Yours »