8 Tips On How To Not Feel Like A Failure

1. Call your mom. Don’t call your dad. Your dad is amazing but he wants to talk about work and money and things that make you feel like a piece of shit. Your mom wants to gossip and tell you how much she misses you. Dads are the best but without fail, your mom makes everything a little better.

2. Do not — I repeat, DO NOT check your bank balance. Don’t do it. Why would you? Just to remind yourself of the depressing reality that there is $37.59 in your account? (That’s my exact bank balance. So depressing, right?) So just put your phone/computer down. I’m not kidding. DON’T CHECK IT.

3. Wake up before noon. And while I’m on the subject, leave the house at least once a day. You’ll feel more productive and thus, not like a big, huge failure.

4. Eat at least one fruit and one vegetable a day. Don’t complain about it either. That’s way less than you should be eating. Don’t get me wrong, I love french fries like the rest of the world but if I only ate fried food I would feel like shit, look like shit and die a miserable death at 40 years old.

5. Don’t compare yourself to other people your age. One — it’s depressing and sad. Two — you’re living your life. Don’t worry about what any one else is doing. I know someone who’s dating a 24-year-old who works at Goldman and she owns her own duplex in the West Village. I am sleeping on my best friends couch with $37 in my bank account. If I compared those situations, I’d never get out of bed in the mornings. Just worry about yourself. It’s for the best.

6. Don’t base all your self worth on the amount of followers you have on Twitter, “likes” you have on Instagram or comments you have on your Facebook wall. It’s a battle you are never going to win and also, no one cares. And if they do they are a huge douche bag whose main concern involves GTL-ing and DTF-ing and other weird abbreviations.

7. Follow through with something. Did you say were going to do the laundry? Do it. Promised you’d show up to a friend’s birthday? Show up. Going to bed at night knowing you did something that you set out to do is rewarding. Even if it’s a small thing.

8. Maintain perspective. Yes, I have $37 in my bank account. Yes, I’m sleeping on my friend’s couch. But you know what? A lot people have no money and a lot of people have nowhere to live. Things could be a lot worse. So I’ll make it work.

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