50 Things Real Adults Do That I Don’t Do

Mar. 21, 2012

By Johanna de Silentio info

Johanna de Silentio is the combined effort of Sarah Heuer and Chrissy Stockton. They are best friends who drink ...

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  1. Make their bed
  2. Own a pet or a child
  3. Have a stress-free conversation with the mechanic
  4. Have more than one set of sheets
  5. sAvInGs aCcOuNt
  6. Wear jewelry
  7. Decorate their homes for holidays
  8. Remember birthdays
  9. Know what they are going to eat for a meal more than 5 minutes out
  10. Pack lunches
  11. Stay in hotels on vacation instead of your friend’s cool floor
  12. Watch TV news
  13. Networking
  14. Have a landline
  15. Care about their friend’s babies
  16. Drive to bars
  17. Live in the suburbs
  18. Avoid taking public transportation
  19. Get enough sleep
  20. Go to church > ~1x/year
  21. Get their cars detailed
  22. Mow a lawn
  23. Use coupons
  24. Bake things for people at work
  25. Make conversation with adult strangers
  26. Haven’t convinced their 11-year-old cousin they personally know Justin Bieber
  27. Shower before work + blow dry hair
  28. Natural look make-up
  29. Paint their nails with neutral colors
  30. Wear sandals that aren’t metallic flip-flops
  31. Matching place settings
  32. Own “place settings”
  33. Ask their dads for a favor without using a baby voice
  34. Wash clothes after each wear
  35. Use wash clothes
  36. Use shapewear
  37. Invest
  38. Refer to things as “investments”
  39. Feel ambivalent about getting something for free
  40. Subscribe to magazines they read regularly instead of buying them each month at the newsstand price
  41. Return library books
  42. Scrapbook
  43. Feel a genuine curiosity about the different types of wine
  44. Correct grammar
  45. Send faxes
  46. Keep important documents in a file cabinet/not throw them away in a feng shui attack
  47. Grow plants recreationally
  48. Vote for Republicans
  49. Watch network television shows
  50. Dream about retirement TC mark

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This article originally appeared at PHILOLZOPHY.

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  • guest

    check your privilege

    • Guest

      Shut the fuck up.

  • meggles

    own a child

  • cc

    *things functioning members of society do that i don’t do

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    You sound like a catch. 

  • Mecarriere

    I’m 25, and I do maybe six of those things. Haha.

  • Tommy D

    Return your damn library books!

  • crunch

    23 and not an adult! :D

  • Anonymous

    hahah, I love it. All of them. “Stress-free conversation with the mechanic.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1199595598 Avrami Fried

    I just turned 18 today! I can’t wait to NOT do any of those things! That life sounds boring….

  • Andrew Rowland

    #15 – Care about Friend’s Babies – I just don’t think this ever happens ever EVER. I mean outside of a potential play date, you only care that the friend’s kid doesn’t poop/vomit/pee on something you own.

  • http://mason-jar-memories.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    So, you have officially made it obvious to me that I am not an adult. 
    Mostly. I have a pet :)

  • Anonymous

    I’m 26 years old and I do 28 of those things. It’s a superficial look at being “adult.” I spend whole days in my PJs, watch Jersey Shore and I don’t have kids, so I’m not really a grown up. For all of those of you who think that sounds boring, it’s not when you’re lucky in love!

  • Rachael

    Haha this should be called “things middle aged people do that no one in their 20′s does”

    • Kelly Burgess

      :(

  • Sam

    Come on, #1 and #4 are just part of general hygiene, you don’t have to be a “real adult” to know that much…. 

  • Yeti Turmoil

    Lol I’m not sure why this is a negative thing. Kudos for NOT doing them. It’s all boring, and is why almost all older people are boring and stale. Gregory Costa, CC and the other 7. Have fun being lame :)

  • Guest

    The own a child and vote Republican bothered me the most. First, please try not to think of children as property. Secondly, are you implying that all Democrats, Independents, etc. (any non-Republican) is a child?

    • Fret

      You are taking it way too seriously!!! and misinterpreted the last one, it says vote for republicans; a someone can be a democrat, independent, etc and vote for a republican…  and I am sure whoever wrote this meant own a pet or HAVE a child.

    • Guest

      holy bananas, I would hate to hear the type of jokes you say.

      you: “so a rabbit walks into a bar,”

      everyone: “yes, and…”

      you: “no that’s it.  what’s your problem.  why can’t a rabbit just walk into a bar.  first, please try not to think of rabbits as animals that aren’t allowed to walk into bars.  second, are you implying that rabbits have to walk into bars and do something joke-worthy? omg check ur privilege”

      buzzkill

      • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

        what is air hahahahhahahahhahfgshvjbahbljhkjn

    • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

      HER FEELINGS OF BEING A NOT-REAL-ADULT ARE EXEMPLIFIED BY HER DESCRIBING BIRTHING A CHILD AS “OWNING A CHILD” GOD WHY CAN’T YOU READ

      • Anonymous

        uhhh, i’m about to own a child and i plan to refer to it as property at least until doing so stops entertaining me. #grownup

      • Anonymous

        Amen.  You pay for it, you own it.

      • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

        i mean this sincerely: your child is going to be such a fantastic person

    • PingyWingy

      yes

  • Veinsonfire

    Suscribe to magazines they read regularly instead of shopkifting them from the local Barnes & Nobles

  • GUEST

    when is this “check your privilege” thing going to die out already, ugh.

    amusing list, but who is to say what a real adult is anyway? especially loved #26 “Haven’t convinced their 11-year-old cousin they personally know Justin Bieber “… kids are such suckers

  • Kmodek

    Im 39 & I don’t do pretty much any of those things.

    I have a pet & a kid,

    .50 cents in a savings account

    wear jewelry but only surgical steel that doesn’t have to be changed & a silver hoop in my nose.

    Have 2 sets of sheets, but they came with my comforter sets.

    I decorate for holidays, but I like it tacky so it reminds me of when I was a kid.

    I live in the suburbs but I grew up here.

    I try to get my neighbors to mow my lawn. Last year I only had to do it once!

    All the rest, I don’t do.

    I DO play video games & own multiple consoles.

    I have tattoos & still want more.

    I drink Boone Hill “wine”…$2.69 a bottle & its not really wine at all.

    I’m too lazy to cook a bagels, so I’ll eat cheez-its & still be hungry rather than cook.

    I share music and clothes with my 13 year old daughter.

    I hate Girl Scouts.

    • hmm…

      I’m a cooool mom!

  • Anonymous

    Wow people. Lighten the f*** up. Gawl.

  • Anonymous

    This should instead be titled “50 Things Real Adult White Privileged People Do”. I usually really like reading these. Except this time.

  • Amelia

    Dear god. I’m 19 and do/have done the majority of these things. Minus owning a child, I prefer my pup. And I don’t go to church, but actually the majority of the population doesn’t go to church regularly and I have no desire to become that minority.

    And yo. What’s with the check your privilege thing? I’m not priviledged, I worked my ass off for what I have, I’ve been working full time the past three years, school full time as well. You just have to want it. And in a years time I will be happily graduating from a SUNY school with no student debt.

    • GB

      Cool story sis.

    • guest

      WOW! SUNY! 

      • Amelia

        Yes god forbid I don’t spend a fortune on a private school and end up swallowed in debt while working a job I could have gotten having gone to a SUNY school…

        Its a decent university system, and its a hell of a step up from community colleges and CUNY schools

  • Apollo787

    The author sounds like a bad friend with poor hygiene and no grasp on basic life skills. Good luck! 

  • Anonymous

    I love my friends’ babies :( why doesn’t anyone on this whole site like babies

  • Melissa

    “Ask their dads for a favor without using a baby voice”….wish i could cut this shit out.

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